


18 Sweeps Later

by Grip



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, F/M, References to Sitcoms, Slice of Life, The Homestuck Epilogues, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, Troll Army
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2020-04-05 07:24:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 50,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19043869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grip/pseuds/Grip
Summary: Sollux stormed off after an argument with Aradia and is now stranded on Candy Earth C. As the only one left on this planet who knows what's really going on, he's decided he's officially stopped giving a fuck about continuity and finally moved on with his life, or at least what's left of it.





	1. Welc0me Back, Capt0r

**Author's Note:**

> Sollux's skin is darker because he's an adult.

**Characters in this chapter** :

**SOLLUX**

****

**??? ???**

 

 

 

 

Sollux was wandering through the remains of a scarred battlefield, when he suddenly heard a noise. He wondered if it was more drones coming to cull him because he stayed out too late or some other dumb law Crocker made up to subdue him because he happened to be the wrong species. The noise got louder and louder, he knew whatever it was, it wouldn't leave him alone. Sollux quickly dashed away, but soon got stopped by a rock, which he clumsily tripped on. In blind panic, Sollux threw a pebble towards the noise.

??? ???: Ow! Hey!   
SOLLUX: wh0's there?   
??? ???: RelAx I Ain't here t' hArm yA none! I'm just here lookin' for injured Trolls in need of AssistAnce.   
SOLLUX: 0h.   
??? ???: YA got A mighty shArp Arm on yA for a fellA with two pAtched up eyes.   
??? ???: I don't think yA shouldA left the medicAl bAy in your condition.   
SOLLUX: n0, i've been like this f0r a very l0ng time and d0n't need any medical assistance.   
??? ???: YA hAve?! I'm surprised an oldA fellA such As yAself hAs survived this long under Crocker's regime without the usA eyes.   
SOLLUX: y0u learn t0 live with it.   
??? ???: YA sure Are A mighty strAnge fellA.   
???: ???: Since YA cAn't exActly reAd mA nAme tAg it's SEAKOR.   
SEAKOR: Guessin' yA-

Seakor stops mid-sentence as she notices the sign on Sollux's shirt. It's faded and barely visible, but she can just about make it out.

SOLLUX: guessing what?   
SEAKOR: Well I'll be! SOLLUX?! YA know ghosts Ain't Allowed the leAve the bAse once A fight is over!   
SOLLUX: i'm n0t a gh0st and h0w d0 y0u kn0w my name?   
SEAKOR: It's AlwAys such A sAd sight seein' ghosts thAt don't believe they're Actually deAd   
SEAKOR: Now come on fellA and tAke off thAt disguise And leArn to live with the fAct yA died A long time Ago.   
SOLLUX: d0n’t talk d0wn to me and treat me like I’m an idi0t, and I already t0ld y0u i’m n0t a gh0st!

Sollux sighs and takes off his eye patches.

SEAKOR: W-who did this to yA?!   
SOLLUX: multiple pe0ple did, but m0stly myself. d0n’t ask.   
SEAKOR: I'm sorry for Accusin' yA of fAkin' yA won't believe how mAny ghosts pull off the fAke Adult Act!   
SEAKOR: By the wAy YA cAn put them pAtches bAck on.   
SOLLUX: n0, i'd rather n0t be reminded 0f th0se stupid pirate days again.   
SEAKOR: Pirate... days?   
SOLLUX: a dumb theme i was f0rced t0 take part in with s0me dead vriska and 0ther gh0sts.   
SOLLUX: wearing th0se eyepatches f0r s0 l0ng wa-

Seakor’s headphones begin to ring and she strolls elsewhere to take the call.

SOLLUX: y0u still there?  
SOLLUX: hell0?  
SOLLUX: 0k I’m leaving n0w, thanks f0r ditching me.

Sollux starts to walk away, as he doesn't feel safe standing in one place for long. He also doesn’t feel like listening to anymore of Seakor’s chatter.

SEAKOR: Hey fellA where yA goin'?   
SOLLUX: i th0ught y0u left and ST0P talking d0wn t0 me!   
SOLLUX: I’m blind n0t stupid!   
SEAKOR: Well fellA, I went to tAke A cAll.   
SOLLUX: AAAH!   
SEAKOR: The person on the other side wAs very excited to heAr your nAme!   
SOLLUX: they were? i th0ught there w0uld be n0thing t0 be excited ab0ut here.   
SOLLUX: especially when they have t0 be subjected t0 y0ur ridicul0us prattle!   
SEAKOR: YeAh in fAct, they wAnt to see yA At the bAse!

Sollux is about to decline, but instead gets distracted by a metal clanging noise.

SOLLUX: what are y0u d0ing?   
SEAKOR: I'm just Addin' An extrA seAt to mA ride.   
SEAKOR: We're An Awful long distAnce Away from the bAse And if we hurry we cAn mAke it for curfew.   
SOLLUX: 0k, but i d0n't exactly want t0 c0me with y0u 0r meet wh0ever was at the 0ther end 0f y0ur c0nversati0n!   
SEAKOR: But whyevA not?   
SOLLUX: because i'm d0ne with being dragged ar0nd by 0ther pe0ple and i'm assuming this "base" y0u were speaking 0f has s0mething t0 d0 with the war.   
SEAKOR: Yes it does, but it's sAfer t' come with me An' spend A night over At the bAse thAn get culled by Crocker's drones!   
SOLLUX: i'd rather take my chances with the dr0nes than spend an0ther m0ment with y0u.   
SEAKOR: P-pleAse Sollux sir! I beg'A yA! Mum KAnAyA wAs lookin' forwArd tA seein' yA AgAin!   
SEAKOR: An’-An’ we’re Awful low on men An I know yA’ll mAke a greAt Addition!   
SEAKOR: Since yA know mr. VAntAs so well, I bet he’ll put yA in chArge of a mighty big operation!   
SEAKOR: Like mAybe yA could be th’ one t’ continue droppin’ bombs Around the stAtues of liberty!   
SOLLUX: the what 0f what?   
SEAKOR: Missus HArley An’ Mr. Strider did that until he up An’ turned into A row boAt.   
SOLLUX: y0u mean r0b0t!   
SEAKOR: Don’t be silly fellA, robots cAn’t floAt.   
SOLLUX: this is what I deserve f0r staying behind isn’t it.   
SEAKOR: AnywAy, pleAse come with me, pleAse!   
SOLLUX: 0K FINE, BUT 0NLY IF Y0U ST0P TALKING!

Seakor breathes a sigh of relief.

SEAKOR: Well git up there fellA!  
SOLLUX: up where?  
SEAKOR: The walking eye.  
SOLLUX: why the FUCK w0uld i ever want t0 ride 0n a walking eye?  
SOLLUX: let al0ne ever t0uch 0ne!  
SEAKOR: Well they're good At trAnsmittin' dAtA to th' generAl and sure As heck more sleAk An' stylish thAn A scuttlebuggy.  
SOLLUX: why did i even ask?  
SOLLUX: and st0p talking, I’m getting a massive headache!

SEAKOR lifts Sollux into his seat on top of the walking eye and buckles him in.

SEAKOR: YA comfortAble there fellA? Don't wAnt yA tA fAll off while she gets movin'.  
SOLLUX: as c0mf0rtable as i can be in this very unc0mf0rtable situati0n.  
SOLLUX: AND H0W MANY TIMES D0 I NEED T0 TELL Y0U T0 ST0P TALKING D0WN T0 ME?!  
SEAKOR: Wow, yA sure get grumpy mighty fAst!  
SEAKOR: Don't worry it'll only tAke two And A hAlf hours t' get bAck t' the bAse.  
SOLLUX: 0h lucky me.

Seakor starts up the engine of the walking eye and begins directing it back to the base.

SEAKOR: So how long hAve yA been wonderin' round these here pArts?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.  
SEAKOR: Surprised yA didn't get cAught up in the huge brAwl between Crocker and mr. VAntAs.  
SEAKOR: ThAt thAr wAs An Awful terrible spAt.  
SEAKOR: Luckily i wAs still a recruit so i never got to see the bAttlefield until a couplA weeks lAter.  
SOLLUX: g00d f0r y0u.  
SEAKOR: YA seem to be An Awful lucky fellA escApin' th' wAr like thAt.  
SEAKOR: No doubt someone like yA must be Light or even Life bound.  
SEAKOR: Then AgAin I never wAs too good At ClAsspectin' Studies.  
SOLLUX: i w0uld never even 0nce c0nsider myself as "lucky".  
SOLLUX: by the way didn’t i tell y0u t0 ST0P TALKING?!  
SEAKOR: Well whAtevAr it mAy be, yA sure do hAve A lot of it.  
SEAKOR: Say, what kindA music yA into?  
SOLLUX: anything that isn’t the ann0ying c0untry bumpkin channel!  
SEAKOR: FasinAtin'! Ain't the sunset AmAzin' At this time of yeAr?  
SEAKOR: WhAt's your fAvourite color?  
SEAKOR: Mine is th’ pink yA see in th’ clouds And I Also like them green streAks too!  
SOLLUX: i d0n't like any c0l0rs 0r even remember what they l00k like!  
SEAKOR: Now, no need t’ stArt yellin’  
SOLLUX: START?! HAVE Y0U BEEN LISTENING T0 ANYTHING I’VE BEEN SAYING?!  
SEAKOR: I AlwAys did enjoy th’ feel of a good dAy’s work!  
SOLLUX: that literally has n0thing t0 d0 with anything!

After hours of almost non-stop dialogue from Seakor, Sollux grumbled angrily the rest of the way.

SEAKOR: Well, we're Almost At th' bAse frAid this will be fArewell, As my room is in A different entrAnce t' the mAin one. MA colleAgue will show yA the rest of the wAy.

Seakor unbuckles Sollux's seatbelt and he slides right off of the eye onto the ground.

SEAKOR: ThAt first step's A doozy!  
SOLLUX: n0! d0n’t help me up 0r anything!  
SEAKOR: Oh here she comes now, I'll be on mA wAy now, don't wAnt tA be cAught by th' drones!

Seakor quickly walks off, leaving Sollux on the ground.

SOLLUX: Hell0?  
SOLLUX: Y0u fucking ditched me again, didn’t y0u?!

Sollux stands up, dusts himself off and hopes that the next person he speaks to won't be anywhere near as unbelievably insufferable as Seakor.


	2. Tr0ll Meets W0rld

**Characters in this chapter** :

**SOLLUX**

****

**(VRISKA)**

****

**JADE**

 

 

 

 

Sollux, standing alone near the entrance to the military base started to grow tired of waiting for Seakor's mysterious friend. He then started to pace up and down in frustration and impatience, when he heard some footsteps coming up to him. 

(VRISKA): Hi there.  
SOLLUX: vriska?! y0u're a part 0f this dumb war shit t00?  
SOLLUX: 0r are y0u 0ne 0f th0se 0ther billi0n dead vriskas i had the pleasure 0f never meeting?  
(VRIKA): Nope, I'm alive alright.  
SOLLUX: wait-what? y0u're alive? H0w did that happen?!  
(VRISKA): John knocked some sense into me and prevented my death, remem8er?  
SOLLUX: n0 i d0 N0T remember that!  
SOLLUX: i distinctly recall y0u being n0t at all alive when y0u hijacked my time with aradia and then made me wear th0se stupid eye patches!  
(VRISKA): Oh, you're from that other me's timeline.  
(VRISKA): Though she didn't say you lost your eyes again.  
(VRISKA): So what happened anyway, why do you look so much... older than everyone else????????  
SOLLUX: pr0bably because i never died 0n a hard c0ncrete slab with a skull 0n it.  
(VRISKA): Wow... I guess that means more time flew 8y than I thought.  
SOLLUX: i'm eighteen in case y0u were w0ndering and i'll thank y0u f0r n0t staring at my mid-life crisis.  
(VRISKA): That explains why you're so dentally and follically challenged.  
SOLLUX: are y0u g0ing t0 let me in 0r what? it's freezing 0ut here!  


(Vriska) grabs Sollux's hand, but he quickly yanks it away. 

SOLLUX: what d0 y0u think y0u're d0ing?!  
(VRISKA): As 8ad-tempered as ever.  
SOLLUX: y0u w0uld be t00 if y0u had t0 spend an uncomf0rtably l0ng am0unt 0f time with a racist caricature 0f a br0nze bl00d!  
SOLLUX: i als0 d0n't need y0u t0 h0ld my hand like i'm a newly de-husked tr0ll.  


(Vriska) starts to walk towards the interior of the base, as Sollux follows the sound of her footsteps. 

(VRISKA): So how long have you 8een here for?  
SOLLUX: standing 0utside the base?  
(VRISKA): No, I mean how long have you 8een on this planet?  
SOLLUX: aradia had a lame missi0n t0 g0 0n t0 help a weird dead girl wh0 them p0ssessed an0ther dead girl.  
SOLLUX: it's a really dumb st0ry and i d0n't want t0 talk ab0ut it anym0re.  
(VRISKA): why didn't you stay with aradia?  
SOLLUX: because i'm apparently t00 helpless t0 make my 0wn fucking decisi0ns.  
SOLLUX: als0 since when did y0u start t0 care ab0ut what i 0r any0ne else d0es?  
(VRISKA): 8ecause I'm trying to start anew on this pl8net and 8ecome an 8ctually nice person????????  
SOLLUX: 0k i kn0w a l0t 0f shit has g0ne d0wn 0ver the span 0f my life, but that is n0 d0ubt the weirdest thing i have heard c0me 0ut 0f any0ne!  
(VRISKA): Normally I'd agree, 8ut I spoke with myself and decided to 8ecome the 8est version of myself.  
SOLLUX: y0urself? y0u mean like a gh0st?  
(VRISKA): No... the one that Kanaya and Rose adopted.  
SOLLUX: Kanaya and- i d0n't- WHAT?!  
(VRISKA): Yeah, apparently they made a clone of me.  
(VRISKA): And yes, it is as dum8 as it sounds.  
SOLLUX: PLEASE tell me they didn't d0 the same thing with me!  
(VRISKA): Not yet.  
SOLLUX: well, this has 0fficially been the m0st fucked up day 0f my life.  
SOLLUX: take me t0 the cl0sest recuperac00n s0 i can end this day bef0re it gets even w0rse!  
(VRISKA): Hey, I haven't exactly 8een having a great time either!  
(VRISKA): The first thing I see when I come 8ack from fighting LE is everyone's now an old fart and Kanaya and her GF or wife or wh8tever repl8ced me with a clone and now i have to have 8rackets 8 the start of my n8me!  
(VRISKA): 8least you don't have to deal with that... you got to grow old with everyone.  
SOLLUX: n0 i didn't.  
SOLLUX: as i said bef0re i was busy the wh0le time helping 0ut a creepy dead girl with aradia.  
(VRISKA): So what happened to aradia?  
SOLLUX: she left.  
(VRISKA): W8... for good?  
SOLLUX: yep.  
(VRISKA): Hey w8, watch out!  


Sollux trips up and bangs his head on a doorway, then falls over head first next to a sobbing Jade. 

JADE: oh my gosh im so sorry!!!! 

Sollux tilts his head up and gives off a weary looking grimace. 

JADE: let me help you up! 

Jade grabs one of Sollux's arms and floats up until he's standing on his feet. 

JADE: are you okay?  
JADE: i didnt see you coming and i was lost in my own thoughts there!  


Jade wipes away the remainder of her tears and notices Sollux was missing not one, but both of his eyes! 

JADE: oh no! did i do that???? :(  
SOLLUX: d0 what?  
SOLLUX: trip me up?  
JADE: yes but thats not what i meant, what happened to your eyes?  
SOLLUX: d0n't ask.  
JADE: so that wasnt me?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: phew! so are you regular blind or can you smell colors and stuff like terezi????  
SOLLUX: regular blind.  
JADE: aww the sucks but maybe someone can make you some robotic eyes! :)  
SOLLUX: after the wh0le walking eye fiasc0 i never want t0 hear 0r even think ab0ut eyes ever again.  
(VRISKA): Sollux ended up being stuck with Seakor for about three hours.  
JADE: oh i dont blame you then.  
JADE: now that i think about it werent you at the funeral we had for me?  
SOLLUX: f0r y0u?  
JADE: *sniff*  


Jade wipes away a few fresh tears. 

JADE: not that me... the other me  
JADE: the one that left with... with...  


Jade struggles to get the words out, when suddenly a door swings open and the hallway goes quiet. 

SOLLUX: with y0ur matesprite? 

The sound of footsteps can be heard behind Sollux. 

SOLLUX: wh0's there? 

The noise gets louder and louder, as it echoes through the hall. 

SOLLUX: vriska? 

The sound of the noisy footsteps stop right behind Sollux. 


	3. Haggin' With Mr. Capt0r

**Characters in this chapter** :

**SOLLUX**

****

**JADE**

****

**KARKAT**

****

**KANAYA**

 

 

 

 

KARKAT: SOLLUX?  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?  
KARKAT: DIDN'T YOU LEAVE WITH ARADIA?  
SOLLUX: 0h hey.  
KARKAT: DON'T "OH HEY" ME!  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!  
SOLLUX: i decided t0 stick ar0und.  
KARKAT: THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE HERE IN MY MILITARY BASE!  
SOLLUX: i was t0ld t0 c0me here by kanaya s0 maybe y0u sh0uld ask her.  
KARKAT: GREAT! JUST WHAT I NEED! ANOTHER RECRUIT WHO CAN'T DO JACK SHIT!  
SOLLUX: i'm d0ne with taking 0rders fr0m pe0ple.  
KARKAT: THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?  
KARKAT: ... NO DON'T FUCKING TELL ME!  
SOLLUX: it's pr0bably n0t what y0u think it is either.  
KARKAT: DON'T FUCKING TELL ME YOU'RE HERE TO ADOPT A GRUB FROM KANAYA AND ROSE!  
SOLLUX: n0 in fact i was just thinking ab0ut leaving.  
KARKAT: YOU CAN'T LEAVE! THE BATTERWITCH HAS DRONES OUT!  
SOLLUX: s0?  
KARKAT: SO?! I FORBID YOU TO GO OUTSIDE!  
KARKAT: IN FACT NO ONE CAN GO OUTSIDE FOR THE NEXT WEEK!  
KANAYA: What He Means Is That He Is Sad About Your Long Absence And Wishes You To Stay

Karkat storms out and exits the same door he came out from. 

KANAYA: I Decided To See If Seakor Is Delaying You She Certainly Is Quite The Rambler  
SOLLUX: s0 y0u're giving away grubs n0w?  
KANAYA: Only To Suitable Couples  
KANAYA: Speaking Of What Happened To Your Femme Covert  
SOLLUX: aradia? i left when i g0t sick 0f her plans.  
SOLLUX: s0 why did y0u want t0 see me?  
KANAYA: Im Afraid Karkat Is In Grief Over The Loss Of Dave  
KANAYA: He Does Have Meenah To Keep Him Company But Since He And Dave Have Spend So Much Time Together In The Past Not Even His Better Half Can Soothe His Mood  
SOLLUX: wait-wait karkat's with meenah?!  
SOLLUX: i finally g0t rid 0f th0se itchy eye patches and n0w i have t0 deal with her again!  
KANAYA: Oh Yes They Are Quite The Role Models To The New Recruits  
KANAYA: Jade As You Can Tell Is In Peril Too As She And Dave Had Married Shortly Before His Departure  


Kanaya looks over at Jade, who's being "comforted" by Vriska. 

KANAYA: So When I Heard Seakor Found You Out In The Wilderness I Told Her To Bring You Here  
SOLLUX: i already kn0w that part.  
KANAYA: Karkat Really Needs A Friend Right Now  
SOLLUX: s0 what d0 y0u want me t0 d0 ab0ut it?  
SOLLUX: i kind 0f have 0ther things t0 be w0rring ab0ut right n0w.  
SOLLUX: besides y0u've kn0wn karkat l0nger anyway, why d0n't y0u d0 it?  
KANAYA: Because Before Dave Terezi And Gamzee You Were The Closest One To Him  
SOLLUX: *sigh* fine.  
KANAYA: Thank You And Now I Need To Talk Karkat Into It  


Sollux imitates an eye roll the best he can without actual eyes. 

KANAYA: Farewell And I Do Hope You Decide To Stay In This Establishment When I Return 

Kanaya walks off and goes into Karkat's quarters. 

KARKAT: DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO KNOCK?! 

The door slams shut, but murmuring can be heard from outside. 

Sollux then signs and slides down a wall until he's sitting on the floor and Jade joins him a few minutes later. 

JADE: *sigh* vriska isnt very good at being empathetic. :(  
SOLLUX: yeah, i d0n't buy the wh0le "trying t0 be a better pers0n" thing.  
SOLLUX: she's pr0bably just d0ing it t0 impress s0me0ne.  


Jade twiddles her thumbs, as she quickly asks the question she's been dying to get the answer to. 

JADE: hey so you know the real reason why dave left, right???  
JADE: he said he wanted to fight dirk and was done with being non canon, even though dirk is dead.  
SOLLUX: yes but it's n0t like it even matters.  
JADE: how so?  
SOLLUX: i gave up caring ab0ut the c0ntinuity 0f things.  
JADE: oh but can you at least tell me how dirks alive?  
SOLLUX: because there is an0ther universe where he t00k 0ver and that's where aradia and dave went.  
JADE: how do they end up going there though?  
SOLLUX: by escaping the huge black h0le that surr0unds this universe.  
JADE: black hole!  
JADE: that explains why theres so many ghosts around...  


Jade pauses for a few moments, to take in the information. 

JADE: well, will we ever see them again??  
SOLLUX: n0, they are g0ne.  
SOLLUX: g00d fucking riddance.  
JADE: but you cant possible mean that! :o  
JADE: isnt aradia your matesprite or something?  
SOLLUX: i w0uldn't want t0 be the matesprite 0f s0me0ne wh0 dragged me ar0und f0r 0ver a decade, with0ut listening t0 me because my disabilities are such an inc0nvenience f0r her!  
SOLLUX: s0 i decided t0 cut her 0ff.  
JADE: sounds good.  
JADE: it must suck being in such a controlling relationship!  


Jade sighs and looks down. 

JADE: but thats why dave left me... :(  
JADE: i know he wasnt really in love with me but i thought if we got married hed learn to love me.  
JADE: i pushed everyone i loved away because i hate to be alone so much!  
JADE: maybe i deserve to be non canon. :(  


Jades eyes well up again. 

JADE: *sniff* i dont know what to do with myself anymore...  
SOLLUX: *sigh* i'm still getting used t0 my life here, away fr0m aradia.  
SOLLUX: but if i went with her i'd be a c0rpse by n0w anyway.  
JADE: oh, i wouldn't want that to happen!  


Jade stands up and looks up at Sollux, who is much taller than him, even sitting down. 

JADE: maybe youre right and we are better off without them...  
JADE: ...but its still so hard living without someone youve loved for so long and they just fly away because obama told them to.  
SOLLUX: wh0?  
JADE: he was the president a long time ago and his ghost hologram turned dave into a robot.  
SOLLUX: see this is the kind 0f shit y0u get int0 when y0u give a fuck ab0ut c0ntinuity.  
SOLLUX: gh0st h0l0grams start t0 appear and tell y0u t0 fight y0ur ancest0r fr0m an0ther dimensi0n!  
JADE: but still, arent you worried that we dont matter???  
SOLLUX: n0 because im fr0m a d00med timeline anyway and i matter ab0ut as much as any 0ther d00med timeline versi0ns 0f myself.  
SOLLUX: aradia wanted t0 escape that life but i was always 0kay with it.  


Jade walks closer to Sollux and hugs him. 

SOLLUX: what was that f0r?  
JADE: for listening to me and being such a great moirail! :)  
JADE: but you are kind of cute though!!!  


Sollux smirks a tiny bit at Jade's remark. 

JADE: what are you going to do now?  
SOLLUX: pr0bably stick ar0und f0r a few days.  


Suddenly, the door to Karkat's chambers open up again and footsteps can be heard coming down the corridor. 

SOLLUX: sup kanaya.  
JADE: how did you know it was her?  
SOLLUX: because i happen t0 rec0gnise the stench 0f a rainb0w drinker.  
KANAYA: Gambol Aside Karkat Has Agreed To Meet You Tomorrow Morning  
SOLLUX: y0u mean t0m0rr0w night.  
KANAYA: No I Mean In The Morning  
KANAYA: Since Jane Took Over We Trolls Have Had To Adapt To A Daytime Itinerary Due To The Rather Backwards Schedule System She Has Adopted For Our Kind  
JADE: yeah, sorry about that, my granny sucks! :(  
SOLLUX: *sigh*  
KANAYA: I Can Take You To Suitable Accommodation For You To Spend The Night While You Wait  
JADE: actually i was thinking i could take him!  
JADE: it is on the way to my apartment, after all!  
KANAYA: Only If Sollux Is Up For It  
SOLLUX: sure, let's get m0ving.  


Jade takes Sollux by the hand and takes the lead. 

JADE: oh you dont mind if we hold hands, right?  
SOLLUX: suit y0urself.  


Jade lightly tugs on Sollux's hand as they start moving. 

SOLLUX: are y0u flying right n0w 0r s0mething?  
JADE: of course i am, if i grabbed your hand on the ground id be on my tippy toes.  
SOLLUX: are all humans this sh0rt?  
JADE: compared to you, yes.  
JADE: trolls get so tall as adults, i think kanaya is 7 feet tall and youre like 10 feet!  
SOLLUX: n0t all 0f us d0 get tall, karkat s0unded s0 cl0se t0 the gr0und ehehe.  
JADE: yeah, haha.  


Sollux stretches and yawns and Jade gets a good look inside his mouth. 

JADE: oh no, what happened to your teeth? 

Sollux quickly snaps his mouth shut and responds in an irritated tone. 

SOLLUX: y0urs w0uld start t0 fall 0ut t00 if y0u lived 0n s0da f0r half 0f y0ur life! 

Jade paps Sollux on the cheek and he blushes slightly. 

JADE: you could always get dentures!  
SOLLUX: what?  
JADE: fake teeth you put in your mouth to help you chew.  
SOLLUX: they s0und unc0mf0rtable and unhygienic.  
JADE: for someone whos been on earth for a while, you dont know much about earth customs and people! :o  
SOLLUX: i try t0 av0id that stuff.  


Jade tilts her head in confusion, much like a dog would do. 

JADE: why?  
SOLLUX: because it reminds me t00 much 0f alternia.  
JADE: oh...  
SOLLUX: *sigh* i c0uld end up getting s0me fucked up n0stalgia f0r it.  


Sollux points his head down and sighs a few more times. 

JADE: were here! 

Jade opens the door to Sollux's apartment. 

JADE: do you want me to show you around??  
SOLLUX: n0, i'm g0ing bump int0 s0me walls until i find the recuperac00n.  
JADE: oh no, ill show you the way!! :)  


Jade quickly points to every room in the apartment. 

JADE: in here is the living room.  
JADE: in there is the kitchen.  
JADE: there is the bathroom.  
JADE: and finally heres the bedroom!  
JADE: did you get that?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: :o how about i spend the night and lead you around until you get it!!!  
SOLLUX: i just need t0 be al0ne right n0w.  
JADE: are you sure???  
SOLLUX: yes.  


Jade, disappointingly leaves Sollux in the apartment and goes back to her own apartment. 

Sollux shakes his head and manages to find his way to the recuperacoon, finally ending his exhausting day 


	4. S0llux Capt0r Can't Win

**Characters in this chapter** :

**SOLLUX**

****

**JADE**

****

**KARKAT**

****

**MEENAH**

 

 

 

 

Sollux gets awoken from his slumber by his alarm clock. He quickly gets out of the recooperacoon, finds his way to the bathroom and takes a shower. 

As Sollux exists the bathroom, he hears a strange mumbling noise. 

???: mmmh... 

Sollux quickly darts back into the bathroom and puts a bathrobe around his waist. 

???: mmm... orning...  
SOLLUX: JADE?!  
JADE: yep.  


Jade groggily gets up off of the sofa she decided to spend the night on. 

JADE: hey you look pretty hot with your shirt off. 

Jade floats up to Sollux's head and runs her finger down his chest to his stomach. Sollux shivers as she does so and clenches up. 

SOLLUX: we need t0 talk.  
JADE: about what?  
SOLLUX: which quadrant d0 y0u think we're in?  
JADE: matesprites!  
SOLLUX: 0kay, here are s0me gr0und rules:  
SOLLUX: first 0f all i d0n't kn0w h0w human quadrants w0rk, but i am n0t interested in being y0ur matesprite!  
SOLLUX: sec0nd, as much as i *l0ve* being in my "grubday attire", having y0u sneak ar0und at night t0 witness it, is n0t my idea 0f a "fun activity"!  
SOLLUX: third, at least KN0CK bef0re c0ming in!  


Jade tries to give Sollux the puppy eyes, but to no avail. 

JADE: yes, youre right... i was just so excited to have a new boyfriend, i went too far again...  
SOLLUX: n0w i need t0 get ready!  


Sollux walks off, trying to remember how many steps it is to the recuperacoon room, so he can put his clothes back on. 

A few minutes later and Sollux comes back out, wearing the same dusty clothes he wore the previous day. 

JADE: i dont think karkat will like you wearing that again, hes gotten so formal since hes been in charge.  
SOLLUX: he'll have t0 deal with it.  


The pair leave the apartment and work their way to Karkat's office. 

JADE: i was thinking about what you said yesterday, about you not mattering.  
SOLLUX: what ab0ut it?  
JADE: i think you matter... at least, you matter to me...  


Jade holds onto Sollux's hand tightly and paps his cheek with her other hand. 

SOLLUX: i meant m0re 0n the grand scheme 0f things.  
SOLLUX: anywhere that d0esn't center ar0und the prince 0f heart isn't c0nsidered "imp0rtant en0ugh t0 matter even a tiny bit".  
JADE: oh, that dirk sounds so self obsessed! :o  
SOLLUX: he is.  
SOLLUX: it's an0ther reas0n why i stayed behind, because i d0n't want t0 deal with that shit.  
JADE: the mattering part or the ego manic dirk bit???  
SOLLUX: pr0bably b0th.  


Jade gasps and puts a hand on her chin, thinking why that would be. 

SOLLUX: because i d0n't care ab0ut any 0f it.  
JADE: youre making your own path??  
SOLLUX: m0re like i ch0se t0 stay 0ut 0f pl0t relevance and i'd rather hang ar0und a bunch 0f gh0sts and 0ther equally unimp0rtant pe0ple than chase a r0gue prince.  
SOLLUX: i tried t0 c0nvince aradia, but she w0rried ab0ut mattering t00 much.  


Jade's ears and head droop down, as she listens to Sollux's response. 

JADE: oh...  
JADE: but i still meant what i said, about you mattering to me.  
JADE: but its like you said, i dont matter either...  


Sollux paps Jade on the forehead and works his way down to her cheek. 

SOLLUX: in my 0wn irrelevant way, y0u matter t0 me t00. 

It was just then, Jade realizes Sollux is opening up to her all along and he isn't trying to distress her. 

JADE: yip! 

Jade flings herself into Sollux's arms, until he's carrying her. He notices something strange about Jade when he touches her bottom. 

SOLLUX: why d0 y0u have a tail?  
JADE: i grew it when i turned twenty.  
SOLLUX: d0 all humans gr0w tails when they're adults?!  
JADE: no silly, only me because im part dog!  
SOLLUX: shenanigans?  
JADE: pretty much...  


Sollux walks into a wall and drops Jade onto the floor. 

SOLLUX: 0w FUCK!  
JADE: oops, should have kept an eye out! :o  


KARKAT: THERE YOU ARE! YOU ARE LATE!  
JADE: oh sorry, we got distracted.  


Karkat yanks Sollux by the arm and drags him down the rest of the corridor until they're both in his office. Karkat then closes the door with a loud bang. 

KARKAT: KANAYA INFORMED ME THAT YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME.  
KARKAT: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M A *VERY* BUSY TROLL!  
SOLLUX: "kk" chill.  
KARKAT: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO!  
KARKAT: I ALREADY LOST DAVE AND NOW I'M UNDERSTAFFED BECAUSE THE FUCKING BATTERWITCH WON'T STOP RUNNING HER ADVERTISEMENTS AGAINST TROLLS!  


Karkat rubs his temples and looks out of the window in his room, which look out to the brooding caverns. 

KARKAT: ALSO DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH JADE!  
SOLLUX: it's n0t really any 0f y0ur business what we d0.  
KARKAT: I'VE BEEN DOWN THAT ROAD BEFORE AND IT NEVER ENDS WELL!  


Karkat turns around to face Sollux. 

KARKAT: SOLLUX, I CAN'T HAVE HER BREAK YOU TOO!  
SOLLUX: i've had t0 deal with aradia's creepy m0n0l0gues f0r a decade, i d0n't think jade will be any pr0blem f0r me.  


Karkat breathes out heavily and clears his throat. 

KARKAT: THEN I'M DRAFTING YOU!  
SOLLUX: yeah, n0 thanks.  
KARKAT: I HAVE A VERY STRICT MANDATE THAT STATES, "NO CIVILIANS SHALL DATE, MINGLE OR FILL A QUADRANT WITH (A) MEMBER(S) OF KARKAT'S ARMY"!  
KARKAT: I ALSO CANNOT HAVE A BLIND TROLL WANDER AIMLESSLY THROUGH THE BATTLEFIELD, AS THE BATTERWITCH HAS GONE TO CULLING DISABLED TROLLS!  


Karkat hands Sollux a pair of military clothes. 

KARKAT: YOU WILL STAY INDOORS AT ALL TIMES AND WORK IN THE BROODING CAVERNS WITH KANAYA AND ROSE.  
KARKAT: THE SUIT I GAVE YOU MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU'RE A JADE BLOOD AND YOU NEED TO WEAR A HELMET TO COVER UP TWO OF YOUR HORNS.  
SOLLUX: i d0n't think this is what kanaya had in mind when she said i sh0uld talk t0 y0u.  
SOLLUX: as "fun" as y0u barking 0rders as me is, i'm n0t g0ing t0 p0se as a jade bl00d because 0f my disabilities.  
KARKAT: THEN WHAT, PRAY TELL, DO YOU PROPOSE YOU DO?!  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w, maybe y0u sh0uld st0p being s0 f0rmal.  
KARKAT: IF THE WAR GOES AWRY, IT'S BECAUSE OF ME! I HAVE TO PLAN FOR ALL EVENTUALITIES!  
KARKAT: IF I SEEM A BIT "FORMAL", DUE TO SOME LAST MINUTE ARRANGEMENTS I MADE FOR YOU, THEN "I'M SORRY"!  
KARKAT: THIS IS A WAR, NOT A FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE!  


Karkat chokes back a few tears and continues to put up his rigid demeanor. 

SOLLUX: 0kay, i g0t that part, but it seems m0re like y0u're hiding s0mething.  
SOLLUX: i was willing t0 listen until y0u tried t0 draft me and if y0u keep 0n acting like this, i'll leave.  
KARKAT: *I'M* HIDING SOMETHING?!  
KARKAT: IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAME BACK FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE, IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUNERAL AND YEARS LATER, YOU TURN UP ON MY DOORSTEP!  
KARKAT: IF ANYONE IS HIDING SOMETHING, IT'S YOU!  


Sollux steps back and puts on a serious face. 

SOLLUX: if y0u pr0mise t0 st0p this charade, i'll tell y0u exactly where i was and what i was d0ing.  
KARKAT: FINE.  
SOLLUX: dead jade, fr0m the c0rpse party was actually an alternate versi0n 0f calli0pe that me and aradia chased all the way t0 earth.  
SOLLUX: she warned us 0f the prince 0f heart, wh0 was taking c0ntr0l 0f an0ther universe, parallel t0 this 0ne.  
SOLLUX: the plan was t0 escape this universe, s0 we c0uld fight the prince.  
SOLLUX: daveb0t later j0ined aradia and t00k my place in the fight.  
KARKAT: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?  
SOLLUX: all are l0ng g0ne and are pr0bably fighting the prince right n0w.  


Karkat pauses for a few minutes. 

KARKAT: THEN DAVE... ISN'T COMING BACK.  
SOLLUX: n0, he isn't.  


Karkat clasps his face in his hands, regretting never telling Dave how he felt. Regretting, never even facing him at the wedding... 

Karkat looks up again, tears in his eyes and asks a question. 

KARKAT: DO YOU KNOW WHY... WHY DAVE LEFT?  
SOLLUX: s0me ex-ruler 0f the humans c0nvinced him int0 it.  


Karkat sits down and thinks back to when Jade told him Obama turned Dave into a robot and that he left to fight Dirk. Karkat wasn't sure Jade was telling the truth then, because of their troubled history. No that wasn't the reason, it's because Karkat was so in denial about Dave leaving, he needed to hear it from someone else. 

KARKAT: SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?  
SOLLUX: i t0ld jade this already, but i'm g0ing t0 stick ar0und f0r a few days.  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW, I CAN'T LET YOU LEAVE.  
SOLLUX: d0n't start this mete0r shit all 0ver again, y0u kn0w h0w well it went last time!  
KARKAT: AND YOU LEFT THE FIRST CHANCE YOU GOT AND I THOUGH I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!  
SOLLUX: well i did just die and i wanted t0 spend s0me time with aradia!  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU KILLED YOURSELF?!  
SOLLUX: i wanted t0 die and j0in aradia and feferi in the bubbles.  
MEENAH: such a )(OPL-ESS romantic kinda sweet actually  
SOLLUX: WHEN THE FUCK DID Y0U GET HERE?!  
MEENAH: take it down a notch patchless i was def here the whole time  
SOLLUX: just *great*, this mess 0f a c0nversati0n was 0pen t0 a third party!  
SOLLUX: wh0 else is here?!  
MEENAH: you two fuckin bicker like an old couple  
MEENAH: but hey i dont mean to pry in your blackrom feels  
MEENAH: man maybe i should be a tad jealous nubby never yells at me like this anymore  


Karkat stands up and takes in a deep breath. 

KARKAT: ENOUGH!  
KARKAT: SOLLUX, YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! MEENAH, STAY OUT OF THIS!  
SOLLUX: i'm N0T w0rking in the br00ding caverns!  
KARKAT: THEN PICK WHATEVER!  


Karkat stomps towards Sollux and gives him a second military outfit. 

SOLLUX: st0p giving me jade cl0thes!  
KARKAT: THEY'RE NOT JADE THIS TIME.  
SOLLUX: are y0u seri0usly f0rcing me t0 j0in this army?  
KARKAT: THAT'S WHAT DRAFTED MEANS.  


Sollux shakes his head and opens a door. 

KARKAT: THAT'S THE CLOSET!  
MEENAH: still havent got a handle on bein blind  
SOLLUX: 0h yes, h0w *silly* 0f me t0 n0t kn0w the lay0ut 0f the wh0le facility after 0ne day!  
MEENAH: hey lemme get the right door for you patchless  
MEENAH: aint it the job of a totally gracious ruler to help the worn out members of her kingdom  
SOLLUX: i've g0t shivers.  


Sollux leaves the room. 

KARKAT: MEENAH, YOU WERE RIGHT.  
MEENAH: when am i never not 38D  


On the other side of the door, Sollux is welcomed back by Jade, who automatically leaps into Sollux's arms. 

JADE: how did it go???  
SOLLUX: as ab0ut as well as expected.  
SOLLUX: karkat wants t0 keep me l0cked up here like 0ne 0f th0se lame lass in a scrape r0mc0ms.  
JADE: im sure hes just concerned about what jane would do to you. <>  


Sollux walks his way back to his abode, carrying Jade on his back. 


	5. As T0ld By S0llux

**Characters in this chapter** :

 

**SOLLUX**

****

**JADE**

**KARKAT**

**JANE**

****

**FEFERI**

****

**VRISKA**

 

 

 

 

A few weeks pass and Sollux and Jade are on the couch. 

Sollux finally decides to decrypt the army costume Karkat gave him after a few tries; sadly he can't decrypt as well as when he had eyes and powers, especially not without headphones. As Sollux examines the clothes, two eye patches fall out. Jade looks at them, picks one up and notices it has a red Gemini symbol on it. 

SOLLUX: what dropped?  
JADE: eyepatches!  
SOLLUX: i wish pe0ple w0uld st0p making me wear th0se things.  
SOLLUX: it's n0t like karkat kn0ws h0w itchy they can be.  


Jade pauses for a moment while looking Sollux. 

JADE: sollux... karkat DOES wear an eyepatch! :/  
SOLLUX: s0 i was supp0sed t0 kn0w that?  
JADE: its super obvious!  
JADE: though you are blind.  


Jade snuggles up to Sollux and paps him. 

JADE: maybe you should start wearing this.  
SOLLUX: the eye patches?  
JADE: the tron suit!  
SOLLUX: y0u mean the military suit that i refuse t0 wear.  
JADE: maybe I could make some new clothes for you!! :o  


Jade goes to the terminal at the entrance of the apartment and types in a few codes; she hands the captchalogue cards to Sollux. 

JADE: here you go! 

Jade looks at Sollux puzzlingly as he fiddles with the cards. 

JADE: do you want me to read them to you?  
SOLLUX: n0, i'm turning on the braille.  
JADE: they have braille??? :o  
SOLLUX: 0nly if y0u kn0w h0w t0 hack them right 0_<.  
SOLLUX: teacher's sweater vest... teacher's pants... teacher's glasses?!  
SOLLUX: d0 i *l00k* like the kind 0f pers0n wh0 needs glasses?  
JADE: no but it pulls the whole thing together!  
JADE: at least that what i got from listening to rose and kanaya.  
SOLLUX: i supp0se it's better than wearing army fatigues.  


Sollux puts them in his Sylladex. 

JADE: can i see them on you now??? 

Sollux grunts and hacks the code for the encryption. 

JADE: ooh i ca- 

Jade's phone starts to ring and is surprised to see Karkat is ringing her! She quickly picks the whole up because she knows Karkat doesn't like to wait. 

JADE: Karkat?!  
`KARKAT: FUCK!`  
JADE: did you butt dial me???  
`KARKAT: ARE YOU WATCHING TV RIGHT NOW?`  
JADE: no, why?  
`KARKAT: TURN THE TV ON NOW!`  


Jade turns the TV on and sees Jane is on it. 

`JANE: It is just so typical of these foolish Trolls to think they could hide this from me.`  
`JANE: they not only lack decency, but common sense as well!`  


JADE: oh nooooooooooo!!! :(  
`KARKAT: THE BATTERWITCH HAS EXPANDED HER TERRITORY AND FOUND THE STASH!`  
`KARKAT: THIS CALLS FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION!`  
JADE: what can i do to help?  
`KARKAT: I'VE FOUND A NEW LOCATION AND I NEED YOU TO DEPLOY THE CARGO THERE, WITH TRAPS THIS TIME!`  
JADE: how soon?  
`KARKAT: ASAP!`  
JADE: got it!  


Karkat hangs up and starts the emergency alarm. 

SOLLUX: what the fuck is g0ing 0n?!  
JADE: jane found the supplies left at the statues of liberty!  
SOLLUX: the wh0 0f what?  
JADE: they're low res statues of a blue woman.  
SOLLUX: 0h, 0f *c0urse*.  
JADE: they were left by past, past dave, dirk knew growing up.  
SOLLUX: human hist0ry s0unds s0 fucking stupid.  
JADE: ill be gone until the morning or later!  


Jade licks Sollux on the face and goes to pack her things, which are all over Sollux's apartment. 

SOLLUX: pffth! i'm g0ing with y0u.  
JADE: but karkat banned you from leaving.  
SOLLUX: screw that assh0le!  
JADE: he is our boss!  
SOLLUX: n0, he's your b0ss, i never signed up f0r this!  
JADE: maybe he'll be fine with it if i take you along, but you have to put on the tron suit or people will think you're suspicious!  


Jade floats up to Sollux's chest and grabs his t-shirt to pull it off. 

SOLLUX: what are y0u d0ing?  
JADE: helping you get the tron suit on.  
SOLLUX: i can put my 0WN cl0thes 0n!  
JADE: sorry!  
JADE: ill pick you up after the debriefing.  


Sollux captchalogues his old, dusty clothes and equips himself with the army gear, sans eye patches. Jade blushes has he does so. 

JADE: oh... hi... bye.  
SOLLUX: y0u're still here?!  


Jade immediately leaves and shuts the door behind her. 

Sollux takes out his headphones and rings someone he's been meaning to for a while now, but never got the chance to. 

`FEFERI: )(i! 38D`  
SOLLUX: sup.  
`FEFERI: )(ow long )(as it B-E-EN?!`  
SOLLUX: t00 long... h0nestly, i'm surprised this even w0rks.  
`FEFERI: Because i'm dead?`  
SOLLUX: yeah, that... i wish y0u didn't bring it up.  
`FEFERI: But it is so fun getting to )(ang out with o)(er g)(ost mes! 38D`  
`FEFERI: W)(ere are you right now?`  
SOLLUX: i g0t enlisted int0 karkat's dumb shit.  
`FEFERI: R-E-ELY? Me too!`  
`FEFERI: We s)(ould definitely glub it up like old times!`  
SOLLUX: h0w ab0ut right n0w.  
`FEFERI: Sorry, I can't because of the emergency signal. Karkat always wants us life power g)(osts to tend to t)(e injured.'  
`FEFERI: W)(en we finally meet up, i s)(orely want to see aradia again!`  
SOLLUX: n0, she's g0ne.  
`FEFERI: I s)(ould be able to find )(er g)(ost somew)(ere around )(ere.`  
SOLLUX: i mean she left the wh0le universe.  
SOLLUX: i wanted t0 talk t0 y0u ab0ut it s00ner, but this is the 0nly real free time i've had.  
`FEFERI: I get it! Being a part of an army is suc)( busy work.`  
`FEFERI: I s)(ould get going now. Colonel seakor )(ates to wait around!`  
SOLLUX: C0L0NAL WH0?!  
`FEFERI: Reely now, no need to yell! See you later! 38D`  


Sollux lies back on the sofa and thinks of who to call next. 

SOLLUX: *sigh* might as well... 

The phone rings, but no-one answers; just as well, Sollux didn't really want to talk to that person anyway. 

Shortly afterward, he stands up and walks around the apartment, but trips on something that wasn't there last time. Just as he dusts himself off, Jade walks back in; never quite learning to knock. 

JADE: oh no, my bucket!  
SOLLUX: what the *FUCK* is a bucket d0ing here?!  
JADE: i put plants in them, trolls are so funny when it comes to buckets!  
JADE: when i first lived with karkat, hed always have a fit about them.  
SOLLUX: are there any *0ther* secret relati0nships i sh0uld kn0w ab0ut?  
JADE: that one wasn't secret, actually we broke up when you came to the other mes funeral.  


She flies up to Sollux's face and kisses him on the mouth. 

JADE: no need to be jealous. ;) 

Before Sollux could reject Jade's beyond moirail advances, the latter suddenly remembers it's time to go. 

Jade climbs up onto Sollux's back and tells him the way to go. 

JADE: now down the left corridor!  
JADE: uh oh...  


Standing at the exit of the base, is Vriska; well known for being the number one bitch in the whole facility. 

VRISKA: wh8 are you doing here?  
VRISKA: Ugh! I can never get used to look at you void rots.  
JADE: im here to put the traps down.  
VRISKA: Then why are you still here? You can't ride that into 8attle!  
SOLLUX: didn't y0u say s0mething ab0ut being a fucking NICER pers0n?!  
VRISKA: wh8t's he talking a8out? Did your 8rain leak out with your eyes?  
JADE: thats kanaya and rose's daughter, not (vriska)!  
SOLLUX: s0 there's a distincti0n n0w?  
VRISKA: Like there hasn't always 8een?  
VRISKA: Now turn around and put that old rotter 8ack where you found him.  
SOLLUX: i never th0ught i'd meet s0me0ne m0re INSUFFERABLE in my entire life than the vriska i knew gr0wing up!!  
JADE: also i think hes technically not a void rot. :/  
VRISKA: Don't care. Either you don't do your jo8 or you leave 8aldy McNoeyes 8ehind.  


Sollux turns around and starts to walk away. Jade paps him and rubs his head, trying to comfort him. 

JADE: ignore her! >:o  
SOLLUX: i am. is the d00r 0pen?  
JADE: to the exit? yeah.  
SOLLUX: hang 0n.  


He turns around again and begins to run faster, and faster until Vriska has to move out of the way, or he would ram into her. The pair eventually make it out of the base. 

VRISKA: Y88 V88D R8T R8T8RD8D F8CK!  
JADE: SOLLUX, STOP!!!  


He skids to a stop, just before hitting a large boulder, concealing the entrance. 

JADE: what the hell was that?!?!?! :o :o <3  
SOLLUX: a quick way 0ut 0_<.  


Jade floats into the sky while checking the map and her surroundings and picks Sollux up in her arms. 

JADE: that way! 

She flies to the dropoff point and starts to get ready for the gear and traps. 

SOLLUX: y0u can put me d0wn n0w.  
JADE: oh yeah, sorry!  


Sollux takes some traps and supplies with him, as Jade just stares longingly. 

JADE: what are you doing?  
SOLLUX: feeling ar0und f0r huge blue w0men.  
JADE: different colors feel like different things??  
SOLLUX: n0, i was actually waiting f0r y0u t0 drag me t0 them.  


Jade tells Sollux the locations, but has to practically do all the work for him anyway. She begins to think that maybe Karkat had a point of not allowing Sollux to leave, but on the other hand, it's fun to just get out and hang out with someone you love. 

Maybe this could be considered their first date in a weird way? After all, Sollux had been less grouchy than normal when they were alone. 

JADE: oh, the sun's coming up. 

She throws Sollux a wrapped up sandwich, which he miraculously managed to catch. Perhaps he only wanted to spend time away from the base with her and didn't really need her help after all? Maybe he CAN feel colors??? These thoughts race through her mind as she stares at Sollux awkwardly gum down his food. 

SOLLUX: are we g0ing back n0w 0r what? 

Jade lifts him up and flies back to the base, without saying a word. 


	6. D00m and Space

**Characters in this chapter** :

**SOLLUX                                                                                                         ROSE  
**

**JADE                                                                                                           KANAYA  
**

**KARKAT**

****

**VRISKA**

****

**(JOHN)**

****

**MEENAH**

 

 

 

 

Sollux and Jade are about to re-enter the base after planting the supplies and traps, but get stopped by a certain bitch. 

VRISKA: Just so you know, I totally just snitched on you. 8888)  
VRISKA: He'll 8e here any moment.  


Like clockwork, Sollux and Jade start to hear trembling footsteps. It's surprising how such a short person can walk so loudly. 

KARKAT: JADE, SOLLUX WHAT THE *FUCK* DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!  


He points at Sollux. 

KARKAT: I FOREBODE YOU FROM LEAVING THE PREMISES!  


He then turns around and glares at Jade. 

KARKAT: AND *YOU*! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO DRAG HIM OUT AFTER CURFEW!!  
KARKAT: YOU CAN DATE IN YOUR OWN SPARE TIME AND THE BATTLEFIELD ISN'T THE RIGHT *FUCKING* PLACE TO DO IT!!  


His face goes bright red as he shouts more and more at the pair. Vriska finds it all very amusing, until Karkat turns his attention on her. 

KARKAT: WHAT WERE YOU *THINKING* LETTING HER TAKE SOLLUX OUT?!  
VRISKA: Hey, don't 8lame me, the 8lind one charged 8 me!  
VRISKA: Also, you should pro8a8ly stop yelling so much, or the 8atter8itch will find us.  


Karkat was about to chew her head off for saying that, but all four got distracted by a blue blur falling from the sky. 

???: ow! 

Karkat peers into the impact site. 

KARKAT: JOHN?!  
JOHN: karkat?! why do you look like someone's dad now?  
JOHN: how are you even alive?  
VRISKA: Here we go again...  
JOHN: why is vriska the only one who looks kinda normal?  
VRISKA: This is Earth. You're called (John) now. Karkat looks old 8ecause he is old. I'm not the Vriska you know and i'm 8000 times cooler than her.  
(JOHN): you mean fake dream bubble earth or real earth?  
VRISKA: Real Earth.  
JADE: how did you even get here???  
(JOHN): i saw a giant green anime thing and got sucked into it and now i'm here i guess?  
(JOHN): so is this where all the troll ghosts ended up?  
VRISKA: This reunion is touching and all, 8ut we should really get 8ack inside.  


They all walk back inside the base, except for Jade, who, like normal, decides to ride Sollux. 

JADE: (i thought only troll ghosts could get here.)  
SOLLUX: (n0, 0nly we f0ught l0rd english, s0 we g0t here s00ner.)  
JADE: (how does that work?)  
SOLLUX: (this universe is in the black h0le f0rmed by the destructi0n 0f the green sun, which is where the fight t00k place.)  
JADE: (so it's only a matter of time until i see more ghosts of me??)  
SOLLUX: (pr0bably).  


Back inside the base, Karkat and Vriska discuss what to do with (John). 

VRISKA: He may be cute, 8ut what can we do with him?  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
VRISKA: There's already so many 8ooooooooring ghosts around, we don't need another!  
KARKAT: SINCE YOU CLEARLY HAVE NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY, BRING OVER MEENAH.  
VRISKA: What are YOU talking a8out? I'm the most interesting thing here!  
(JOHN): hey so... do you mind explaining why earth is in a weird anime thing?  
VRISKA: Ok, fine, I'll go get her. Don't want to explain this shit to someone else.  


Just as Vriska leaves, Jade and Sollux catch up. 

JADE: (good riddance)  
(JOHN): why are you riding that tall bald guy?  
JADE: because he's my boyfriend.  
(JOHN): what about dave?  
SOLLUX: he left f0r s0me mundane reas0n.  
(JOHN): oh that sucks! i wanted to see if this weird anime world made everyone but vriska old.  
JADE: john...  
(JOHN): what?  
JADE: it's been 26 years. :/  


Meenah arrives on the scene, looking unimpressed. 

MEENAH: oh its this dork  
MEENAH: just tell me how you died so we can log that into the timeline whatchamacallit  
(JOHN): i exploded on my planet with bird dave  
MEENAH: cool thats all i need from you  
(JOHN): i still don't know what's going on though  
MEENAH: thats normal you get used to it  
(JOHN): b-  
MEENAH: i aint repeatin myself  
MEENAH: nubby lets go  
MEENAH: (hes the one best leave them in private)  


Karkat and Meenah exit and go back into their shared office, leaving (John) bewildered. 

JADE: john... its been so long.  
(JOHN): isn't there another living version of me around?  
JADE: yeah but hes from a different timeline, maybe even the same one sollux is from.  
(JOHN): how can i be from your time line?  
JADE: because i survived and... we won. :)  
JADE: it sucked being alone on the ship for so long, but we managed to win anyway.  
(JOHN): yeah, sorry about that.  
JADE: dont be!  


Sollux starts to walk back home and John follows. 

(JOHN): so wait, your bf is from a different timeline too? how did he even make it here?  
SOLLUX: with the rest 0f the gh0sts.  
(JOHN): but you're not dead? i can't really tell because your eyes are black.  
SOLLUX: i d0n't have eyes.  
(JOHN): shouldn't you cover them up?  
JADE: john don't be rude!  
JADE: sollux you have beautiful eye sockets!  


She rubs her finger around the rim of one of his eye sockets and it starts to get warmer. 

JADE: ah, whys it so hot there?  
SOLLUX: because that's what happens when i fire eyes beams 0ff.  
JADE: you tried to shoot me?  
SOLLUX: it's m0re 0f a reflex and it's n0t like it w0uld even w0rk n0w.  
(JOHN): *ahem* where are we going?  
JADE: to our apartment.  
(JOHN): this hall ends in a dead end though.  
JADE: sollux, its right at the first set of stairs.  
SOLLUX: 0h yeah.  
(JOHN): he can't remember the way?  
JADE: he needs reminding because hes blind.  
(JOHN): why are we letting a blind guy lead us then?  
SOLLUX: because i can.  
(JOHN): this world seems kind of dumb.  
(JOHN): also isn't it a pain getting together with trolls? they have that weird quadrant thing they force you into doing.  
JADE: get with the times, everyone here uses quadrants now.  
JADE: sollux wouldn't manipulate me into filling one either!  
SOLLUX: h0w d0 y0u kn0w i'm n0t?  
JADE: so are you admitting you knew exactly where the traps went?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
(JOHN): what traps?  
JADE: theres a war going on against jane.  
(JOHN): is she evil now or something?  
JADE: yes, she runs a lot of anti-troll propaganda.  
(JOHN): like a nazi?  
JADE: pretty much.  
(JOHN): this world is definitely dumb.  
SOLLUX: y0u get used t0 it.  


The threesome eventually make it to Sollux and Jade's flat. 

(JOHN): why is it so messy in here?  
SOLLUX: this is where jade "n0rmally" sleeps.  
(JOHN): why don't you share a bed?  
SOLLUX: because we're "pale".  
JADE: yes, please keep on talking about my relationship status with my 13 year old dead brother!  
SOLLUX: are y0u d0ing a sarcastic rant right n0w? that is kind 0f cute.  
JADE: go to bed!  
SOLLUX: which 0ne?  
JADE: the gooey normal one! <3< >:(  
SOLLUX: are y0u j0ining me n0w 0r sneaking in again later?  
(JOHN): i... i'm going to go find rose!  


John runs out of the front door and slams it. 

JADE: are you happy now?! You scared off my only family here!!!  
SOLLUX: ehehehe.  
JADE: its not funny!!! >:(  
SOLLUX: w0uld it make y0u feel better if i said s0mething lame like "i l0ve y0u"?  


Jade can't believe what she's hearing him say! She was right all along earlier? 

SOLLUX: y0unger me w0uld have ch0cked even thinking ab0ut saying that.  
JADE: younger like when we first met a few weeks ago?  
SOLLUX: n0, i mean the 6 sweep 0ld me.  
SOLLUX: i c0uldn't even talk ab0ut it in public with0ut making s0me dumb sarcastic remark.  
JADE: sounds like you were a hot wreck.  
SOLLUX: i've always been a wreck, but n0w it sh0ws m0re 0n the 0utside.  


Sollux walks to the Recuperacoon, strips and gets in with Jade still on him; she follows suit. 

JADE: lets get married!  
SOLLUX: the fuck is married?  
JADE: its like being in all quadrants the whole time!  
SOLLUX: i d0n't think i can d0 m0re than 0ne at a time.  
SOLLUX: i think it w0uld just be better if we picked 0ne and stuck with it.  
JADE: but i like being all of them with you. :(  
SOLLUX: i'm 0ld fashi0ned like that.  
JADE: so which one should we pick?  


She slides into the sopor slime and sits in Sollux's lap and he wraps his arms tightly around her. 

* * *

(John) finds his way to the brooding caverns and is disgusted by all the weird wriggling things around him. "why would rose ever want to come here?" he thinks to himself. 

ROSE: John? What are your doing here?  
(JOHN): i fell from anime to here.  
ROSE: Excuse me.  
(JOHN): well i guess this still is anime because it's in anime.  
ROSE: If I were to hazard a guess, I presume you mean you fell into the black hole that envelops our very beings.  
(JOHN): maybe? this place is confusing.  
KANAYA: You Will Soon Be Accustomed To It  
(JOHN): that's what everyone keeps on saying!  
(JOHN): also if we really are in a black hole, shouldn't we get out?  
ROSE: There is no way out.  
(JOHN): and that isn't alarming to anyone but me?  
ROSE: By the time this planet is eaten away, we will all be long gone.  
(JOHN): if you say so...  


John takes another look at the wigglers around him and almost gags. 

(JOHN): what are these things?  
ROSE: Troll offspring.  
(JOHN): they give birth to these things?!  
KANAYA: The Mother Grub Takes Care Of Those Requirements.  
ROSE: You really should read up on troll biology.  
(JOHN): no, i've had enough of troll stuff.  
(JOHN): the tall, bald, blind, eyeless troll who's dating jade said dave left for whatever reason.  
(JOHN): i mean when i say it out loud it sounds made up!  
(JOHN): what happened to vriska anyway?  
(JOHN): i mean the normal one.  
ROSE: She's moved on now.  
(JOHN): so she's dead?  
KANAYA: What I Believe Rose Is Trying To Say Is Shes In A Better Place  
(JOHN): that still sounds like shes dead!  
VRISKA: First of all shes fine, my moms just talk about her weird.  
(JOHN): wait, so why do you have two moms?  
VRISKA: I'm the cooler genetic dou8le of her and my moms adopted me.

(John) struggles to wrap his mind around it all.

ROSE: I don't wish to leave you in such dire straights, so perhaps you could join us for dinner.  
(JOHN): i don't even think i CAN eat anymore.  
ROSE: Nonsense, it's nice to have company.  
(JOHN): ok mo-i mean rose.  


They set up the table and kanaya serves everyone her famous gloop soup.


	7. A Different W0rld

**Characters in this chapter** :

 

**SOLLUX**

 

**JADE**

****

**(JOHN)**

**JANE**

****

**???**

****

**???**

 

 

 

 

(John) rings the doorbell of Jade and Sollux's place, now understanding a bit more about their situation. 

Jade opens the front door, expecting someone else. 

JADE: oh, john?   
(JOHN): hi, so rose, vriska and kanaya explained a bit more what's going on with you.   
(JOHN): yesterday they said dave just left you after you got married and sollux was also ditched by his gf.   
(JOHN): so i'm sorry for that i guess?   
JADE: oh, that...   
(JOHN): i'll go now.   
JADE: no, please stay!   


(John) drifts in and notices the living room room is even messier than before. 

(JOHN): so... isn't it kind of weird?   
JADE: the mess?   
(JOHN): yeah, but also... i mean doesn't it suck?   
JADE: what sucks? that im way older than you?   
(JOHN): no, i mean, about you maybe... living longer than...   
JADE: sollux?   
(JOHN): yeah?   
JADE: ive been meaning to talk to him about that.   


(John) sits on the sofa, hoping not to fall through it. 

(JOHN): won't you and rose be alive way longer than anyone else?   


Jade joins her brother. 

JADE: kanaya is a rainbow drinker and they're immortal i think.   
JADE: meenah ascended to godhood and shes a life player.   
(JOHN): so?   
JADE: so she can extend peoples lives.   
JADE: i know he wont go for it, which is why i never told him.   
(JOHN): do people even get ghosts here?   
(JOHN): i mean the non-dream bubble kind of ghost.   
JADE: i dont know.   
JADE: maybe i should tell him anyway.   
(JOHN): can meaner make me alive again?   
JADE: not without a body.   
JADE: but there are more ghosts here than living people!   
(JOHN): troll ghosts.   
JADE: yeah, theyre not all bad and i know youve had... issues with some of them in the past.   
JADE: me and sollux still managed to have a healthy relationship.   
(JOHN): yeah, but i want to do something else.   
JADE: like what?   
(JOHN): i'm thinking of traveling the world actually.   
JADE: whys that?   
(JOHN): i've kind of always wanted to do it.   


Jade goes over to hug (John), but she goes through him. 

(JOHN): i'm not as solid as i used to be.   
JADE: sure you cant stay longer?   
(JOHN): yeah.   


He leaves out of the wall and she just hopes for his safety. 

Shortly afterwards, Sollux returns home. 

JADE: we should talk.   


Sollux walks over and sits on her lap. 

JADE: not like that.   


He slides down to the settee, in the exact spot (John) was sitting. 

JADE: you know that youre mortal and all?   
SOLLUX: is this a "breakup" speech?   
JADE: NO!!!   
SOLLUX: 0h, i was w0ndering when y0u'd get sick 0f my m0rtality.   
JADE: sollux, be serious! what i mean to say is...   


She grabs his shoulders and looks him right in the sockets. 

JADE: please have meenah extend your life!   


Sollux pauses for a few seconds and his smug smirk turns into a frown. 

SOLLUX: n0, i can't d0 that.   
JADE: but why not?!   
SOLLUX: h0nestly? i miss being half dead.   


Jade slumps down and puts her face in her hands. 

SOLLUX: that d0esn't mean i'd 0nly hang 0ut with 0ther gh0sts after i die.   
JADE: i dont even know if anyone who dies here CAN become a ghost!   
JADE: i havent seen dead adult gamzee or dead adult dirk.   
SOLLUX: if gamzee *is* a gh0st, i'm ascending t0 g0dh00d.   
JADE: will that even work here?   
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w, i just d0n't want t0 ever interact with him ever again!   
JADE: yeah, hes so creepy!   
JADE: but will you at least think about it?   
SOLLUX: y0u'll have t0 get used t0 me all 0ld and decrepit.   
JADE: :(   


Sollux gently gums Jade's lips and when he's done, she licks his face. 

JADE: wanna watch tv?   
SOLLUX: y0u mean "listen t0" tv.   
JADE: yes, silly.   


She turns the TV on, puts her head in Sollux's lap and grabs his hands. 

JADE: promise you wont leave me.   


Sollux sighs, because she's said those exact words almost every day since they've started living together. 

SOLLUX: h0nestly, if the past ruler 0f alternia sh0wed up and turned me int0 a r0b0t, s0 i c0uld pil0t her ship f0rever, i w0uld instantly bl0w up.   
JADE: what if its to fight your ancestor.   
SOLLUX: y0u mean fight 0ver servitude?   
JADE: oh, i see your point now.   
SOLLUX: n0w y0u pr0mise y0u w0n't g0 all aradia 0n me.   
JADE: ill attach myself to you before that happens!!   


* * *

A panicking Private runs through halls of the grand commander's ship. He has an urgent message to give her. 

PRIVATE: *huff* Grand Commander!   


He salutes at her. 

GRAND COMMANDER: What is it now?   
PRIVATE: I have an urgent letter to show you, Grand Commander!   


He hands the woman once called Jane some photos, as well as a letter saying why the person in them wasn't culled on sight. 

GRAND COMMANDER: Interesting.   


She reads the letter and looks at the pictures. 

The memo doesn't please her, but the pictures that contain a certain blind gold blood taken from surveillance drones, does. 

GRAND COMMANDER: How many people know about this?   
PRIVATE: Only me, my boss and you, Grand Commander!   
GRAND COMMANDER: And why pray tell, did he send you over?   
PRIVATE: He's currently busy with other work, Grand Commander!   
GRAND COMMANDER: Too busy to see me then.   
PRIVATE: I'm afraid so, Grand Commander!   
GRAND COMMANDER: Do you know why he wasn't culled on sight?   
PRIVATE: Because we theorise he has valuable information, Grand Commander!   


The Grand Commander rubs her temples and looks out of her massive ship windows. 

GRAND COMMANDER: You know you have strict orders to capture any valuable Trolls on sight! If you can't do your job, then I'm afraid you are of no use to me.   
PRIVATE: Wait, Grand Commander!   
GRAND COMMANDER: What was that?   


She glares at him, paralyzing the poor Private on the spot. 

PRIVATE: What I meant to say, was we couldn't kidnap him because he's been seen with the rebel leader, a Colonel and... and another GOD, Grand Commander!   
PRIVATE: All three of them are outside of our jurisdiction, Grand Commander!   
GRAND COMMANDER: Don't you think I already know that?!   
PRIVATE: I'm sorry, Grand Commander!   
GRAND COMMANDER: It matters not, for I already have someone else in mind.   


She looks at the live footage from a surveillance drone. 

GRAND COMMANDER: You may leave now.   


She presses a button that ejects the Private from the aircraft. 

GRAND COMMANDER: Bring them in!   


Two large men drag in a burgundy blood up to the Grand Commander. 

GRAND COMMANDER: You will tell me who's in this surveillance footage right now, or you're going out the exact same way that Private did.   
HILPMI: its...   


The Troll whispers who it is in the Grand Commander's ears. 

GRAND COMMANDER: Excellent.   
HILPMI: can i goo noow?   
GRAND COMMANDER: No, I have one more job for you.   
HILPMI: butt you said yooud bring me hoome by noow!   
GRAND COMMANDER: Send him back to the cell.   
HILPMI: this is soo uncooool!   


"Jane" can't help but be disgusted by the fact she has to rely on Trolls for anything. She needs to harness their powers for herself, somehow.


	8. The New Best Witch

Sollux is sprawled out on the sofa, waiting for Jade to come back from her assignment. Normally he'd try and tag along with her, but Karkat almost deafened the two of them with his yelling the last time he snuck out.  
He flicks through the TV channels and decides to put the clothes on Jade gave him a few days ago; just as he puts them on he hears knocking on the door.

???: Mmmmh hmmmhm!  
SOLLUX: JUST A SEC0ND!

He feels for any objects containing his "extra curricular activities" and tidies them away, before opening the door.

SOLLUX: what is it?

Feferi floats out of the door and gazes at Sollux.

FEFERI: )(I!!!  
SOLLUX: hey.

The ex-princess floats up to Sollux's shiny head and looks at it disappointingly; she follows that up with staring into the abysses that once held his eyes.

FEFERI: )(mm...

Sollux's face didn't fair much better, as his once smooth skin has now become wrinkled and lined.  
Feferi finishes off by looking at his mouth; his lips turned inward, from not having teeth to hold them upright.

FEFERI: You look reely OLD!

She has a slightly disgusted look on her face.

SOLLUX: i *am* 0ld!  
FEFERI: Clearly.

Sollux doesn't bat an eyelid at her insults.

FEFERI: )(ow OOOOOLD are you?! 500 sweeps?  
SOLLUX: 18.  
FEFERI: O)( I forgot t)(at your caste gets old so FAST!

Sollux hears another knock on the door, but Feferi opens it before he can.

FEFERI: W-ELCOM-E!  
SOLLUX: wh0 are y0u talking t0?  
FEFERI: The party guests!  
SOLLUX: What *glubbing* party?!  
FEFERI: Being blind is no excuse to so unaware! We set this up after you rang me.  
SOLLUX: *WE*?!  
MITUNA: WH035 F4CK1NG GRU8 15 7H15?!  
LATULA: th1s p4rty 1s 4bout to g3t R4D!  
SOLLUX: Terezi?  
LATULA: n4h, 1'm your tot4lly r4d 4unt!  
SOLLUX: what the fuck is an aunt?  
LATULA: ch3ck th1s bod4c1ous gr1nd!

She grinds on the hand rails Sollux uses to feel his way around, as a way to impress him.

MITUNA: MY T1RN!

He attempts to do the same thing with Latula's board, but his bulky helmet makes him lose his balance and falls through his Dancestor.

LATULA: Th4t'z 3nough.

She picks Mituna up and he seems to calm down.

SOLLUX: i need t0 have a w0rd with y0u.

He faces a wall, meaning to direct it at Feferi.

FEFERI: W)(y?  
SOLLUX: (why did y0u invite them here?!)  
FEFERI: You never porpoisly met your dancestor in the bubbles!  
SOLLUX: *why* w0uld i even *want* t0?!  
FEFERI: Because it's so FUN getting to know them!!!!

Jade walks in through the door, not really sure of what to say.

JADE: what um... is going on here? :/  
SOLLUX: an ancest0r get t0gether feferi *insists* 0n having.

Jade looks at the Troll that's related to Sollux and sees him trip up on one of her potted plants; she chuckles at their similarity.

JADE: i think its sort of sweet actually.  
FEFERI: R-E-ELY? I'm surprised you have such good taste.

Jade lets that remark slide.

JADE: i wish i could be with my family...

She looks down, disappointingly.

SOLLUX: y0u're n0t missing anything.  
FEFERI: Try not to be suc)( a party pooper!

Jade perks up, if she can't take to her own relatives, she may as well talk to Sollux's.

JADE: hey, um... whats your name?  
MITUNA: D0N7 W4N7 70 74LK 70 57R4NG3R5!  
JADE: e-excuse me?  
MITUNA: N0!  
LATULA: com3 on b4b3, l3t'z show th3m som3 R4D TR1CKS!

She does a kickflip then grinds on the rails again.  
Mituna follows it up by falling right off of the board as soon as he gets on it.

MITUNA: 0W MY H3LM372 F4LL 0FF 4G41N!

Latula ruffles his hair so she can see his eyes and puts the helmet back on.

LATULA: tubul4r mov3z! <3  
MITUNA: Y32! <3

Jade looks at them share a very brief loving glance.

JADE: aww, theyre so cute! :o

Latula doesn't take kindly to Jade's words and she doubles down on the 80s speak.

SOLLUX: n0w l00k at what y0u've d0ne!  
JADE: im "s0 s0rry".  
FEFERI: Yes, )(e can be a bit of a crouc)(, can't )(e.  
SOLLUX: 0h yes, i *l0ve* t0 be made a m0ckery 0f! is it time t0 humiliate s0llux again?  
JADE: come on, just talk to him.  
SOLLUX: n0!

Jade kisses Sollux on the cheek and paps the other.

MITUNA: N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0!!!  
SOLLUX: what he said.  
SOLLUX: ...SHIT did i just agree with him?!  
FEFERI: See! You are SOOOOOO alike! 38D  
SOLLUX: *fine*

He steps towards Mituna's loud ramblings and tries to start a conversation.

SOLLUX: y0u... mituna?  
MITUNA: Y35!  
SOLLUX: i'm... s0llux.  
MITUNA: 1M L1KC3 2K47380RD!!!  
SOLLUX: what.

The duo stand awkwardly apart from each other, standing rigidly.

LATULA: (t4lk to h1m about v1d3og4m3s!)  
MITUNA: V1D30G4MN35!!! 1 L1K3 2K47380RD1NFG!

Latula and Jade can clearly see their boyfriends are going nowhere. Despite this, Feferi's white eyes sparkle in anticipation.

JADE: make eye contact!  
SOLLUX: i d0n't have eyes t0 make c0ntact *with*  
JADE: you know what i mean!  
LATULA: 1t w4s so h4rd to conv1nc3 m1tun4 to do th1s.

Jade is taken aback by Latula's sudden use of non-80s slang.

JADE: y-yes sollux is the same.  
LATULA: s1nc3 th3 acc1d3nt, h3's b33n 4 h4ndful... but 1 lov3 h1m.

Jade looks at Latula and smiles. She blushes back and can't believe she spoke to a stranger about how she actually feels.

MITUNA: 1... 1... 1... 1... L05V3Y08UL47UL4!!!!!! <3

Tears well up from his rad girl's eyes and grins happily back at him.

SOLLUX: 0w. my hearing nubs.  
FEFERI: O)( don't be suc)( a spoil sprat!

Mituna floats up closer to Sollux and whispers in his ear.

MITUNA: (0N3 3L Z3R0 V33 33 WHY Z3R0 Y0U, D33 7HR33 7W0 C33 7HR33 3N D33 F0UR 3N 733.)  
SOLLUX: 0ne what?  
MITUNA: (0N3 F0UR 3M V33 7HR33 4R3 P33 4R Z3R0 Y0U D33 ZER0 3FF WHY ZER0 Y0U.)  
SOLLUX: why are y0u speaking in c0de?  
MITUNA: (F0UR C33 Z3R0 D33 7HR33 Z3RO 3N 3L WHY WHY Z3R0 Y0U C33 FOUR 3N D33 7HR33 C33 0N3 P33 4YCH 7HR33 4R3.)

He hands Jade a piece of paper that reads the exact thing Mituna just said to Sollux. On the other side there's more nonsense writing on it.

 

 

> 0N3 4YCH Z3R0 P33 7HR33 WHY Z3R0 Y0U D33 Z3R0 G33 4R3 7HR33 F0UR 23V3N 53V3N 4YCH 0N3 3N G33 7W0 F0UR 3N D33 4YCH F0UR V33 7HR33 3M 4Y 3N WHY Z3R0 3FF 3FF F1V3 P33 4R3 0N3 3N G33.  
>  3M WHY 7W0 4YCH F0UR K4Y WHY 7W0 4Y 3N 0N3 53V3N WHY 0N3 F1V3 3FF F0UR D33 0N3 3N G33 F0UR 3N D33 0N3 D0U8L3Y0U 0N3 7W0 4YCH WHY 0H Y0U G33 Z3R0 Z3R0 D33 3L Y0U C33 K4Y.  
>  D33 Z3R0 3N 733 3FF Z3R0 4R3 G33 7HR33 23V3N 53V3N Z3R0 V33 0N3 F1V3 0N3 23V3N Z3R0 4R3 F1V3 F0UR WHY 0N3 3L Z3R0 V33 7HR33 WHY Z3R0 Y0U.  
>  0N3 K4Y 3N Z3R0 D0U83LY0U 4Y Y0U 3N 733 0N3 7HR33 3L 4Y 23V3N Y0U 3L 4Y D0U8L3Y0U 0N3 3L 3L F0UR P33 P33 4R 7HR33 C33 0N3 F0UR 53V3N 7HR33 0N3 23V3N.

JADE: what. :/  
LATULA: h3's b33n g1v1ng th3s3 to 3v3ryon3. though th1s on3 1s tot4lly word13r th4n norm4l.

She looks away shyly, trying to keep her "rad" tude going, but it's all fallen apart.

JADE: want to... watch some tv?

Her usual go-to when she doesn't know what to do or say.

LATULA: y3s!  
LATULA: ...th4nk you.  
JADE: this is what family's for! :B

Latula starts to cry again and like before, it's from sheer happiness.

LATULA: most p3opl3 s33 m3 4s noth1ng mor3 th4n a ghost. You r34lly m4k3 m3 f33l al1v3 4g41n.  
FEFERI: Glub! My work )(ere is done!  
JADE: what do you mean?  
FEFERI: I found Sollux's family and now you're all TOG-E)(-ER! 38D  
FEFERI: it was difficult at first because we used to date and i felt like i could be a part of it too, but he looks so old now...  
JADE: wait... you dated Sollux?  
FEFERI: )(ow irresponsible of you not to tell )(er!  
SOLLUX: it never came up.  
FEFERI: for goodness )(ake!  
JADE: how long? :(  
SOLLUX: a m0nth.  
FEFERI: i'll forgive you t)(is time, but you need to be more open!  
FEFERI: tell Latula you love )(er.  
SOLLUX: WHAT.  
FEFERI: s)(e's your family, and let )(er into your life!

Sollux definitely doesn't like this side of Feferi; she was never like this when he knew her.

LATULA: no, 1t's f1n3... you don't h4v3 to.  
FEFERI: Jade, you say you love Mituna.  
JADE: i... what.  
FEFERI: say it!  
JADE: i "love" you mituna?  
FEFERI: Sollux.

He can see this will be a losing battle, so he clenches his gums and says it.

SOLLUX: i l0ve y0u aunt wh0 is half my age.  
FEFERI: good enoug)(.

She leaves out of the wall, like John did a few days ago.

SOLLUX: well that was H0RRIBLE.

Latula's face turns teal, wondering if he really meant it.

JADE: back to... tv.

The four of them sit of the sofa. Latula insists on watching a skating documentary, but is disappointed when she finds out it's ice skating.

MITUNA: H3LM37!

Latula takes it off to look into his eyes, but is too shy to kiss him in front of Jade and Sollux.

JADE: what about this?  
SOLLUX: just watch whatever.

He's too distracted by the note Mituna gave him and reads the braille over and over.

LATULA: do you m1nd... do1ng my m3ss4g3 too?  
SOLLUX: yeah, sure...

He converts it to braille, dejumbles it then transfers it to audio.

SOLLUX: ... here.

Latula plays the audio, loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

 

> Latula, my love, I wish I could say these words right to your face once again.  
>  My thinkpan is a jumbled mess, but the one part that works right, no matter what, are my feelings for you.  
>  I have enjoyed the eons we've spent together and I yearn to spend many more of them by your side, for all of eternity.

His lover's eyes widen up, takes off her rad girl shades and they passionately make out with one another right there.  
When they're done, the four of them cry tears of joy together, as a family.

JADE: that was beautiful! :')  
  
Mituna rests his head on Latula's shoulder; his messy hair getting in her face.  
  
SOLLUX: mmh...  
JADE: why do you keep on reading that thing some many times?  
SOLLUX: it's s0me pers0nal stuff.  
  
He walks to the table that's covered in papers for Jade's paper mache sculpture.  
  
SOLLUX: which pen is yell0w?  
JADE: the leftmost one.  
  
Sollux begins writing; something he hasn't done for a very long time.  
  
JADE: what are you doing?  
LATULA: w3 b3tt3r g3t mov1ng, m1tun4 1s 4bout to dr1ft off.  
  
Jade goes over to hug her, but falls through, much like she did John.  
  
JADE: oh i keep on forgetting that. :(  
  
Latula stands up, takes Mituna's hand, helmet in tow and they walk out of the front door. Guess not all ghosts like moving through walls.  
  
JADE: won't you need these?  
  
She points at the rad shades.  
  
LATULA: n4h, 1'm don3 b31ng "r4d" th3 whol3 t1m3. 1t's 3xh4ust1ng.  
LATULA: 1'd pr3f3r to sp3nd th4t 3xc3ss 3n3rgy on h1m.  
  
She glances at her sleepy boyfriend, smiling softly towards him.  
  
LATULA: 1t w4s n1c3 to m33t th3 clos3st th1ng 1 h4v3 to 4n 4nc3stor.  
JADE: you mean descendant.  
LATULA: th4t too.  
  
Mituna and Latula the hallway, however, they get stopped by Sollux.  
  
SOLLUX: here.  
  
He hands Latula a letter, with incredibly messy, Mituna-ish writing on it.  
  
JADE: what is it?  
  
Latula reads it out loud, to the chagrin of Sollux.  
  
LATULA: "to b3 hon3st, 1 h4v3n't don3 much w1th my l1f3."  
LATULA: "1 don't r34lly w4nt to cont1nu3 our l1n34g3, sorry 1f th4t d1sappo1nts you."  
LATULA: "my m1nd 1sn't wh4t 1t us3d to b3 31th3r."  
LATULA: "1 w1ll v1s1t you wh3n3v3r 1 c4n and 1 do lov3 you."  
  
People in the hallway walking by giggle, thinking it's a love letter of some kind.  
  
MITUNA: 7H4RNK Y0U8.  
  
A cold sweat runs down Sollux's back. Normally he'd only confide these tender emotions in private or for a much smaller audience.  
  
SOLLUX: FUCK!  
  
He storms off back inside the apartment.


	9. Mixed Feelings

Sollux is still feeling down about what happened with Latula yesterday. Jade insists they watch some TCN for a joke, to perk him up.

`MINCRA: What is up you guys. It's your dog, Mincra here for even more True Celebratty News.`  
`MINCRA: In this episode i'll be getting the nitty gritty on the newest celebratty couple: Jade and Sollux!`  
JADE: :(  
`MINCRA: We all know about the mysterious goings on with our Goddess and her mysterious voidrot companion.`  
`MINCRA: However, yesterday Sollux gave a love letter to his aunt!`  
`MINCRA: I'm not saying there's something fishy going on, but the evidence doesn't look good for our girl Jade.`  
`MINCRA: Earlier today said aunt *claimed* it was for Mituna, as some sort of response.`  
`MINCRA: Anyway, that is all you guys and please remember to shoot me a Tweet, tune in every day and give me some esteem points.`

Jade quickly turns off the TV, as she knows other news outlets will be running this story too.

JADE: are you... ok?

Sollux slides down off of the couch until he's sitting on the floor and proceeds to facepalm.

SOLLUX: FUCK!  
JADE: i'm sure it will blow over.

She paps his cheek then hugs him, half expecting to go through.

JADE: i know! we make out in public, that way the news story will stop.

Sollux pulls a disgruntled look on his face.

SOLLUX: yes that is a *great* idea! i "*l0ve*" t0 be humiliated multiple times in a r0w!  
SOLLUX: h0w ab0ut i sn0g y0u right *n0w* in fr0nt 0f *every0ne* 0n nati0nal televisi0n?! 0n0

Jade can't tell if his sarcastic rant has a bit of truth in it or if he's being completely hyperbolic.

SOLLUX: ehehehehehehehehe... FUCK!  
JADE: sollux?

He picks himself up off of the floor, sits back on the sofa and grabs Jade's hand.

SOLLUX: h0nestly, i d0n't even kn0w what y0u see in me. y0u kn0w what i *l00k* like!  
JADE: sollux...  
SOLLUX: i can't d0 *shit* by myself and i dr0ve aradia away because i'm s0 *FUCKING* useless!  
JADE: are you saying... you need me? :o  
SOLLUX: 0F C0URSE I D0! i'd pr0bably be 0ut in the middle 0f a desert right n0w if it weren't f0r...  
JADE: i need you too!!! :) <3 <>

Sollux's dark grey face goes entirely yellow.

JADE: i think thats what love is! its people who need each other for everything!

She paps his face and he kisses her back, on the lips.

JADE: so, which quadrant was that?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.

Angry banging and yelling can start to be heard at the front door.

???: YOU ASSHOLE! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY OUR LUPUS DOGDESS LIKE THAT!  
???: SHE IS WAY TO GOOD FOR A FILTHY VOIDROT LIKE YOU! GO BACK TO BUMPING INTO WALLS!!!  
???: THIS IS WHY GODS SHOULD ONLY DATE OTHER GODS!  
???: YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HER ETERNAL BEAUTY TO APPRECIATE HER!

SOLLUX: *sigh* better get it 0ver with.  
JADE: which kind?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't have teeth t0 bite y0u with.  
JADE: so you admit you want me that way. <3<  
SOLLUX: n0, i d0n't.

Jade isn't quite sure if he meant he doesn't like her that way, or if he's not going to admit it.

The couple walk out, holding hands. Several of the trolls at the door were holding cameras, but Jade doesn't tell Sollux that.

LOUDOR: YOU SLUT! GO AND SUCK DRY ANOTHER GOLD BLOOD!  
YELLER: I HOPE OUR ALL MIGHTY LUPUS DOGDESS RIPS YOU IN TWO!  
SHAWTY: START DATING ME!  
KARKJR: NO! START DATING GODDESS ROXY!

SOLLUX: this is s0 fucking stupid.

Jade bites down on Sollux's lip and he starts to pap her face. The noisy trolls all stop and stare in silence.  
Sollux stops papping and starts to gum her lips, which is when she licks the wounds she caused. They continue their confusing mouth and pap play and when it's all over, it's evident they mean everything to each other.

KARKJR: I STILL THINK ROXY COULD BE BETTER FOR YOU.  
SHAWTY: YOU MEAN *I* WOULD BE BETTER FOR HER!  
KARKJR: GET OVER YOURSELF!  
YELLER: OUR LUPUS DOGDESS HAS SPOKEN! SHE CHOSE HER MATE AND THEY SHALL STAY THAT WAY FOREVER!  
LOUDOR: STOP WITH THE LUPUS CRAP AND WHAT DOES "DOGDESS" EVEN MEAN?!

The four turn on each other and that's when the couple skedaddle back to the apartment and lock the door.

SOLLUX: i can't believe i just did that.  
JADE: so, you CAN do multiple quadrants. <3 <> <3<

He knows where this is going. He lifts his arms up and she takes his shirt off.

JADE: i definitely want to do that again. it was so fun!!

She grabs a pair of reading glasses and puts them on her flushed, pitch and pale boyfriend.

SOLLUX: which 0ne is it this time?

He grabs his blushing girlfriend's dress that she's wearing and captchalogues it.

JADE: how about... this one.

She does the same for his pants.  
They go to lie on the ground, completely nude. Jade puts her head on Sollux's chest, so she can hear his heart beat.

SOLLUX: are y0u g0ing t0 give it t0 me 0r lie there all day?

Jade hands her man a book, which he opens upside down. He squints and glides his fingers across it, but there doesn't seem to be any braille.

JADE: read it to me.  
SOLLUX: 0nce there was a redundant alg0rithm.  
JADE: and?  
SOLLUX: and that's it.  
JADE: sollux, read it properly!  
SOLLUX: and then that alg0rithm st0pped being used because a better 0ne was made by me.  
JADE: your stories are so weird and about hacking and codes you make.  
SOLLUX: i used t0 be the best at it. i still am.  
JADE: you are such a geek! :o  
SOLLUX: ehehehehehehehehe when have i n0t been.

Jade grabs the book from him, still upside down.

JADE: there used to be a dog who looked after a lonely girl and they were the best of friends.  
JADE: one day an alien killed the girl's dog friend and the only way they could be together again, is if they fused.  
JADE: the girl was against it, but she didn't even have a choice and got beaten up for it. :(  
JADE: she wanted to die and to go back to being dead. she was absolutely miserable.  
JADE: the one who beat her died a few hours later and then she ascended to doghood.

Sollux kisses her on the cheek.

SOLLUX: i h0pe it was w0rth it.  
JADE: it was.

She licks him back and hands the book over.

JADE: tell me your actual backstory!  
SOLLUX: i died then we w0n 0ur sessi0n and that d0g y0u sp0ke ab0ut fucked us 0ver.  
JADE: oh no!!! :(  
SOLLUX: after that i didn't want anything t0 d0 with human stuff.  
JADE: OH NO!!! :(  
SOLLUX: then my eyes fell 0ut.  
JADE: OOOHH NOOOO!!!!!! ... wait, i already know about that part.  
SOLLUX: and i died again and st0pped giving a fuck.  
JADE: you died twice?  
SOLLUX: yes and after that gamzee fucked me 0ver harder than any d0g ever c0uld.  
SOLLUX: he ripped the gh0st 0ut 0f me and i went back t0 being alive and blind again.

Jade strokes his short, wispy beard.

JADE: thats awful. :(  
SOLLUX: dream bubbles aren't even s0lid and s0 i needed pe0ple t0 drag me ar0und, usually aradia.  
SOLLUX: i g0t used t0 it.  
JADE: it sucks being used as a doormat. :(

Her mate combs his fingers through her long, wavy hair.

JADE: you know your way around here without any help.  
SOLLUX: 0nly fr0m the entrance 0f the base t0 here and the way t0 the cafeteria.

Jade gets close to his face.

JADE: (so independent. a beautiful man such as yourself doesnt need help with anything.)

She pushes her breasts against his chest.

JADE: (i love men like you.)  
SOLLUX: funny, because it really seems like y0u like d0ing everything f0r me.  
JADE: dont ruin the moment!

He smiles smugly at her.

JADE: what are you doing?  
SOLLUX: "reading" the rest 0f the b00k.

He adjusts his glasses and flips through pages at random intervals.

JADE: what does it say this time?

Sollux wraps an arm around his Dogdess.

SOLLUX: there was 0nce a redundant alg0rithm.  
JADE: stop telling the same story! >:(  
SOLLUX: ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!  
SOLLUX: y0u're s0 cute when y0u're angry.  
JADE: you look so stupid and adorable wearing those glasses! <3 <> <3<

Her eyeless man paps her face and grins.

SOLLUX: then i guess i'll have t0 keep them 0n.  
JADE: i love yooooooooooooooooooouuuu!!!  
SOLLUX: take y0ur glasses 0ff.  
JADE: why?  
SOLLUX: i have s0mething t0 give y0u.

She takes them off; her vision blurs and she can hardly see in front of her.

SOLLUX: here.

He puts a pair of iconic red and blue shades on her.

SOLLUX: these are y0urs n0w.  
JADE: you can have my old glasses.  
SOLLUX: i already have a pair.  
JADE: i cant see anything. :(  
SOLLUX: then let me sh0w Y0U ar0und fr0m n0w 0n. it is my j0b.  
JADE: or i could just wear contacts.

Jade plays along anyway and has Sollux show her around the flat.

JADE: youre the best boyfriend ever!! <3 <> <3<  
SOLLUX: its all thanks t0 my glasses. (that sounded s0 fucking stupid!)

Jade goes closer to him.

JADE: can you see me?  
SOLLUX: n0.

Closer.

JADE: how about now?  
SOLLUX: n0.

Even closer.

JADE: now?  
SOLLUX: n0.

She gets so close, their faces touch.

JADE: how about this?

Sollux tilts his head back begins to gently caress her face.

SOLLUX: i can see y0u n0w. 0u0  
JADE: <3 <> <3<!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
SOLLUX: y0ur face is getting warmer.

He rubs the warm spot.

JADE: marry me!!!  
SOLLUX: why?  
JADE: because well make a beautiful husband and wife!

Jade's phone starts to ring and she picks it up.

JADE: john?!  
`JOHN: yeah.`  
JADE: why are you phoning me now?!  
`JOHN: I'm maybe thinking of joining the troll army?`  
JADE: :o  
`JOHN: life out here is really bad now.`  
JADE: i heard. :/  
`JOHN: how does joining the army even work?`  
JADE: just come in the back entrance, sollux will show you around`  
`JOHN: who?`  
JADE: one of the trolls from the funeral.  
`JOHN: dirk's funeral?`  
JADE: no, the other one.`  
JADE: im looking forward to seeing roxy and harry anderson again! :B  
`JOHN: they won't be coming.`  
JADE: oh no, why not? :(  
`JOHN: roxy still believes in jane and won't our child join the army.`  
`JOHN: it's kind of dumb?`  
JADE: yeah, shes passed any redemption. :/  
JADE: so when are you thinking of coming?  
`JOHN: next wednesday, unless that's too soon?`

She sends her brother a map to get in.

JADE: see you then!! :)

They both hang up.

JADE: now where were we? <3 <> <3<  
SOLLUX: zzzn...

She looks over at Sollux, who's fallen fast asleep, sockets wide open.


	10. A Haunted Success

John walks up to the back of the Troll's army base. He holds his phone and looks at the map, to check if it's the right place. Abruptly, a hidden door opens up and behind it is a very tall, lanky Troll.

JOHN: sollux?  
SOLLUX: yes.

He offers John an elbow, which he looks at confusingly.

JOHN: so... how long have you been here?  
SOLLUX: ab0ut tw0 m0nths.  
SOLLUX: are y0u c0ming 0r what?

John lets Sollux lead, even though he isn't quite sure he knows where he's going.

SOLLUX: this is the cafeteria.  
JOHN: why's it so dingy in here?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.  
JOHN: so do trolls ever stop growing?  
SOLLUX: are y0u g0ing f0ll0w me and st0p asking assassin quiesti0ns 0r d0 i have t0 get jade t0 drag y0u?

John looks up at the tall troll and sees he has no eyes. Wait, is it even possible for eyeless trolls to know where they're going? Terezi could but she still probably had eyes.  
Now that he thinks about it, this troll reminds him of someone else.

JOHN: you kind of remind me of someone.  
SOLLUX: let me guess: it's definitely *n0t* terezi is it.

He follows and takes a closer look at this mysterious Troll.

JOHN: no, it's a guy with eyepatches and he was with a creepy troll on a pirate ship.  
SOLLUX: aradia.  
JOHN: then he fell down some stairs and flew away with two other ghosts I think?  
SOLLUX: nepeta and feferi.

John starts to think maybe this troll is psychic?

GORSIP: (Oh My Gosh! Is That Who I THINK It Is?!)  
CHETTY: (It IIIS! LORD John is so... very MANLY! I would do ANYTHING to get his autograph!)  
SCADOL: (i am 9oin9 to *SWOON*!)  
GORSIP: (Quick Ladies! We Must Make A News Article, Featuring His Burly, Godly Physique!)

Said burly man sees the Trolls in the hallway that move out of the way when Sollux gets near them. Are they scared of him?

JOHN: how do you know about that?  
SOLLUX: because i was there.  
SOLLUX: vriska f0rced me and aradia int0 her shit. well m0re like *i* was f0rced int0 it.  
SOLLUX: i escaped s0 i c0uld be free fr0m it, th0ught n0t like i have any freed0m t0 begin with.  
JOHN: like how you're in the army.  
SOLLUX: like h0w i had t0 d0 whatever aradia wanted because i was stupid enough t0 think she was my friend.  
JOHN: well I'm sure it's not that bad.  
SOLLUX: n0, it is! she left me t0 fight s0me0ne in an0ther universe because i just wasn't fucking w0rth it!  
JOHN: like how dave left jade? that was pretty messed up.

Sollux stops at a branching corridor and starts to mumble numbers under his breath.

JOHN: are you lost?  
SOLLUX: n0.

He turns left and feels his way to a door, then opens it.

JADE: welcome back! :)

She hugs the tall troll's legs.

SOLLUX: i wasn't g0ne f0r that l0ng.  
JADE: i know, i was just worried you wouldnt come back!  
SOLLUX: y0u say that every time i g0 0ut.

She then goes over to hug her brother.

JADE: i missed hugging you!  
JOHN: ok?

He doesn't really know what that means.

JADE: youre just in time! were sending out wedding invites, you can come too! :B  
JOHN: isn't it a bit soon?  
JADE: of course not!  
JOHN: don't you think you're pushing it after the last wedding?  
JADE: no, i love weddings! :)

John grimaces, he doesn't really know what else to tell her. She shouldn't marry so soon after Dave left and he can't tell her what to do.

JOHN: well I mean... if you really want to marry that guy.  
JADE: john you dork muffin, were not getting married yet!  
SOLLUX: we're never g0ing t0 get married.  
JADE: yes we will!  
SOLLUX: the last wedding y0u went t0 didn't g0 s0 well.

Jade jabs him in the arm for that remark.

SOLLUX: 0w.

She tugs at his facial hair and drags him down until they're face level.

JADE: youre going to marry me one day and well be a beautiful wife and husband.  
SOLLUX: 0w, 0w, let g0 0f my beard, 0w.

John grimaces even more. If they're fighting this much before getting married, how will they survive actual matrimony?

JADE: dont mind sollux, hes in one of his moods.

She lets go and Sollux rubs his chin in pain.

JADE: come on, time to send out the invites.

John witnesses her climb up to his back and she grabs his two longer horns and uses them like a make-shift steering device.

JADE: we have to go to the ghost dungeon first.  
SOLLUX: 0k.

The three go down a seemingly unending flight of stairs. It gets darker as they go deeper.

JOHN: (sorry about my sister.)  
SOLLUX: (why?)  
JOHN: (we could start an intervention.)  
SOLLUX: (f0r what?)  
JOHN: (she's riding you like a pack mule!)  
SOLLUX: (it's n0ne 0f y0ur business what your relati0n d0es with me.)

John is surprised to hear that response. Maybe Sollux is too in denial to realise he's being used by Jade?

JADE: what are you two talking about?  
SOLLUX: he thinks y0u're abusing me.

He REALLY wishes Sollux didn't just say that!

JADE: john, its none of your business what i do with sollux.

She paps Sollux's cheek and kisses him on the head. He smiles and blushes then paps her back.

JADE: i love you~ <3 <> <3<  
SOLLUX: 0k, ehehehehehe.

John sees he might have been wrong about them all along.

JOHN: doesn't it hurt having jade on your back?  
JADE: are you saying im fat? :(  
JOHN: no, i mean...

They finally reach the bottom floor and Jade forgets all about John's insult.

JADE: ooh! time to send out invites!

In the dungeon, it's pitch black and the only things that can be seen are mysterious white orbs, floating in pairs.

JADE: here!

She hands an invite to one set of orbs.

JADE: come on you two! hand them out to everyone!

John has to follow her voice because it's too dark for him to see anything.

FEFERI: Am I invited?! 38D  
JADE: everyone is invited!!! :B  
FEFERI: I'm so GLUBBING -EXCIT-ED!!!

She spreads the news and helps hand out more invites.

JOHN: why are we inviting a bunch of ghosts?  
JADE: john, ghosts are people too.

They wind their way through many corridors and find a large room.

JADE: this is the ghost's dorm!

There are millions of blank spheres, all staring at the four of them. John notices no-one but him seems to mind it, but he can't help feel a cold shiver run down his spine.

FEFERI: )(ere, take some! 38D

When she hands them the letters, a loud roar emerges from the inky darkness.

ERIDAN: wwait wwere actually invvited to somethin  
FEFERI: Y-ES!!!  
ERIDAN: wwell about fuckin time

He looks up at Sollux.

ERIDAN: wwell since im still doin my redemption arc im sorry for makin you blind  
SOLLUX: i d0n't really care.  
ERIDAN: then wwhy did you try and phone me awwhile ago  
SOLLUX: because i was 0ut 0f my fucking mind, that's why!  
ERIDAN: sol dont you think you have somethin to say to me  
SOLLUX: and what the *fuck* w0uld that be?  
ERIDAN: for stealin my fef awway from me  
SOLLUX: i didn't "steal" any0ne.  
ERIDAN: wwell im sorry for that too not like i can get much lowwer than i am noww  
ERIDAN: bein a ghost fuckin sucks  
SOLLUX: 0k.  
ERIDAN: do you wwant me to say that the hemospectrum is a fuckin joke or somethin  
ERIDAN: that my beliefs are as fuckin made up as magic  
JADE: better just say sorry to him.  
SOLLUX: *fine* i'm s0rry f0r whatever.  
ERIDAN: wwell that wwasnt so bad wwas it maybe you can havve a redemption arc of your owwn  
SOLLUX: n0.  
FEFERI: t)(ank you for that! Eridan )(as reely come a long way since )(e started t)(at redemption arc!  
SOLLUX: n0t really.  
JADE: sollux is such a grumpy guy isnt he!  
FEFERI: Very.

The two keep on making jabs at the rideable troll, until he has enough and walks away from Feferi.

SOLLUX: *thanks* f0r that.  
JADE: maybe if you smiled once in a while youd learn to be happy!  
SOLLUX: maybe if y0u ever st0pped embarrassing me i W0ULD be happy!  
JADE: i love you!  
SOLLUX: i l0ve y0u t00.

John really doesn't understand their dynamic, one moment they're at each other's throats and the next they're making up.

JOHN: hmm...

Saying that, he can't help but think of Terezi.

JADE: were done here.

They turn around and go back up the stairs. John can finally read what's on the invite.

JOHN: who are Latula and Mituna?  
JADE: Solluxs aunt/niece and dad/son.  
JOHN: troll relations are weird.  
SOLLUX: s0 are human relati0ns.  
JADE: thanks for helping out john!  
SOLLUX: *huff* can y0u get 0ff 0f me.

Jade gets off of her steed, but her hands are still firmly grasped around his horns.

JADE: he gets so tired after a while.

She puts him on her back, looking very uncomfortable balancing his tall body on her own, much shorter torso.

JADE: you should go and... see... karkat... after...

She changes tactics and drags Sollux's body up the stairs and the armpits. Normally she would fly, but the stairwell doesn't give much room for it.  
John witnesses the ridiculous sight and wonders what the hell is wrong with them?! No-one else seems to mind.

JOHN: you... need help with... things?  
JADE: no, after this hes urf, going right to urf, bed...

John looks at his phone, it's only 8:30PM. Maybe this is what Sollux meant by him not having any freedom? Jade does seem to micro manage every bit of his life.  
He goes to talk to Sollux again.

JOHN: (are you sure you don't need any help from jade?)  
SOLLUX: (what are y0u inferring?)  
JOHN: (i mean she is literally dragging you up stairs!)  
SOLLUX: (mind y0ur 0wn fucking business!)  
JOHN: (I'm just saying, I can help you.)  
SOLLUX: I d0n't NEED any help fr0m y0u!

Jade lets go.

JADE: what? :(  
SOLLUX: n0t y0u, y0ur n0sey relati0n!  
JADE: i do wish you two would get along. :(  
SOLLUX: he w0n't st0p prying!  
JADE: ok, ill talk to him about it.

The siblings move away from the stairs and have a talk.

JADE: john, what is this all about?  
JOHN: you're kind of... acting like jane?

Jade hands him a newspaper featuring her and Sollux's TRUE intent. The headline reads "Newest celebratty couple proclaim their love to each other, details on page 4".

JADE: happy now?

They continue up the stairs and John doesn't say a thing the rest of the way.  
When they reach the top, John parts and speak to Karkat, who's shocked, but outraged that Jade and Sollux let him in without his permission.

KARKAT: THEY DID WHAT?!

It can be heard ringing through the whole base.  
The couple head home, trying to escape Karkat's wrath.


	11. T0 Death May Y0u Never Part

The day of the wedding has arrived and it's at the start of Jade's least favourite week!

JADE: :/

She turns on the TV, her 3rd favourite pastime.

`FESIVA: what's up PARTY PEEPS! Today we're going to get the low down on the wedding SOME of us have been waiting for!`  
`FESIVA: now is it a coincidence it's during GOD ABSTAIN week?`  
`MUSEME: Ai sink noht!`  
`FESIVA: here come the BRIDE and the GROOM! Don't they look GORGEOUS?`

SOLLUX: g0d what?  
JADE: its when we give up our powers for a week and then we do a flashy show with them on the last day.  
JADE: karkat made it up for a bonding exercise.  
SOLLUX: he has p0wers?  
JADE: no, he yells a lot then i levitate him. i guess this year ill have to levitate you.  
SOLLUX: are y0u sure?

His empty sockets glow yellow and he floats himself up off the ground a few inches. When he lands, drops of blood sputter out of his mouth.

JADE: :o i thought you didnt have any powers!  
SOLLUX: i d0n't tell any0ne because i bleed and a l0t m0re than this usually. 0n0

Jade wipes the blood off of the once powerful gold blood.

JADE: i guess we better get dressed.

Her boy puts his clothes in the bathroom, so he can surprise her.

JADE: hey john, are you ready?  
`JOHN: yeah, be there soon.`

She quickly puts on her fancy dress before he arrives.

`MUSEME: Parsonally, mah favoureet week iz marshy taim.`  
`FESIVA: stop TALKING, dear, the wedding goddesses have arrived!

John walks him, not knocking and assumes everyone's dressed by now.

JADE: kanaya and rose are already there, i hope were not late!

Sollux comes out of the water closet, wearing a high quality suit an indigo blood may have worn on Alternia.

JADE: you put on the eye patches and the wig! you looks so handsome!!! <3 <> <3<  
SOLLUX: ehehehehehe when d0nt i? 0_<

He slides his dentures in so he can grin at her properly.

JOHN: you need false teeth?  
JADE: yes john, dont be so insensitive!  
JOHN: isn't he just a bit old for you?  
JADE: no, were the same age. :/  
JOHN: do trolls lose their teeth really fast or something?

Jade pushes her brother out of the door and lets him find his own way to the wedding.

SOLLUX: are y0u g0ing t0 get 0n my back?  
JADE: no, that would probably be cheating my abstention.

They leave after doing one last check around the home.

JADE: i hate this!

He replies in a calm, soothing voice, like a good Moirail.

SOLLUX: i kn0w.  
JADE: don't leave me!  
SOLLUX: i pr0mise, i w0n't ever leave y0ur side.  
JADE: am i being too possessive?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't want y0u t0 leave me either.

Jade lifts her arm up and grabs his hand.

JADE: its left, then right, then left again.  
SOLLUX: i kn0w where i'm g0ing!  
JADE: and you *dont* bleed when you levitate.  
SOLLUX: i t0ld y0u that in c0nfidence!  
JADE: you are so cute when youre lost! <3 <> <3<  
MEENAH: water you doin here still  
KARKAT: MEENAH! NO FISH PUNS!!  
JADE: what do you mean?  
MEENAH: coz youre super fuckin late and are holding the whole thing up  
JADE: arent you late too?  
MEENAH: nah we came here lookin for you two scallopwags  
KARKAT: MEENAH!!  
MEENAH: alright "boss" dont blow a fuse  
MEENAH: guessin its mop top there slowing you down

She proceeds to throw him down several flights of stairs.

JADE: !!!  
KARKAT: !!!  
MEENAH: what he will get down there faster

Sollux levitates himself upward before hitting the final floor.

JADE: NOOOOO!!! :'(  
KARKAT: YOU'RE DEMOTED, MEENAH!  
SOLLUX: FUCKING 0UCH!

Jade runs down as fast as she can.

JADE: you ok? :(

Sollux's face and outfit are completely soaked in bright yellow blood.

JADE: oh, let me get that!

She wipes away the blood from his face and beard.

MEENAH: hurry up  
JADE: your suit is ruined! :(  
SOLLUX: (maybe i sh0uld g0 shirtless.)  
JADE: sollux~  
MEENAH: disgustin  
MEENAH: flirt later

Jade lifts her light partner up and carries him the rest of the way.

JADE: happy birthday karkat!  
KARKAT: DON'T ANNOUNCE IT TO EVERYONE!  
SOLLUX: because y0u were never "b0rn".  
JADE: no, he likes to keep his birthday secret.  
MEENAH: FINally

When they reach the wedding, it's held in the conference room, a huge area that seems to go on for miles and the only voice that can be heard from that far is Karkat's. Seats occupy most of the space now.  
The four sit with Rose and Kanaya. Jade can't help but notice all the bright 80s triangles, squares and squiggles that decorate everything.

PASTOR: Dhearly behlovayed, ah briyng togethah two spiritual beeings theyt wiyahnt to tie the proverahbeall knoht.  
PASTOR: They hayve chosenn to reecaite customme vahows.

Latula brings out a pieces of paper. She's blushing profusely and drops of her sweat go through the floor.  
Mituna remains almost expressionless, outside of a goofy grin.

LATULA: wh3n 1 f1rst m3t m1tun4, h3 w4s th3 world sp33drunn1ng ch4mp1on 4t bohn3y korrks ch4mp1on sk4t3bo4rd1ng 4thl3t3. h3 w4s 3v3ryth1ng 1 w4nte3d to b3.  
LATULA: m3ul1n s3t us up 1mm3d14t3ly. 4nd s1nc3 th3n w3'v3 4lw4ys b33n tog3th3r.  
HEKLAR: tELL US ABOUT THE BRAIN DAMAGe!

Millions of eyes glare at the interrupting troll and some throw daggers at him.

LATULA: m1ntun4 s4w sgrub 4s 4noth3r opportun1ty to hon3 h1s g4m1ng sk1lls, but 1t c4m3 4t 4 cost.

She pauses to clear her throat.

LATULA: h3 s4v3d us 4ll, but lost 3v3ryth1ng 1n th3 proc3ss, 3xc3pt for m3.  
LATULA: m1tun4, you'r3 st1ll th3 cool3st guy 1 know 4nd 1 w4nt to sk4t3 4nd pl4y v1d3og4m3s w1th you 4s your w1f3, from now on.

Awws can be heard from the crowd, with a few groans in there too.

PASTOR: Nahw, waht doez the groom sayh?

Mituna hands Latula a crudely drawn picture of him and her holding hands, with hearts all around them.

LATULA: 1 lov3 1t!  
PASTOR: do youh, lahtulah tayke mitunah has your lawfull wehdead husbahnd?  
LATULA: 1 do!  
PASTOR: nahw, do youh, mitunah tayke lahtulah has your lawfull wehdead waihf?  
MITUNA: Y32 Y3W Y35 Y32 Y35 Y32 Y35 Y32 Y35 Y32 Y87 Y34 Y3P Y35 Y32 Y35 Y32 Y35 Y32 Y45Y 3Y2 YE5 Y32 Y35 Y32 Y358 Y32!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
PASTOR: aiyh nahw pronhaounce youh husbahnd ayahnd waihf! Youh may swayp accessorees!

Mituna gives his helmet to his now wife and she does the same with her glasses.

LATULA: l3t's show th3s3 guys som3 R4D H34DFL1PS!

she skates down the aisle and shows off some sick moves. She passes the board to her hubby, who trips up and lands in his betrothed's arms.  
The crowd cheers at their rad antics.

PICTOR: Now we must take pictures of the GODS on this very special occasion.  
JADE: now sollux, ill be gone for a few minutes.  
SOLLUX: i kn0w where y0u're g0ing.

She gives him a peck on the cheek and goes off with the other gods.

(VRISKA): So, you and Jade, huh?  
(VRISKA): What happened to you h8ing humans?  
SOLLUX: i still d0.  
(VRISKA): Please, everyone already knows.

She looks at Jade, who gazes at Sollux after every photo.

(VRISKA): You got so dressed up for each other.  
(VRISKA): Is she wearing a diamond necklace?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.  
(VRISKA): I think it's sweet.  
SOLLUX: st0p trying t0 get inv0lved!  
(VRISKA): Wh8? I'm just being a very supportive friend.

She grins, sinisterly.

Jade looks at how uncomfortable Sollux seems to be.

JADE: how about i go back now.  
YELLER: MIGHTY LUPUS DOGDESS, MAY WE HAVE SOME PICTURES OF YOU AND YOUR MATE?  
JADE: yeah, ok.

She quickly brings her "mate" over.

JADE: (what was that about?)

They both clench their teeth, to make it look like they're grinning.

SOLLUX: (vriska's being fucking weird again.)

Meanwhile, with the bride and groom.

ROSE: It is rather unorthodox, but would you consider adopting a grub? We know you are unable have any of your own.  
LATULA: n4h, b3s1ds, w3 4lr3dy h4v3 on3, 4nd h3's 4ll grown up.

They look at Jade adjusting Sollux's tie for more photos.

KANAYA: Yes We Suspect Their Nuptials Will Be Next

PASTOR: Iyat's taihm to dayance!

Cheesy 80s and 90s sounding video game music starts playing.

ERIDAN: wwanna dance fef  
FEFERI: O)( Y-ES!  
CRONUS: how about wve dance?  
TAVROS: uHHH,,, NO THANKS?  
CRONUS: come on, i knovw you wvant to.  
TAVROS: nO I DON'T! }:(  
CRONUS: then wvhat a8out you, cat?  
NEPETA: :3  
KANKRI: I am against such sexist acts 9f dancing rituals, the fact that 9nly men are asking w9men 9ut is 6eyond demeaning.  
KANKRI: I d9 wish y9u w9uld all be m9re careful next time in an event such as this and make sure it d9esn't ever happen again.  
PORRIM: Is that yo+ur way o+f asking me to+ dance?  
KANKRI: I w9uld d9 n9 such think as, it g9es against my high m9rals and infers I w9uld wish t9 invade y9ur privacy 6y asking y9u in the first place.  
PORRIM: I'm no+ stranger to+ a bit o+f strange myself.  
PORRIM: No+w co+me here and dance!

In another area, an Interviewer is asking Gods and people close to them several questions.

TERVEW: ?Now what is it like having two Goddesses as your motherS?  
VRISKA: Pretty cool I guess, 8ecause I get to 8oss everyone around.  
TERVEW: ?And why is thaT?  
VRISKA: 8ecause my moms are in charge of reproduction!  
TERVIEW: !NexT!  
TERVEW: ?You sir, how did you come to meet Goddess JadE?  
SOLLUX: she tripped me 0ver.  
TERVEW: !And you fell head over heels in love, I love iT!  
SOLLUX: n0, that isn't-  
TERVEW: !Isn't anymore to it is there, what a beautiful romantic talE!  
TERVEW: !NexT!  
MITUNA: G8 0U7 0FX MY W4YY GRU82HUNK5!  
TERVEW: ?!Do you speak to your wife with that moutH!?  
MITUNA: N0 GU0 4W47Y!  
LATULA: com3 on m1tun4, l3t's d4nc3!  
MITUNA: <3

Several (incredibly) alternate Timelines ghosts chat in their own corner.

DAVE: yo, like we should totally you know, smoke a bluff. Honk.  
KANKRI B: T9ats.  
GAMZEE: I dOnT tHiNk ThAtS vErY rEsPoNsIbLe Of YoU.  
EQUIUS: D --> Lay off him dude, guy just wants to chill, e%cuease you, mr. stringent b100d!  
DAVE: come ON babe, stick up for your man once in a while!  
HORUSS: 8=D < Yes princess.  
RUFIOH: bangarang... let's get started!  
DAVE: so, like, who has the lighter? Honk.  
ARIADIABOT 44313: here it is.  
KANKRI B: C99l.

Back to reality...

SOLLUX: h0w d0 y0u even dance t0 this music?  
JADE: ill show you.  
SOLLUX: it's *s0* easy t0 dance t0 s0mething with n0 beat t0 it.  
JADE: you should at least try, mr. grouchy.  
SOLLUX: i w0n't, miss. d0gdess.  
JADE: i hate that nickname. :/  
SOLLUX: i kn0w.  
JADE: you are such a tease! :o

The music changes to something slower, much like a waltz.

JADE: how about this one?  
SOLLUX: i'm never d0ing this ever again.

Sollux dances for Jade and he garners a croud, widnessing his weird disco moves, that somehow go to the beat of the song.

JADE: you know the hustle? thats something my poppop probably would have danced!  
SOLLUX: i think ive humiliated myself en0ugh f0r t0day.  
ROSE: You're leaving already?  
JADE: yes, sollux gets so grumpy if he's out for too long.  
KANAYA: I Recall Such A Time When We Were On The Meteor Together  
SOLLUX: *please* keep 0n talking ab0ut me like i'm n0t even here!  
ROSE: We were actually wondering if you wouldn't mind adopting yourselves.  
JADE: no, i said before ive had enough of ecto stuff.  
SOLLUX: i d0 *n0t* want decendants!  
JADE: yes, hes made that point very clear. :/  
JADE: come on, lets go. <3 <> <3<  
JADE: (maybe you could show me more of your powers.)  
SOLLUX: (i w0uld pr0bably die again if i did that.)  
JADE: :(

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Grand Commander, in her typical tyrannical mood, flies her ship over to a town well known for supporting Trolls. Oh well, not like they're any use to her now.

GRAND COMMANDER: Fire all drones!

If anyone dare hesitate at her order, she immediately extrudes them from the confines of the vessel.

GRAND COMMANDER: Now we wait.

It is such hard work being a good ruler. Then again, no-one said it would ever be easy.


	12. Y0ung Recruits

Sollux and Jade are doing their usual thing of watching the TV, when they hear some knocking on the door.  
Jade answers the door to let the people on the other side in.

LATULA: h3y, you forgot g3t som3 c4k3 4t th3 w3dd1ng.

She puts her ear to it.

LATULA: 1t's l3mon 1 th1nk.  
JADE: thanks!  
LATULA: w3ll 1 b3tt3r g3t go1ng.  
JADE: why dont you stay for a while?  
LATULA: 1 n33d to g3t b4ck to m1tun4, 1 hop3 h3 do3sn't g3t lost 4g41n!  
JADE: ooh! you could move in next door!!  
JADE: i don't live there anymore and i think its about time sollux spent more time with you!  
SOLLUX: im n0t exactly a "family" pers0n.  
JADE: don't be rude! :o auntie latula came all the way here to give us some wedding cake!  
LATULA: ghosts don't h4v3 4p4rtm3nts...  
JADE: well keep it a secret from karkat!  
SOLLUX: an0ther secret?  
JADE: you need to get out of that gloomy dungeon! :(  
LATULA: 1f you 1ns1st...  
JADE: i do!

Latula leaves to bring Mituna up.

SOLLUX: y0u sh0uld st0p being s0 pushy!  
JADE: its called "being nice".  
SOLLUX: m0re like "being b0ssy"!  
JADE: you are such a curmudgeon!  
SOLLUX: i'm d0ne.  
JADE: too much blackrom recently?  
SOLLUX: i'm late f0r w0rk.

He sulks out of the apartment. Jade knows he dreads meeting the new recruits and is unusually grouchy just before his shift starts.

A recruit walks in and is enthusiastically greeted by Sollux.

CADINE: Sir, why, you, have, no, eyes?  
SOLLUX: accident.  
CADINE: You, funny, man!  
CADINE: Where, this, room?  
SOLLUX: it's a hall.

They walk around until Sollux has enough and resets back to he waiting position for another recruit.

LANEST: WOW NEAT, yuu have no eyes!  
LANEST: CAN YUU see me?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
LANEST: HAVE YUU lived here long?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
LANEST: DO YUU like living here?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
LANEST: ISN'T THIS place so neat?  
SOLLUX: n0.

Back again.

DESLAD: oi, thiS placE iS a right ShitolE, it iS!  
SOLLUX: 0k.  
DESLAD: ow Do you EvEn live ErE?  
SOLLUX: barely.

And again...

CONCEA: Theez plaze she makez me... want to throw ahp.

Again...

LETTLE: (the place we are is in a good way for me i must say it is so good to know you mr voidrot sir and i think you are so brave for taking me around without eyes and it is amazing what you are doing)  
SOLLUX: what.  
LETTLE: (oh a man like you probably is of hard hearing what i am saying is that you are brave for doing all this for me and my kind and i hope to be more like you one day without being eyeless because i do not want that but you do)  
SOLLUX: are y0u saying y0u think i *want* t0 be blind?!  
LETTLE: (of course because it is a choice for your kind to be like that according to this newsletter about how all trolls are inferior to humans and why but that is not the point what is the point is you went through with it and are brave)

Last one...

SERTIV: HEY! is it true that yor dayting a mity hiblud?!  
SERTIV: COZ! that is fucking amayzing and aww!  
SERTIV: I mean you pawed awt yer own eyes and got wiv a hiblud anyway.  
SOLLUX: What the *literal* fuck are y0u talking ab0ut?!  
SERTIV: THIS articool about ow goldbluds remoove their eyes to be more yuman.  
SERTIV: IT must suck to have them elektrick pawers and aww!

Back home...

JADE: you came back!  
SOLLUX: where else w0uld i g0?

He makes his way wearily to the sofa and takes his Tron Suit off.

SOLLUX: i fucking hate my j0b.  
JADE: more made up articles?  
SOLLUX: they get m0re and m0re abh0rrent every day!  
JADE: well a lot of the newbies are used to being brainwashed by jane. :(  
JADE: its also why rose and kanaya are trying so hard to get more adoptions here, because no one outside of the base will adopt!

Sollux puts his glasses on and fiddles with his phone.

JADE: who are you phoning? :o  
SOLLUX: n0 0ne, im making a c0de.  
JADE: can i see?

She sits in his lap and he puts the phone in front of her and continues coding.

JADE: what is it?  
SOLLUX: making the guide aut0mated s0 i never have t0 listen t0 their inc0herent blabber ever again.  
JADE: theres something i need to talk to you about.  
JADE: jane has started to destroy towns and villages that support trolls.  
SOLLUX: and?  
JADE: and if we lose this war, well all be captured and she kills all disabled trolls she finds! :(  
SOLLUX: are y0u saying i'm disabled?  
JADE: be serious! i cant lose you too...  
SOLLUX: what d0 y0u want me t0 d0 ab0ut it?  
SOLLUX: n0t like i can leave the base with0ut kk thr0wing a fit.  
JADE: didnt you say something about being good at hacking?  
SOLLUX: i can't hack any 0f batterwitches' ships with0ut kn0wing h0w her ships 0perate, if that is what y0u were g0ing f0r.  
JADE: i meant something else... i spoke to karkat about it!  
SOLLUX: he wants me t0 c0mpletely rebuild and rewire the security system here?  
JADE: not... exactly...  
SOLLUX: then what?

Jade winces and says what she needs to quickly.

JADE: he wants you to teach computer science to the new recruits!  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: come on, its a promotion!  
SOLLUX: i spend en0ugh time with them as is, i d0n't want t0 be tasked with l00king after them t00!  
JADE: please! <3 <> <3<

She looks at Sollux with bright, green puppy eyes.

SOLLUX: are y0u trying t0 stare at me again?  
JADE: do it for me!  
SOLLUX: y0u d0n't have t0 be l0cked in a r00m with them!  
JADE: just one day?

Sollux lets out a long sigh.

SOLLUX: 0nly f0r 0NE day and after that i'm d0ne.  
JADE: yay! you wont regret it! :)  
SOLLUX: what d0es any 0f this have t0 d0 with the destructi0n 0f 0ur species?  
JADE: its part of karkats plan apparently.  
SOLLUX: h0w nice 0f him t0 n0t fill either 0f us in 0n the details 0ther than my immediate suffering.  
JADE: dont be so melodramatic!  
SOLLUX: that's what i'm all ab0ut actually.  
SOLLUX: 0ne c0uld say i MAGE0r in it! (s0unded s0 stupid...)  
JADE: just remember youre not alone in this!  
SOLLUX: 0k yes, i guess it isn't as bad as being f0rced t0 kill my girlfriend that 0ne time.  
JADE: what?!  
SOLLUX: f0rget i said anything.  
JADE: i will not! :o  
SOLLUX: l0ng st0ry sh0rt: vriska made me kill aradia.  
JADE: she DID?!  
SOLLUX: yes and i still have nightmares ab0ut it t0 this day, s0 i d0n't want t0 talk ab0ut it anym0re!  
JADE: i thought you only had nightmares about gamzee!

Sollux stops what he's doing and stands up.

SOLLUX: y0u... kn0w ab0ut that?  
JADE: you keep on yelling "gamzee no!" in your sleep.  
SOLLUX: i'm... g0ing t0 the recuperac00n.

Just this once Jade doesn't follow him to bed, as she can see she really struck a nerve.

JADE: i love you!

Sollux drearily turns his head around.

SOLLUX: i l0ve y0u t00.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kanaya and Rose are walking together, when they meet someone the former really didn't want to run into.

ERIDAN: kan im sorry for-  
KANAYA: Im Sure You Are  
ROSE: Perhaps it's best to listen to what he has to say.  
ERIDAN: for killin you and destroyin the matriorb  
KANAYA: Thats Nice  
ERIDAN: wwell arent you goin to apologize for killin me too  
KANAYA: I See No Need In Doing Such A Thing  
ERIDAN: but im tryin to say sorry an you should join this redemption party wwith me  
ROSE: It seems my better half doesn't wish to play along.  
ERIDAN: wwe filled a quadrant wwith each other and vvri  
ROSE: You two were in a prior romance?  
KANAYA: It Is Something I Look Back On Most Regrettably  
ROSE: Well then, perhaps you should apologize to your ex-partner after all.

She raises her eyebrow in a sarcastically flirty way.

KANAYA: I Wish To Discuss This No Further  
ERIDAN: wwhy not  
ERIDAN: you still got the matriorb back and revvivved our kin

Kanaya glares at Eridan in a bitter and resentful way.

ROSE: Perchance your misgivings with Eridan are somewhat misplaced for another?  
KANAYA: Will You Cease Your Pontification And Just-

She catches her tongue before she can finish her sentence.

KANAYA: I Am Sorry  
ROSE: I know, it's a hypersensitive subject for the both of us.

The couple hug, hoping it's still not too late.

ERIDAN: wwell  
ROSE: Well?  
KANAYA: I Atone For Murdering You  
ERIDAN: great noww you can start your owwn redemption arc  
KANAYA: Dont Push It Little Man  
ROSE: I've never heard you speak in such a brash manner before!  
KANAYA: I Reserve Such Speak For Only The Most Opportune Of Times

the brace walk off back to the caverns and Eridan ticks off another person from his lengthy list.

 


	13. S0llux G0es t0 Sch00l

JADE: sollux, are you looking forward to your big day?  
SOLLUX: n0.

Jade brushes his beard and uses a delinter on his suit.

SOLLUX: y0u sure y0u can't g0 instead 0f me?  
JADE: i don't know anything about computer science!

They leave and Sollux grumbles and moans all the way there.

JADE: be good at school!

The couple hug, then Jade waves and floats away.  
Sollux sighs and walks in.

DESLAD: iS that yer miSSES?  
DESLAD: you bE right lucky pulling a Skirt likE that!  
SOLLUX: it's mr. capt0r t0 y0u!  
DESLAD: ShE bE called captor?  
SERTIV: NO idiot! the teacher is cawwed captor!  
SERTIV: AWSO you should be more respcktfaw of a mity hiblud like er.  
DESLAD: oh Silly mE! i DiDn't rEaliSE a lowly voiDrot could gEt with goDS!  
KARKAT: AHEM!

The classroom goes silent.

KARKAT: STOP YOUR BICKERING IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS A CLASSROOM!  
SERTIV: YEAH i get that but this guy seems like a funking tosser!

Karkat goes up to the student in question.

KARKAT: ARE YOU *SUGGESTING* I MADE A MISTAKE HIRING MR. CAPTOR HERE?  
SERTIV: NO but like... hes blind an aww so ow is he ment to teach us anyfing?  
KARKAT: BY DOING HIS JOB!  
KARKAT: ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF YOU AND CAPTOR HAS FULL PERMISSION TO BLOW UP YOUR COMPUTER!  
SERTIV: THATS not even possibaww!

Sollux initiates the AltaEarth Single Reach Virus and a timer appears on each of the student's computers.

KARKAT: YOU HAVE UNTIL THE END OF THE LESSON TO LEARN EVERYTHING MR. CAPTOR TEACHES YOU OR EVERY COMPUTER IN HERE GOES UP IN FLAMES, ALONG WITH YOUR LUSII!  
SERTIV: IS THAT A FRET?!  
SOLLUX: depends 0n if y0u like t0 be 0rphaned 0r n0t.  
NURDBO: Uhh, yes, well according to my uhh, findings, this is how Commander Vantas became orphaned himself.  
DESLAD: yEh mEan it'S fuh rEal?!  
NURDBO: Uhh, it would seem to be so.

Every young Troll in the room stare eagerly as Sollux, waiting for his lesson to commence.

SOLLUX: (d0n't kn0w h0w i w0uld have pulled this shit 0ff with0ut y0u!)  
KARKAT: (JUST MAKE SURE NONE OF THE EQUIPMENT IS DAMAGED OR YOU'RE WORKING IN THE CAVERNS!)  
SOLLUX: (yes "b0ss".)

 

Meanwhile, Jade is having brunch with John, Latula and Mituna.

JADE: so hows moving in going?  
LATULA: w3 only h4v3 4 sk4t3bo4rd, b3c4us3 th3r3 w4sn't much t1me to gr4b 4nyth1ng 3ls3 wh3n th3 bubbl3s coll4ps3d.

She takes a bite from a sandwich and it falls right through her, but no-one seems to mind.

JADE: and you john?

John looks around, seeing that Jade has to deal with ghosts for so long, it's become a normal occurrence to her.

JADE: john?  
JOHN: oh, yeah it's fine.

He wonders if it was like that on the meteor too. Whenever he spoke to ghosts before, they were being annoying and sneaky.

MITUNA: GRU82H4NK5!  
LATULA: h3 m34ns "grub sn4ks".  
JADE: oh, i dont have any of those.

Latula gets up and Mituna follows close behind, as they get the mysterious snacks Mituna requests.

JADE: want more pastries?

John doesn't answer.

JADE: john youre being really quiet! :(  
JOHN: this place is weird.  
JADE: what do you mean? :/  
JOHN: ghosts are everywhere and everyone acts like it's normal!  
JADE: is this about the bad time you had with ghost vriska on that pirate ship again?  
JOHN: how do you know about that?  
JADE: sollux told me.  
JADE: you two are quite alike in a few ways.

John is shocked to hear her say that!

JADE: you both hate vriska, you got tricked by ghosts and neither of you like doing much.  
JOHN: i like doing stuff.  
JADE: like what?  
JOHN: like watching the salamanders leave for work.  
JADE: yes john, what an exciting life you live.

John looks down, disappointed that she would say that.

JADE: sorry. :( hes been rubbing off on me too.  
JOHN: it seems strange you'd want to be with him.  
JADE: whys that? :o  
JOHN: dave didn't leave that long ago and you've already moved on.  
JADE: i havent "moved on", i just found someone in the same position as me and who knows what its like to be abandoned.  
JOHN: but he's your bf.  
JADE: a part of me will always love dave and karkat and...  
JOHN: but so soon?  
JADE: you dont know what its like to be raised by a corpse most of my childhood!  
JOHN: that was a long time ago.  
JADE: then when i spent those three years on the ship, the only one i could physically talk to outside of dreams, was nannasprite!  
JADE: and after all that, she decided to mentor jane instead of me! :(

John DOES know what it's like to be alone, but he can't make up for how hard a time Jade must have had. After all, John feels like he had himself to blame for locking himself away after and befor, his marriage went up in smoke.

JADE: if i didnt... if i didnt intervene with dave and karkat, i would have been all alone again! :'(  
JADE: i know what i did was wrong and i really feel like... sollux actually loves me.

Tears tremble down the dogwoman's cheeks.

Latula doesn't feel comfortable leaving her like this, so she distracts the siblings with the strange Beforian treat.

LATULA: h3y, so th3s3 4r3 grub sn5ks!

She offers Jade one.

JADE: *sniff* they look like small, candy wigglers.  
JADE: i guess jake still has it worse than me.

She picks up her phone to ring him.

JAKE: Say its been a mighty long time since i flapped ones tongue!  
JADE: i was wondering... have you ever though of joining the war?  
JAKE: Not since i left jane in that tight spot.  
JADE: i mean our side!  
JAKE: Fraid not, what with all the dance shows and all that!  
JADE: oh...  
JAKE: Is something vexing you?  
JADE: (i... i miss...)  
JAKE: Whats that?  
JAKE: Oh little tavros wishes to speak with you.  
JADE: ! really?!  
TAVROS: Uhh,,, hi auntie jade.  
JADE: tavros! hi!  
TAVROS: Have you won the war yet?  
JADE: no, sorry.

John thinks about talking to Tavros, but after what happened last time... he decides not to say a thing.

JAKE: Gosh, being a single parent can be exhausting!  
JADE: jane didnt really even raise him.  
JAKE: Well she did do a small part every now and then.  
JADE: please come here!  
JAKE: Sorry, didnt quite catch that!

Just her luck... signal's fading.

JADE: PLEASE LIVE HERE WITH US!  
JADE: we can make sure tavros is safe and-  
JAKE: Come now, its not so bad out here.  
JADE: grandpa... :(

The signal cuts off completely; she hopes it wasn't a bomb.

JADE: RAAARRGFUUUCK!

 

Back with Sollux, the lesson is just about over and most of the students did well, except for one, whose computer's timer reached 0 and... it turns off.

SOLLUX: class dismissed.

The class go back to their domiciles, but Sollux is stopped before he can go back to his.

KARKAT: ADEQUATE.  
SOLLUX: d0n't y0u have t0 g0 back t0 d0ing army shit?  
KARKAT: I CAN SPEND MY FREE TIME DOING WHATEVER I WANT!  
SOLLUX: are y0u saying y0u want t0 hang 0ut like 0ld times 0r s0mething?  
KARKAT: I AM CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF EXAMINING MY EMPLOYEES TO SEE IF THEY'RE UP TO MERIT.  
SOLLUX: that's the biggest "yes" y0u've ever given me.  
KARKAT: MR. CAPTOR.  
SOLLUX: yes "mr. vantas".  
KARKAT: DON'T STEP OUT OF LINE AGAIN!  
SOLLUX: like 0ld times.

He squats down and paps Karkat's face to calm him down, but it only reinforces his anger.

KARKAT: I ALREADY HAVE A MOIRAIL!  
SOLLUX: chill, i wasn't hitting 0n y0u!

Giggles can be heard all around them to Karkat's frustration.

BEMUSE: He gawt with two of em?!  
EHMENT: OUTrageous!

KARKAT: I KNOW YOU AND MRS. HARLEY ARE USED TO THIS KIND OF... PUBLIC DISPLAY, BUT COUNT ME OUT OF IT!  
SOLLUX: st0p using 0ur last names!  
KARKAT: YOU'RE FIRED!  
SOLLUX: n0 i'm n0t.

Karkat's face goes bright red again.

SOLLUX: if y0u calm the fuck d0wn, y0u can eat dinner with us.  
KARKAT: *FINE*!  
SOLLUX: n0 last names either.  
KARKAT: YES, WHATEVER!  
SOLLUX: s0 h0w did the sessi0n end?  
KARKAT: SHOULDN'T JADE HAVE TOLD YOU THAT BY NOW?  
SOLLUX: she didn't.  
KARKAT: ME AND JAKE BEAT UP SOME FELT GUYS, ROXY KILLED THE CONDESCE AND JADE AND PM DEFEATED BEC NOIR.  
SOLLUX: that's really h0w it ended?  
KARKAT: IT WAS VRISKA'S PLAN.  
SOLLUX: g00d thing i wasn't there 0r she c0uld have used me as bait t0 lure c0ndesce.  
KARKAT: YOU MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF SHIT.  
SOLLUX: i'm here n0w.

Karkat gazes at Sollux and notices this is probably the happiest the blind troll has ever been in his entire life, or at least as long as he's known him.

SOLLUX: and i'm g0ing t0 stick ar0und f0r a l0ng time.  
KARKAT: YOU'RE NO LONGER BANNED FROM LEAVING THE PREMISES.  
SOLLUX: are y0u fucking kidding me...  
SOLLUX: what happened t0 "i'll get culled"?  
KARKAT: MAKE NO MISTAKE, I WILL HAVE SOMEONE ESCORT YOU EVERY TIME YOU *DO* LEAVE.  
SOLLUX: s0 i'm 0ut 0n par0ll then.

An ear-splitting noise is heard around the corner.

SOLLUX: kk?  
KARKAT: NOT ME!

They rush to see what the problem is.

JADE: AAAAAAAAAG! IDIOOOOOT!!! >:(  
MITUNA: N00000000000000000000000!!!  
LATULA: 4h, c4lm down!  
KARKAT: WHAT THE *FUCK* IS GOING ON HERE?!  
JADE: STUPID!! STUPID!  
SOLLUX: jade?  
JADE: :( sollux...

Sollux walks over to Jade and picks her up.

JADE: it's jake. :(  
SOLLUX: what ab0ut him?  
JADE: he won't answer the phone anymore!  
JADE: i think something terrible might have happened to him!!  
LATULA: john w3nt to phon3 h1m outs1d3, but h4sn't com3 b4ck y3t!  
KARKAT: HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT?  
LATULA: 4bout 20 m1ns.  
KARKAT: LATULA AND MITUNA, YOU SHOULD GO OUTSIDE TO CHECK ON JOHN.  
LATULA: w3 don't h4v3 phon3s.

Karkat tosses a phone to them and then quickly drift off.

JADE: oh sollux, please dont let go of me!

Sollux sits down, still holding Jade.

SOLLUX: shhh, it's g0ing t0 be 0k.

Jade nestles herself in her loving boyfriend's beard. He doesn't even notice she shrank herself down.

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU SEE?  
LATULA: you won't b3l13v3 1t...


	14. C0mpany L0ves Misery

Karkat and Sollux rush up the stairs to see just what's going on outside.  
When they finally reach their destination, a smoldering creator with a pair of distinctive shades inside of it awaits them  
  
SOLLUX: what is it?  
  
Karkat skids down the impact sight to examine the glasses.  
  
KARKAT: DAVE...?  
  
The sunglasses light up and red text appears on the black lenses.  
  
DAVEBOT: yo, how longs it been?  
JADE: why are you back?!  
DAVEBOT: tell her i up and outlived my serviceability  
  
Karkat hands him over to her.  
  
JADE: you said you would leave forever! >:(  
DAVEBOT: did i now?  
JADE: asshole!  
DAVEBOT: i see you already flew the coop with aradias boy there  
DAVEBOT: then again, i could never contend with your need for his corporeal essence  
JADE: stop talking like that! :(  
DAVEBOT: i pontificated we wouldnt have anymore use of our former engagement when this me meets you  
JADE: stop that psychic, future crap!  
JADE: i have no idea what youre talking about!  
DAVEBOT: typical of an individual who hasnt yet shed their mortal coil and become their primary form  
JADE: now were back to ultimate self stuff again?!  
DAVEBOT: dont knock it until youve tried the mighty embrace of complete semblance of every major and minor action at your disposal!  
JADE: i hate this lame "ultimate" you!  
  
She's about to snap Dave in half, but Sollux stops her.  
  
SOLLUX: wait, what happened t0 aradia?  
DAVEBOT: my visual sensors were unavailable at the time of our parting.  
  
Jade gives the glasses to Sollux.  
  
SOLLUX: why did y0u give me these?  
JADE: encrypt dave so i never have to think about him again!  
SOLLUX: he's glasses?  
DAVEBOT: aradias boy doesnt appear to be too sharp but you always did go for men who are up the creek with no paddle to speak of  
  
Karkat and John object to this decision because they still have a few things to say to him.  
  
JADE: sollux lets go and find jake.  
  
They go out into the dusty remains of the Troll Kingdom; Sollux still keeping his promise of holding onto Jade.  
  
SOLLUX: where d0es he live?  
JADE: good point...  
KARKAT: GET BACK HERE!  
  
Sollux trudges back to the base.  
  
KARKAT: I'LL GET THE SEARCH SQUADRON.  
JADE: you know, i always thought having a blind boyfriend would be different to this.  
SOLLUX: are y0u saying i'm n0t exciting en0ugh?  
JADE: well i thought id have to do more for you and you know your way around really well!  
JADE: you are clumsy sometimes but i think that runs in your family.  
SOLLUX: 0h it's definitely hard c0ded in 0ur dna.  
JADE: you dont really... act blind.  
SOLLUX: yes i d0.  
JADE: i dont know, youre mysterious! :o  
SOLLUX: there's s0mething i need t0 tell y0u that w0uld pr0bably explain that.  
JADE: so you CAN feel colors by touching them?!  
SOLLUX: that's definitely s0mething i c0uld never d0.  
JADE: hmm...  
SOLLUX: jade, i'm a blind pr0phet.  
JADE: a- what. :/  
SOLLUX: y0u d0n't s0und impressed.  
JADE: how does that even work?  
SOLLUX: i hear v0ices, but n0t the kind i heard when i was y0unger that were c0nstantly screaming in my hearing nubs and instead, just a c0nstant dr0ne 0f uninteresting dial0gue.  
JADE: roses powers dont work here, so how do yours?  
SOLLUX: because this place is pretty damn d00med.  
SOLLUX: we exist and d0n't exist at the same time, in the infinite span 0f entr0py between things happening.  
JADE: entropy sounds a lot like space.  
SOLLUX: it is, but bef0re and after anything 0f n0te happens.  
JADE: then could you check to see if jake is alright?!  
SOLLUX: that's bey0nd my sc0pe.  
JADE: whys that?  
SOLLUX: because i can 0nly get prem0niti0ns within a 2 mile radius.  
JADE: and you know that definitely?  
SOLLUX: i heard myself say that earlier.  
JADE: that makes it automatically true? :/  
SOLLUX: it's the kind 0f shit pr0phets 0f the blind variety have t0 deal with.

He perks up and gets a premonition.

JADE: what is it? :o  
SOLLUX: y0u're saying s0mething t0 jake.  
JADE: isnt he supposed to be out of your range?  
SOLLUX: he is, but y0u aren't.  
SOLLUX: y0u're saying "0h jake, y0u didn't have t0".  
JADE: too bad we don't know if it's future or past. :(  
SOLLUX: 0h it's definitely fr0m the future.  
JADE: really?! :o  
SOLLUX: y0u're just g0ing t0 have t0 believe me 0n this 0ne.  
SOLLUX: pr0phens are never wr0ng when it c0mes t0 their future ear, that's why.

Jade raises an eyebrow at the concept.

JADE: "future ear"?  
SOLLUX: it's an0ther blind pr0phet thing.  
JADE: of course it is...  
JADE: so can you read palms too?  
SOLLUX: n0, but i can tell y0u when the next batch 0f snausages c0mes in.  
JADE: haha, very funny.  
JADE: but seriously, how about you tell my fortune!  
SOLLUX: y0u are g0ing t0 spend the next f0rehearable future with a certain 0bn0xi0us g0ld bl00d.  
JADE: i could have told you that!  
SOLLUX: if y0u knew all al0ng, then why did y0u ask me?  
JADE: same reason why you know the answer to the question you just asked!  
SOLLUX: wasn't that l0ng ag0 y0u said y0u wanted t0 st0p hearing "psychic, future crap".  
JADE: thats because dave... wont stop badgering me with it.  
JADE: he talks like an emotionless villain now!  
SOLLUX: he has em0ti0ns, just d0esn't...

Jade buries herself even further into Sollux's facial hair.

JADE: i know... he doesnt care about me. :(  
JADE: i spent the best years of my life with him and... he ends it like this!  
SOLLUX: hey, at least y0u're n0t stuck in the b0dy 0f a middle aged tr0ll.  
JADE: why did he come back here anyway?! to torment me even further?! >:(  
SOLLUX: it's hard t0 get a read 0n him, all 0f his th0ughts are n0n-st0p metaph0rs and similes.  
JADE: yeah, thats dave...  
JADE: *sniff* at least i still have... you.

Sollux turns around in the general direction of Karkat.

SOLLUX: y0u c0ming 0r what?  
JOHN: me?  
SOLLUX: y0u, kk.  
JOHN: oh, alright I guess?  
JADE: he means karkat, but no reason why you cant come too!  
KARKAT: NOT IF HARLEY IS COOKING HER NORMAL SLOP.  
SOLLUX: n0, y0u're g0ing t0 have t0 suffer thr0ugh my "c00king" instead.  
JADE: were going to eat together again?! :o  
KARKAT: DON'T START ALL THAT SHIT OVER!  
JADE: im just surprised sollux talked you into it!  
SOLLUX: 0nly because he used t0 think 0f me as his best friend.  
JADE: wasnt that dave?  
SOLLUX: 0h, s0 a few sweeps away and i g0t replaced?  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD OR ERASED FROM EXISTENCE!  
SOLLUX: and still n0 p0tential c0rpse party f0r me.  
DAVEBOT: this reunion is all kind of winsome like an athelete that won a gold medal and tripped up on his future prospects and all  
JADE: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! >:(  
DAVEBOT: just how if i had the capacity to find any of this congenial it would be in the top three of most feels moments  
SOLLUX: yes, it's *s0* funny h0w i was f0rg0tten ab0ut.  
DAVEBOT: so aradias boy does have a sense of humor after all and here i thought you only went for those who up and lacked all autonomy to speak of  
JADE: sollux!

He captchalogues the shades in an encrypted prison.  
  
JADE: good riddance! >:(

The group fall silent, not knowing where the conversation can go from there.

LATULA: yo, wh3r3 4r3 you go1ng?  
JADE: i know we already ate brunch earlier, but do you want to have some dinner too?

Just the distraction she needed.

LATULA: h3ck y34h!

Mituna finishes off the grub snaks, creating a sticky mess behind him.

LATULA: h4v1ng a hum4n f4m1ly 1s pr3tty cool!  
JADE: oh i know!  
SOLLUX: i miss just having a lusus.  
JADE: oh, hey grumpy sollux.  
SOLLUX: y0u'd be grumpy t00 if y0u heard v0ices g0 thr0ugh y0ur thinkpan all day and night!  
MITUNA: WH34R 15 7H3 P4YP3R?  
LATULA: 1t's b4ck hom3.

Mituna reaches over to Latula, but trips over before he can grab her hand.

MITUNA: 0W!!!

His wife picks him up, dusts him off then gives him a big hug before holding his hand and continuing to walk.

JADE: sollux, are you ok?  
SOLLUX: my arms hurt like y0u w0uldn't kn0w.  
JADE: want me to ride in your beard the rest of the way?  
SOLLUX: if y0u must.

Jade shrinks down all the way until she's a speck among Sollux's long whiskers.

SOLLUX: where did y0u g0?

She brings out her phone to text Sollux.

`JADE: i used my shrinking powers to get into your bristles.`  
SOLLUX: y0u can shrink?!  
`JADE: its the kind of shit witches of space have to deal with.`  
`JADE: arent you supposed to be a prophet anyway?`  
SOLLUX: i'm n0t a pr0phet, i'm a blind pr0phet.  
`JADE: whats the difference?`  
SOLLUX: i can see the c0mbined t0tal 0f damn and squat.  
`JADE: and thats it?`  
SOLLUX: thats what being a blind pr0phet is. i'm blind and i kn0w stuff.  
`JADE: sounds pretty similar to me.`  
SOLLUX: it w0uld.  
`JADE: ok asshole, maybe i wont chew your food up anymore. >:)`  
SOLLUX: thank y0u f0r talking ab0ut it 0ut l0ud in public... again!  
`JADE: dont blame me for you having text to speech on!`  
SOLLUX: and WH0 keeps 0n latching themselves t0 my facial hair?!  
`JADE: grumpy sollux, maybe you should speak to happy sollux once in a while!`  
SOLLUX: if y0u like him s0 much, then why d0n't y0u just hitch a ride 0n HIS beard?!  
J`ADE: i would but unfortunately you share a body! >:B`

Sollux mutes his phone.

SOLLUX: jade.  
`JADE: WHAT?!`  
SOLLUX: thanks.  
`JADE: for what? >:/`  
SOLLUX: f0r being my gf.  
`JADE: "thank y0u t00". 0u0`  
`JADE: sorry it went so far this time. :(`  
SOLLUX: <3<  
`JADE: :o exclusively?`  
SOLLUX: 0u<  
`JADE: <3<`

The tension around the couple is thick, however, the expression on Sollux's face through the whole fight stays as a smirk.

KARKAT: *AHEM* EGBERT NOW THAT YOU'VE OFFICIALLY JOINED THE ARMY, I WANT YOU TO TEACH THE NEW RECRUITS SOME BASIC COMBAT TRAINING.  
JOHN: with a hammer?  
KARKAT: WITH DUMMIES, RIFFLES AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN FIND.  
JOHN: ok then... general?  
KARKAT: I'M *COMMANDER* VANTAS.  
JOHN: sure...  
KARKAT: AND NO MORE OF THIS WISHY-WASHY ATTITUDE, YOU NEED TO BE MORE DECISIVE!  
SOLLUX: kk, n0 m0re last names!  
KARKAT: EXCUSE ME?!  
SOLLUX: d0n't be such a shit head.  
SOLLUX: i kn0w y0u just *l0ve* t0 be in charge 0f things but can y0u cut back 0n the army crap?

They finally make it back to Sollux and Jade's home, but the argument continues inside.

KARKAT: MR. CAPTOR, YOU HAVE DISOBEYED MY ORDERS ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS, I COULD VERY EASILY STRIP YOU OF YOUR TITLE AND MAKE YOU GO ON THE FRONT LINES!  
SOLLUX: n0t this again. "vantas" y0u need t0 st0p threatening me 0r i *will* leave.

Jade increases her size back to normal.  
  
JADE: oh no! :(

Karkat looks like he's about to explode.

JADE: karkat, maybe you should...  
JOHN: maybe we should talk about the wedding.  
JOHN: why did you come to it and not speak to dave?  
JADE: what?! :o  
KARKAT: I TOLD YOU BEFORE, I'M A BUSY TROLL, I-  
SOLLUX: y0u d0n't seem all that busy n0w.  
JADE: you were there all along?  
JOHN: only for a few minutes.  
KARKAT: I'M NOT ABOUT TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS STUFF WITH YOU AGAIN JOHN.  
JOHN: you told me to get over roxy, so maybe now It's your time to do the same.  
KARKAT: I *AM* OVER HIM!  
JOHN: are you sure?  
JOHN: you're almost like a different person compared to back then.  
JADE: karkat, you still could have come normally...

Sollux paps Karkat's cheek a few times, trying to calm his leader down, to no avail.

JADE: you can speak to him now if you want to.

Sollux sighs and decrypts the shades.

DAVEBOT: yo  
KARKAT: DAVE... I  
DAVEBOT: nah you dont have to say a thing my ultimate shades know it all anyway  
DAVEBOT: you were at my wedding and spoke to john then left when i up and shone through the darkness  
JADE: :/  
KARKAT: DAVE I COMMAND YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!  
DAVEBOT: take a breather karkat i already did this and i dont want the second time to be as unbearable as the first  
JADE: why do you keep on talking like this?!  
DAVEBOT: because im the audience to my own dialogue and im up and done with this romance subshit

Sollux re-encrypts the insufferable shades.

JADE: karkat, im sorry. :(

she reaches out to touch karkat's shoulder.

JADE: dave... the REAL dave meant a lot to the both of us.

Just that moment, Latula swings the door open.

LATULA: h3y, sorry w3 took so long.

She looks around at the room full of frowning faces.

LATULA: wh4t h4pp3n3d?


	15. S0llux's New Gr00ve

The fun little get together Jade envisioned has turned into a shouting match between some of her closest friends. She hoped it would help everyone (Karkat) relax more.

KARKAT: YOU *REALLY* WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG?!  
KARKAT: I COULD LITERALLY *DIE* BEFORE THE WAR IS OVER!  
JADE: didnt meenah extend your life?  
KARKAT: I'M STILL MORTAL!

John thinks back to the wedding once more. His and Karkat's last conversation there was about this very subject, before it got cut short.

JADE: and so is sollux!  
JOHN: I shouldn't have brought it up.  
KARKAT: BUT IT'S STILL TRUE!  
JADE: even so, well all do our best to makes sure you do win before that happens!  
LATULA: y34h!  
SOLLUX: 0k.  
MITUNA: y35.  
JOHN: sure.

Karkat thinks of what he can do to cement their victory in the war, as Sollux prepares dinner.

JADE: sollux, what are you making?  
SOLLUX: crisps and mixture.

He opens the bag of crisps into a bowl and puts the mixture beside it.  
Jade carries it over to the table, while Sollux takes the first painful bite. He crushes the crisps via the roof of his mouth, trying not to wince.

KARKAT: WE NEED TO TAKE OVER THE CARAPACIAN KINGDOM.  
JADE: :o  
KARKAT: IF THEY DON'T AGREE TO OUR DEMANDS, WE TAKE OVER THE NEIGHBORING LANDS AND BOX THEM IN.  
JADE: but jane already rules most of that land.  
KARKAT: I'VE BEEN SPEAKING ABOUT IT TO MEENAH FOR A WHILE NOW AND IT'S THE ONLY COURSE OF ACTION WE CAN TAKE.  
KARKAT: JOHN, IN CASE I DIE BEFORE ANY OF MY PLANS COME TO FRUITION, I WANT YOU TO TAKE OVER FOR ME.  
JOHN: wait, what?!  
KARKAT: SOLLUX, YOU WILL BE PROMOTED TO LIEUTENANT, ALONG WITH JOHN AND WILL CONTROL ALL OF MY MILITARY PERSONNEL.  
SOLLUX: WAIT, WHAT?!  
JOHN: don't you think you're pushing us too hard, especially sollux?  
KARKAT: HE WILL HAVE SEVERAL BODYGUARDS KEEPING HIM SAFE 24/7.  
SOLLUX: can i get a fucking say in *any* 0f this?  
KARKAT: AS IS THE NORM FOR ALL HIGH OFFICIALS, MEENAH WILL NEED TO EXTEND YOUR LIFE.  
SOLLUX: thanks, but i decline. pr0m0te jade instead.  
KARKAT: SHE DOESN'T HAVE PROPHET POWERS.  
SOLLUX: 0h, s0 y0u're *using* me.  
JADE: i dont think he really meant-  
SOLLUX: n0, i think i get EXACTLY what he means!  
JADE: where are you going?  
SOLLUX: 0ut f0r a walk.  
LATULA: 1'll com3 w1th you.

They leave the apartment.

LATULA: 1 th1nk 1 und3rst4nd wh4t k4rk4t 1s go1ng through.  
SOLLUX: he wants t0 make me an even bigger target s0 i have t0 d0 exactly what he says 0r i get culled.  
SOLLUX: the typical life 0f a g0ldbl00d.  
LATULA: wh3n m1tun4 f1rst got 1n th3 4cc1d3nt, 1 tr13d to m4n4g3 3v3ry p4rt of h1s d4y.  
LATULA: 4ft3r 4 wh1l3 1 r34l1z3d h3 w4s m1s3r4bl3 4nd h3 n33d3d to do th1ngs on h1s own som3t1m3s.  
LATULA: s1nc3 th3n h3 d1scov3r3d mor3 p4rts of h1ms3lf, such 4s 4n 1nt3r3st 1n dr4w1ng.  
SOLLUX: except f0r 0ne little thing: i've been blind f0r 0ver a decade and *n0w* he wants t0 d0 this t0 me!  
LATULA: y34h, 1 g3t th4t but m4yb3 you'r3 blow1ng 1t 4ll out of proport1on.  
SOLLUX: n0, i've got a pretty g00d fucking grasp 0n h0w his thinkpan w0rks.

Latula gets her skateboard out and grinds a few rails.

SOLLUX: st0p d0ing that!  
LATULA: 1t's just 4 b1t of fun.  
LATULA: you 3v3r tr13d sk4t3bo4rd1ng b3for3?  
SOLLUX: i w0uldn't even be capable 0f d0ing it.  
LATULA: 1 could t34ch you.

She brings the board to Sollux's foot, but it goes right through him.

SOLLUX: what are y0u d0ing?  
LATULA: oh, n3v3rm1nd.

She takes off the helmet and fiddles with it instead.

SOLLUX: what is it n0w?  
LATULA: th1s h3lm3t w4s m4d3 to h3lp m1tun4 n4v1g4t3 h1s surround1ngs, but 1t d1dn't r34lly work.  
SOLLUX: why n0t?  
LATULA: m1tun4 f1nds th1ngs... d1ff1cult to und3rst4nd.  
SOLLUX: maybe.  
LATULA: com3 on, l3t's go.

Sollux faces downward and looks disappointed.  
  
LATULA: wh4t 1s 1t?  
SOLLUX: when i m0ved here i wanted to find s0me peace in my life and i th0ught being a teacher 0r having a stable girlfriend w0uld d0 it.  
LATULA: th3 promot1on d1srupts 1t, huh?  
SOLLUX: n0t that either, t0day i keep 0n hearing m0re and m0re fucked up things again.  
LATULA: l1k3 wh4t...?  
SOLLUX: the batterwitch will find us.  
LATULA: how soon? w1ll sh3 cull us? or c4ptur3 us?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w, but i think it will be a while, after i l0se the rest 0f my psi0nic p0wers.  
LATULA: you...!

She flashes back to a time when Mituna said a similar thing.

[LATULA: why 4r3 you t3ll1ng m3 th1s?]  
[MITUNA: BECAUSE II DONT HAVE A CHOIICE APPARENTLY.]  
[LATULA: w1ll you d13?]  
[MITUNA: IID BE A2 GOOD A2 DEAD, II GUE22.]

LATULA: 1...

She falls silent. She thought these days were long passed her.

SOLLUX: 0h it's definitely g0ing t0 suck n0t having p0wers anym0re, 0r at least what little i have left.  
LATULA: str41ght-up t3ll k4rk4t 4bout th1s.  
SOLLUX: he'd put me in l0ckd0wn again.  
LATULA: 1t's worth it! t4k3 1t from 4unt13 l4tul4.  
SOLLUX: i am *n0t* g0ing t0 start calling y0u that!  
LATULA: w3 should st1ll go b4ck.

The two go back to the apartment.

KARKAT: WELL, WHAT WILL IT BE?  
SOLLUX: i f0reheard s0mething.  
JADE: what was it? :o  
SOLLUX: the batterwitch will find us and...  
JADE: but she already knows where we are.  
SOLLUX: i mean she's g0ing t0 infiltrate us and dress up like 0ne 0f us.  
KARKAT: WHICH IS ALL THE MORE REASON WHY WE... *I* NEED YOUR HELP.  
LATULA: th3r3's on3 oth3r th1ng too.  
SOLLUX: i'm als0 g0ing t0 l0se the rest 0f my p0wers.  
JADE: then what's going to be the difference?  
SOLLUX: y0u d0n't get it, i'm... pr0bably g0ing t0 die.

Jade's eyes turn blank, her lips shiver and she falls to the ground.

JADE: d... die?  
KARKAT: THEN WE HAVE TO ACT FAST. WE'RE INVADING NEXT TUESDAY.  
KARKAT: SOLLUX, IF YOU GET ANYMORE PROPHECIES, TELL ME, JOHN OR MEENAH IMMEDIATELY.  
KARKAT: JADE, INFORM ALL NEWS OUTLETS ABOUT THE BATTERWITCHES' POSSIBLE PRESENCE.  
KARKAT: JOHN, PUT SECURITY ON AMBER.  
KARKAT: LATULA AND MITUNA, TELL THE GHOSTS ABOUT ALL OF THIS.

Everyone goes off to do as Karkat demands of them, except for Sollux and Karkat himself.

KARKAT: I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME TO THIS.

He picks up his phone, dials a number and says a few words to someone on the other side.

KARKAT: HE'S READY.

A few minutes pass and a large Troll comes in looking intimidatingly at Karkat.

KARKAT: THIS IS YOUR BODYGUARD.  
SOLLUX: i d0n't need 0ne!  
KARKAT: IT'S FOR PRECAUTION.  
SOLLUX: kk, i'm n0t s0me helpless grub.  
KARKAT: YOU SAID YOU COULD DIE!

Sollux turns and sighs.

SOLLUX: y0u seemed pretty damn c0ntent ab0ut my "death" bef0re, at that c0rpse party.  
KARKAT: I-  
SOLLUX: y0u f0rg0t ab0ut me, didn't y0u?  
KARKAT: SINCE DAVE-  
SOLLUX: what, s0 i'm his *replacement* n0w?!  
SOLLUX: if y0u fucking want him s0 badly, then TALK t0 him!

He hands the glasses over and storms off again.

DAVEBOT: let me guess that one troll stormed off and now i have to talk to you  
KARKAT: (one troll...)  
DAVEBOT: what not in the mood to talk  
KARKAT: DAVE STOP BEING SUCH A DOUCHE!  
DAVEBOT: nah its part of my job description being talking shades and all

Jade returns home and is not exactly thrilled to see Dave again.

JADE: wheres sollux?  
DAVEBOT: he left a while ago  
JADE: what?!  
DAVEBOT: crabkat told him hes a replacement which is right damn on the mark if i do say so mys-  
KARKAT: ENOUGH!

He throws the shades across the room accidentally and the arms break off.

KARKAT: SHIT! DAVE! DAVE...  
DAVEBOT: stop shouting  
JADE: ill see where sollux ran off to.  
KARKAT: I ALREADY SENT OUT PARIAN.  
JADE: who?  
KARKAT: HIS NEW BODYGUARD.

Jade shakes her head, knowing there's no way they would be able to bring Sollux back.

JADE: im going anyway.

She leaves the room, almost as angry as Sollux was when he arrived.

DAVEBOT: just great at driving people off arnt you  
KARKAT: DAVE, WHAT DID OBAMA DO TO YOU?

Back with Jade, she starts to text Sollux.

JADE: where are you?  
`SOLLUX: 0utside.`

She rushes outside and sees Sollux with the aforementioned bodyguard.

JADE: its been a while since ive seen the sunset.

Jade moves over to sit next to Sollux.

JADE: its strange how green it is here.  
SOLLUX: c0l0red by the remnants 0f the green sun.  
JADE: yeah.  
SOLLUX: it reminds me 0f when the green sun first f0rmed. terezi tried t0 described it t0 me but she was facing the wr0ng way.  
JADE: sollux...  
SOLLUX: yeah.  
JADE: youre facing the wrong way now!

She turns his head to face the sunset properly.

JADE: thats better.

Sollux holds her hand, wondering how long this moment could really last.

PARIAN: We-should-go-back-inside.  
JADE: just a bit longer.  
PARIAN: It-is-past-curfew.  
SOLLUX: leave us!

She reluctantly goes back into the base.

JADE: lets always do this from now on!!!

Sollux doesn't really understand the appeal of staring at star going past the horizon, but if Jade likes it, it must be worth it.

SOLLUX: that s0unds g00d.

Jade puts her head on his arm.

JADE: sorry about karkat.  
SOLLUX: f0rget ab0ut it.

He turns around to kiss his lovely dogdess.

JADE: whatever happens, even if... you do lose your powers and Jane sneaks in, i-  
SOLLUX: -i kn0w.  
JADE: thank you.  
SOLLUX: s0me0ne 0nce t0ld me n0t all pr0phecies are meant t0 c0me true.  
JADE: does that mean it wont happen? :o  
SOLLUX: maybe.  
JADE: i just hope that jake and tavros are ok...  
SOLLUX: i have it 0n g00d auth0rity they're just fine.  
JADE: sollux, lets get married!


	16. The Bees Knees

Several weeks pass by and Sollux finds himself at his usual desk, in a room not too far from the "boss'".  
It's business as usual: get a prophecy; tell Karkat; repeat. When it's eventually quitting time, Sollux has another issue to deal with.  
  
SOLLUX: why d0 y0u have t0 f0ll0w me everywhere?!  
PARIAN: How-did-you-know?  
SOLLUX: y0u *always* d0 this!  
  
Not only that, their heavy breathing gave them away immediately.  
When Sollux gets back home, Jade looks around behind him.  
  
JADE: no karkat?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: but he always walks you home!  
PARIAN: Boss-is-still-down-about-the-glasses.  
JADE: what happened this time? :/  
PARIAN: They-stopped-working.  
JADE: :(  
JADE: poor karkat... i think we should invite him for dinner again.  
SOLLUX: y0u kn0w h0w well that went last time.  
JADE: but hes all alone.  
SOLLUX: with meenah...  
JADE: still, he needs cheering up!  
  
Sollux goes over to the giant hive server he's started to build and connects a monitor to it.  
  
JADE: stop fiddling with that beehive thing and speak to karkat!  
SOLLUX: i'm ab0ut t0, i just need t0 make a few alterati0ns t0 the server.  
  
Karkat appears on the screen Sollux set up, surprising both karkat and jade!  
  
JADE: i will NEVER understand how troll technology works!  
SOLLUX: it's n0t that c0mplicated.  
JADE: you magically made a beehive that works as a computer!!! :o  
SOLLUX: that's what hive servers *are*.  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!  
SOLLUX: well first 0f all i set that shit up f0r y0u.  
SOLLUX: sec0nd, jade thinks y0u're being a "gl00my gus" her w0rds, n0t mine.  
KARKAT: NOT ALL OF US CAN GO BACK TO OUR HIVE RIGHT AWAY!  
JADE: yeah, you normally hang out with sollux after work.  
KARKAT: AND THANKS TO THAT I'VE BEEN FAR TOO BEHIND ON MY DUTIES AS OF LATE.  
MEENAH: tf you talkin about nubs  
MEENAH: i always have to fishnish your junk for you  
JADE: then if youre done why dont you come over?  
KARKAT: I'M *NOT* DONE.  
MEENAH: nah its fin you can hang out with your bf  
JADE: you can come too meenah.  
JADE: i have this article to show you thats completely ridiculous!  
SOLLUX: it's an0ther 0ne that talks d0wn t0 my caste, isn't it.  
JADE: well it is about you!  
SOLLUX: terrific.  
JADE: who knows, it might actually make you smile! :B  
SOLLUX: n0t if it's end0rsed by cr0cker c0rp.  
JADE: look at the time, we have to go and watch the sunset!  
JADE: are you guys coming?  
MEENAH: fishshore  
KARKAT: MEENAH!  
MEENAH: was hopin i could get away with it longer  
  
Jade and Sollux go back to the entrance of the base, bees in tow. The couple set up a makeshift picnic of sorts.  
  
JADE: they followed us! :o  
SOLLUX: i t0ld them t0.  
JADE: you can talk to animals?!  
SOLLUX: 0nly bees and barkbeasts.  
JADE: so you just... speak the bees? thats a normal thing for you???  
SOLLUX: y0u d0n't kn0w a l0t ab0ut h0w tr0ll castes w0rk, d0 y0u.  
JADE: to be fair you are the first gold blood ive met.  
  
Sollux flashes and pulsates his sockets bright gold erratically and the bees around him spin around in circles, then go off to search for flowers.  
  
JADE: how do you know they're looking at you when they do that?  
SOLLUX: their antenna pick it up.  
  
He wraps an arm around Jade and tugs her close.  
  
JADE: theyre coming.  
KARKAT: LET'S JUST GET IT OVER WITH.  
  
Karkat sits next to Sollux while shaking his head at the couple.  
  
JADE: im glad you came, you need some fresh air.  
MEENAH: funny i thought nubby did this with you two all the time  
  
She raises an eyebrow, as she grins eerily at karkat.  
  
JADE: id love to get back with karkat but...  
SOLLUX: y0u *w0uld*, huh?  
MEENAH: nah was a joke patchless  
MEENAH: wheres that article you said before  
JADE: its back home.  
KARKAT: AH! WHAT'S WITH ALL OF THESE BEES?!  
SOLLUX: st0p m0ving ar0und s0 much, 0r they'll think y0u're an intruder.  
KARKAT: THEN TELL THEM TO STOP BUMPING INTO ME!  
  
Jade gets up to grab a drink and Karkat goes for the bee-free spot she left behind.  
  
SOLLUX: i'm surprised parian finally left us al0ne.  
  
He grabs karkat by the lower torso, to move him onto his lap.  
  
KARKAT: WHAT THE *FUCK* DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!  
SOLLUX: shit!  
JADE: :o  
MEENAH: fuckin knew it  
JADE: sollux... i moved...  
SOLLUX: thanks a l0t jd, c0uld have t0ld me BEF0RE i made a t0tal f00l 0f myself!  
  
Jade grabs Karkat and puts him next to Meenah, then moves to her rightful place on Sollux's lap.  
  
JADE: thats better.  
JADE: im surprised you didnt hear his thought next to you.  
SOLLUX: my p0wers d0n't w0rk like that.  
JADE: huh?  
SOLLUX: i can hear v0ices all ar0und me, but n0t always 0f pe0ple the cl0sest t0 me.  
  
The goldblood probes for a drink with his powers, however the bees intercept the signal before he can reach for one and they carry it to him instead.  
  
JADE: i didnt know that could do that!! :o  
JADE: maybe next time they should do that for me, in case you accidentally pick meenah up!  
SOLLUX: i 0nly picked kk up by accident because y0u're a similar size.  
MEENAH: you callin me fat patchless  
JADE: shh! were missing it! :(  
MEENAH: whats so good about some settin sun anyway  
SOLLUX: s0 i'm n0t the 0nly 0ne t0 questi0n that.  
JADE: because its romantic and its what couples do!  
JADE: you know that!  
  
She flies up with Sollux, staring at the glittering of broken windows from bombed buildings across the horizon, that now serve little purpose but to reflect rays of sunlight.  
  
JADE: pretty. :)  
SOLLUX: put me d0wn n0w.  
  
Jade delicately drops Sollux to the ground, then aptly shoves a sandwich into his mouth.  
  
SOLLUX: pffth! warn me the next time y0u d0 that!  
JADE: ok grouchy, lets go back now.  
  
All four of them and the bees go back home.  
  
MEENAH: oh right almost forgot i need to do the life extend thing  
MEENAH: cant make you young again fraid youre stuck like that forever patchless  
  
Jade lets Sollux make his life-changing decision and grabs the magazine the article is in and hopes he goes through with it.  
  
JADE: "many of you may know sollux as that weird old guy who hangs around commander vantas and jade..."  
SOLLUX: "weird 0ld guy".  
MEENAH: sounds aboat right  
JADE: *ahem* "...but, hell always be my hero."  
JADE: "as a voidrot myself, its a struggle to just live day to day life, so when i heard that mr. captor got promoted to lieutenant, my heart skipped a beat!"  
JADE: "sollux isnt just fighting the war for troll kind, no, hes also fighting for us voidrots; giving us the hope that we too one day can strive to be in power!"  
JADE: well, what do you think??  
  
She looks at Sollux excitedly, wagging her tail.  
  
SOLLUX: 0k i guess.  
JADE: just "ok"?!  
SOLLUX: karkat kept 0n giving me pr0m0ti0ns f0r n0 g00d reas0n.  
JADE: but... youre somebodys hero!!  
JADE: i remember i couldnt wait to be a hero one day when i was young!  
JADE: i always knew the day would come!  
SOLLUX: wh0's supp0sed t0 be the pr0phet here?  
JADE: not just blind people predict the future, you know.  
JADE: besides maybe your weird powers are rubbing off on me! ;B  
SOLLUX: n0t as weird as-  
  
Karkat interrupts the couple's banter.  
  
KARKAT: SOLLUX, WE NEED TO GET READY TO PLAN THE NEXT COURSE OF ACTION AGAINST THE BATTERWITCH.  
SOLLUX: kk i t0ld y0u, my bees still need t0 get used t0 the base's mainframe bef0re we can d0 any planning.  
JADE: we should find jake and tavros... and hopefully even harry anderson and roxy too.  
SOLLUX: anyway i th0ught y0u wanted me t0 increase security here bef0re anything else gets d0ne.  
JADE: in what way??  
SOLLUX: the usual crap: face rec0gniti0n, iris scanners, h0rn examiners...  
JADE: i think the last two will have problems with us. :/  
SOLLUX: i have an idea t0 get ar0und them.  
KARKAT: JUST HURRY UP AND GET IT DONE! I CAN'T AFFORD MANY MORE DELAYS!  
JADE: karkat before you go, im... sorry about dave.  
  
Their boss turns around and gives a brief melancholy look  
  
KARKAT: GET THE JOB DONE.  
  
He exist the apartment and slams the door behind him, slightly agitating the bees.  
  
JADE: so what is your plan anyway??  
SOLLUX: i'll have t0 wait f0r the part t0 arrive first.  
  
Sollux pauses for a few seconds, suddenly remembering something important.  
  
SOLLUX: jade d0n't even think ab0ut eating the mind h0ney.  
JADE: ummgh... what?  
SOLLUX: y0u'll get addicted and i'll have t0 kn0ck y0u 0ut.  
JADE: ... :(  
SOLLUX: jade, y0u didn't...  
PARIAN: Oh-dear.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Three Trolls search the remains of a bombing, all three are specialists, all three are well known in the base as being the best at what they do.  
They are the search patrol and right now they're searching for Jake, whose last signal was tracked here.  
  
SKURJE: ya SHURE the tracker's right?  
MORELE: Yeh, thiz iz the plaze.  
KRIMMY: Why are we helpin' this eeh... y'know, "bumpkuss" with eeh... our *ahem* "talents" anyhows?  
MORELE: Coz the bozz sayz so thatz why!  
SKURJE: ifin i had my way, i'da culled him and tap dance on his grave!  
SKURJE: cozza', y'know, he exed off onna' my team mates back inna' war.  
KRIMMY: We all have eeh... certain "issues" with this eeh... "individual".  
MORELE: Issuez smisshuez, az long az we're getting paid!  
  
The three trudge along, looking for any possible remains left over.  
  
SKURJE: nuthin' to analyse here.  
MORELE: Az imaptiant az alwayz.  
MORELE: If you weren't so sloppy, we'dve been done with thiz job by now!  
KRIMMY: Eeh... quiet there, i eeh... you know, hear somethink!  
SKURJE: (is it our mark?)  
MORELE: (We're not mercenariez!)  
KRIMMY: (Eeh... shhh!)  
  
Krimmy sneaks up to where the faint noise of rustling can be heard.  
  
JAKE: What ho!  
KRIMMY: Ehh... ah jeeze!  
MORELE: I take it that'z the man!  
KRIMMY: No, wait!  
  
Morele carefully walks up to the man in question and gets a face full of something she wasn't quite prepared for.  
  
MORELE: I had no idea... he waz packing that much!!  
SKURJE: usin' blinding tactics, i al'ays knew you were smarter than ya looked!  
  
The last of the three finally walks up to Jake and is equally surprised by what he found as his teammates are.  
  
JAKE: You chaps wouldnt happen to have any spare pantaloons on you by chance?


	17. C0ping Mechanisms

After the disaster that happened the past two days, Sollux has decided to keep on ear out for Jade to make sure she doesn't start eating mind honey again.  
However, it does take a few tries to convince Karkat that Sollux should work from home.

JADE: hmm... that cant be right!  
SOLLUX: what is it?  
JADE: its this quiz thing about classpects in this magazine, but it says im not a witch of space. :/  
SOLLUX: aren't they supp0sed t0 teach that shit in sch00l?  
JADE: only really the aspect and moon bits.  
JADE: well it could be meant for trolls so it may work on you???  
JADE: question 1: someone is humaning you for liking something online, do you 1. bait them, 2. belittle one of their interests, 3. block them 4. brag about how much money you have, or 5. recite all of the batterwitches anti-troll policies until theyre bored to death?  
SOLLUX: i w0uld prefer y0u d0n't read the wh0le fucking thing t0 me.  
JADE: aww why not, its what couples do!! :)  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: dont be such a grouch!  
SOLLUX: i've g0t w0rk t0 d0.  
JADE: now you sound like karkat, hahaha!

Sollux turns his head away from Jade to continue working on the beehome server.

JADE: fine, ill answer them for you.

It takes a few minutes for her to tick off the answers.

JADE: youre a... seer of void!  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: why not, youre mysterious and know a lot!  
SOLLUX: i w0uld rather n0t tell y0u my real classpect.  
JADE: there you go, being mr. mysterious again!  
SOLLUX: if i t0ld y0u, y0u w0uld d0 an0ther crappy quiz t0 see if we're c0mpatable.  
JADE: and the fact you even know that means youre going to tell me anyway! :B  
PARIAN: She-has-a-good-point.  
SOLLUX: *sigh*  
JADE: youre no fun! :/

Sollux is about to initiate the plan, but gets interrupted by a series of rushed texts sent by Karkat.

KARKAT: SOLLUX NOW!  
KARKAT: CHECK THE LISTINGS!  
KARKAT: *FUCK*!!  
SOLLUX: what are y0u talking ab0ut?  
KARKAT: THE PATROL NEVER CAME BACK, I NEED THE CULL LISTINGS UP!  
SOLLUX: i can just hack int0 their ph0nes y0u kn0w.  
SOLLUX: ... they're fine.  
KARKAT: AND YOU'RE SURE?  
SOLLUX: 0ne 0f them is ab0ut t0 text y0u right n0w.

Sollux puts down the phone and shakes his head, thinking to himself that it's been a while.

JADE: another false alarm?  
SOLLUX: pretty much.  
JADE: strange how Karkat always goes to you when hes worried.  
SOLLUX: lucky me.  
PARIAN: You-do-take-good-care-of-him.

Sollux mumbles something under his breath, though Jade's dog ears manage to pick it up.

JADE: his guardian?  
SOLLUX: and kk sticks *me* with a b0dyguard.  
JADE: sollux... i dont think parian is just for you.  
JADE: and "kk" hasnt sent me on any missions lately.  
PARIAN: I-think-he-feels-bad-about-how-he's-treated-the-both-of-you-in-the-past.  
JADE: he did break our hearts. :(  
SOLLUX: i d0n't have time f0r this.  
JADE: huh?  
SOLLUX: i st0pped *needing* t0 l00k after him when the sessi0n started!  
JADE: maybe he needs you again! :)  
JADE: like i do.  
SOLLUX: meenah can just d0 *that* bit f0r me.  
JADE: was that a joke? :o  
SOLLUX: hardly.  
JADE: if this is really big big problem, you should talk to him.

Sollux droops his head down.

SOLLUX: i pr0bably sh0uld.

He works on the plan a bit more, then picks up a strange looking device.

JADE: whats that?  
SOLLUX: it's the security part.  
MACHINE: Activated. Please get ready for retina scan.  
JADE: but it wont work...

Sollux goes along with it, having his sockets scanned instead.

MACHINE: No retinas found, second phase of recognition initiated.

Sollux ducks his head down so the strange machine can scan his horns.

MACHINE: Horns found. Third phase of recognition initiated... please say your sign and name.  
SOLLUX: gemini, capt0r.

The machine then asks Sollux a series of questions, all of which he answers.  
Jade looks on annoyed, wondering how much longer it will take.

JADE: are you done yet?  
SOLLUX: alm0st.  
MACHINE: Twenty second phase of recognition initiated... are there any other individuals currently sharing quaters with you?  
SOLLUX: harley.  
MACHINE: Twenty third phase of-  
JADE: but how many are left?!  
MACHINE: Twenty two of fourty four phases complete for this unit.  
JADE: :(  
SOLLUX: 23, parian.  
MACHINE: Twe-  
SOLLUX: cease.  
JADE: what happened?  
SOLLUX: i'm d0ne.

Jade tilts her head, pondering why there's a need for so many questions.

JADE: why did you...  
JADE: wait, the quiz! you did that whole thing with the machine but not with me. :/  
PARIAN: This-one-may-be-a-bit-more-urgent.  
JADE: i guess so.  
SOLLUX: actually n0, it was c0mpletely p0intless.  
JADE: >:(  
SOLLUX: f0r me.  
JADE: what. :/  
SOLLUX: i needed t0 check if it w0uld w0rk 0r n0t and n0w i can get it manufactured pr0perly f0r the base.

He pats Jade's head.

JADE: at least karkat wont be barking orders at you so much.  
SOLLUX: he will.  
SOLLUX: i 0nly have 0ne functi0ning face h0le and he expects me t0 w0rk as fast as i did when i had b0th eyes!  
JADE: one what???

Sollux points to his face, his left socket glows bright yellow and static sparks at the back of it, while the right socket just has a dull glow.

JADE: is this to do with losing your powers?

He almost responds, but a loud banging at the door stops him.

JADE: aaah! does he need to knock so loud?!

She answers the door seeing a panting Karkat on the other side.

KARKAT: COME... *HUFF* QUICK...  
SOLLUX: i t0ld y0u bef0re, n0-0ne in the squad has been culled.  
KARKAT: THEY *HUFF* FOUND JAKE!

Jade's eyes widen.

JADE: where is he???  
JADE: is tavros...  
KARKAT: FOUND TOO!

Karkat tries to lead them up, but is still exhausted from the run there.

JADE: maybe you should carry him.  
SOLLUX: just what i need, an0ther passenger.

He scoops Karkat up in his arms.

JADE: awww...  
KARKAT: WHAT WAS THAT?!  
JADE: sollux really... (is your guardian)  
KARKAT: REGARDLESS, THEY'RE IN MY OFFICE!

The crowds around them laugh excitendly.

Venspa: Well now, what a perculiar series of eVVents THIS is!  
Glomgo: Gluuuub. Gods suuuur€ do g€t arouuuund.

Sollux moves at his usual slow pace, to the annoyance of Karkat.

JADE: you should probably pick up the pace.  
SOLLUX: i can't because carring the b0th 0f y0u is d0ing a number 0n my behind c0lumn.

Jade jumps off, landing both of her back paws delicately on the ground.  
Sollux rubs his back then walks a bit faster.

JADE: i cant wait, its been so long!!! :B

A few more flights of stairs and they make it. Jade opens the door to the office, wagging her tail behind her.

JADE: jake!!! :)  
JADE: tavros, youve got so tall! :o

The awkward teen walks over to his aunt, twiddling his thumbs.

TAVROS: So,,, are we in trouble?  
JADE: for what???  
TAVROS: For,,, killing all of those chaps in the dance shows,

That was a loaded quiestion, one Jade wasn't prepared to answer.

JADE: i dont... know?  
JAKE: What i think he meant to say was "I'm glad to be here".  
TAVROS: Father,,, please stop undercutting what i'm trying to say,,,  
TAVROS: I,,, may be indebted to you but,,, um,,, pl, please listen,

He takes a large swig of faygo to calm his nerves.

JADE: what happened? :(  
TAVROS: Bombs went off where we were staying,,, father saved me,,, but no one wanted to save him,,,  
TAVROS: He d-d,,,,,,,,, died in front of me,,,

Tavros downs the rest of the drink.

JAKE: But i am fine now, no need to fret!  
TAVROS: Then some,,, angel ghost thing revived him,,,  
TAVROS: By then the,,, whole town was in great peril,  
TAVROS: After that,,,  
JAKE: After that we came here!  
TAVROS: Father,,, there is more to the story than,,, than that,  
TAVROS: We,,, were abandoned by everyone and,,, well,,, you see,,, um,,, err,,,  
JAKE: Some passers by caught me off guard, it was quite the tussle!

Tavros opens another bottle.

TAVROS: They,,, *glug*,,, *glug*,,, *glug*,,, took everything,  
JADE: everything???  
TAVROS: Yes, including my,,, *glug* faygo,,,  
JAKE: It was quite a pinch we were in, heh he...

Jade takes a closer look at the garments the two are wearing, they look poor fitting and hastily made.

JADE: please, dont say anymore. :(

She runs up to Tavros and gives him a big hug.

JADE: welcome home! :)  
TAVROS: Is,,, uncle john here?  
JADE: yes, but hes working at the moment.

 

Meanwhile... with Sollux and Karkat.

SOLLUX: kk, we need t0 talk.  
SOLLUX: i can't just keep 0n being y0ur g0-t0 f0r when everything g0es wr0ng.  
SOLLUX: espeically when it's a false alarm.  
KARKAT: BUT I-  
SOLLUX: an0ther thing is, why d0 i have t0 take up all 0f y0ur 0dd j0bs?  
SOLLUX: i'm pretty sure being y0ur pers0nal head 0f security isn't in my j0b descripti0n.  
SOLLUX: i'm t00 0ld f0r this shit!

Karkat rubs him temples and takes out a beer.

KARKAT: I DON'T THINK *YOU* UNDERSTAND!  
KARKAT: I'M IN CHANGE OF SO MANY LIVES, SO MANY TROLLS NEED MY GUIDANCE!  
KARKAT: SO WHAT IF I ASK YOU FOR SOME HELP EVERY NOW AND AGAIN?!  
SOLLUX: kk, first y0u wanted t0 micr0manage every part 0f my day and n0w y0u except me t0 d0 the same t0 *y0u*!

Their argument draws in a crowd, so they go off into a quiet corner of the brooding cavers.

KARKAT: I-

Karkat swigs back the beer and Sollux knows exactly what that sound means, it's time for Karkat to get honest.

KARKAT: I MISS HAVING YOU AROUND OK?  
KARKAT: IS IT *SO* BAD I MISS HANGING OUT WITH YOU?!  
KARKAT: YOU'RE MY BEST *FUCKING* FRIEND EVER!

He sloops down on the hard, rocky ground, annoyed.

SOLLUX: i d0n't mind keeping y0u c0mpany, but st0p making shitty excuses 0r making up emergancies t0 keep me in!

Karkat offers Sollux some beer and he finishes the rest of the can.

KARKAT: DEAL.

He slowly takes off his eye patch and closes his one eye, to stare at Sollux socket to socket.

???: Screee!!!

A wiggler crawls up to the men, allerting Kanaya.

KARKAT: AAAH! WHAT, NO!  
SOLLUX: what are y0u screaming ab0ut this time?  
KARKAT: SOMETHING IS ON ME!

WIGGLY: Screee!!!

Kanaya looks at Sollux and Karkat angrily and tosses them out of the caverns.

KANAYA: This Is Not The Proper Conduct For The Young

 

Back with Jade, Jake and Tavros...

JADE: hmm... where are they???  
TAVROS: Where,,, is who?

The door to the office swings open, Jades goes up to it, excepting Sollux to be back.

JADE: hi- oh its you.  
MEENAH: water you still doin here  
JADE: waiting for sollux and karkat to come back!  
MEENAH: nah they left to get drunk or some shit  
JADE: huh??? sollux drinks??? :o  
MEENAH: fin is its the only way nubs will be honest most of the time  
JADE: oh...

Jade begins to feel bad about this, thinking it may have been because of how she treated Karkat.

TAVROS: Um,,, well maybe they w-wanted to leave us alone?  
JAKE: family reunions and all that.  
MEENAH: i forgot to give you this earlier

She hands over the keys for an apartment.

JADE: oh, then i'll show them around!  
MEENAH: thats the obvs thing ta do

Jade and her relatives leave.

JADE: so... it seems youre on the floor above mine.  
TAVROS: Is,,, harry anderson here?  
JADE: no, for some reason roxy wont let him join. :/  
TAVROS: Oh,,,  
JADE: but you could always talk to vriska!  
TAVROS: Why bother,,, she's so mean the whole time,,,!  
TAVROS: ,,,and she never shuts up,,, about how,,, in-hate she is with me!  
JAKE: A real crocker man he is, needs to fight pursuers off with a stick!  
TAVROS: Father,,, i do not wish to continue,,, such a discussion with you any further,,,!

They continue to walk along and Jade begins to notice how similar to Jane Tavros is becoming.

JADE: (are you ok, jake?)  
JAKE: (Why wouldnt i be?)  
JADE: (i mean, tavros is becoming more and more like... you know.)  
JAKE: (A strapping young lad!)  
JADE: (not that.)  
JAKE: (Then i havent the foggiest.)  
JADE: (erm, nevermind...)

Jade hopes for a distraction, to stop this awkward situation.

TAVORS: ,,,Is that uncle john?

Perfect!

JOHN: oh hey, karkat told me you guys were here.  
JAKE: We were just discussing how burlesque tavros has gotten!  
JOHN: ok then?  
JAKE: My he certainly has grown...  
TAVROS: Father,,, please, not in front of uncle john,,,!  
JOHN: weird complements aside, i guess you finally decided to join the right side?  
TAVROS: Technically uncle,,, there are no correct sides to war,,, only those which fight for dominance,,, and those which stand in defiance,,,  
JOHN: so good guys vs. bad guys.  
TAVROS: ,,,though retaliation,,, is quite often what makes,,, beasts out of man, or trolls in this case,,,

He downs some more of his "confidence juice".

JOHN: i guess...  
TAVROS: though,,, i must ask why,,, harry anderson hasn't joined the effort yet,,,  
JOHN: you have to ask roxy about that one.  
TAVROS: unfortunate,,, that we all left mother on such,,, bad terms,,,  
JOHN: why, what happened?  
TAVROS: regretably,,, i can't,,, find the confidence,,, to repeat,,, th-the y-y-yarn a-again,,,,,,,,,

Jake pats his son's sticky back.

JAKE: Well weve both had somewhat of a toilsome time getting here.  
JADE: yeah, ill tell john about it later.

A few more doors later...

JADE: well... this is your home now!

She offers a hug to Tavros, but she fears his Faygo covered body may stick to her fur, gluing them together.

JADE: :B

She waves goodbye, leaving the three to reconnect.


	18. Capt0r's R0cky R0ad

Sollux and Karkat are lingering outside of the former's apartment.

SOLLUX: she is g0ing t0 have *s0* many questi0ns!

They open the door.

JADE: there you are!

She looks at them for a few seconds.

JADE: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!! :o  
SOLLUX: *sigh* first...  
JADE: why are you... um... i though...!

She gazes at Sollux, who's now wearing Karkat's crimson and grey eyepatch. Karkat on the other hand has switched to a similarly red and golden patch design, with Sollux's sign stitched in.

SOLLUX: relax, it's 0nly f0r security reas0ns.

It's more than just their eye patches though, it's also their whole speed suits, which have miraculously switched! Except for the part where their clothes have also changed sizes.

JADE: security?!  
SOLLUX: yes.  
JADE: how???  
SOLLUX: i g0t dem0ted t0 head 0f security and turns 0ut this is the new 0utfit.

Jade doesn't believe it for a second.

JADE: >:( *really* now?!  
SOLLUX: t0ld y0u it w0uldn't w0rk! that was 0ne 0f the m0st STUPID ideas y0u've ever c0me up with!  
KARKAT: ...  
SOLLUX: and n0w y0u want *me* t0 be the 0ne t0 tell jade the truth!  
KARKAT: JADE.

Fire burns in her eyes, as she looks at the both of them with shear rage.

KARKAT: I NEED SOLLUX TO HELP PROTECT ME.  
KARKAT: HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.  
KARKAT: HE'S ALSO ONE OF THE PEOPLE I TRUST THE MOST WITH A PROJECT.  
JADE: a project that means you need to swap clothes???!

Sollux takes off the patch and pulls something out of his socket, with his long claws.

JADE: what???  
SOLLUX: this has all 0f the data ab0ut every0ne in the base.  
JADE: and?  
SOLLUX: and if any0ne were t0 abduct me 0r i became brainwashed by the batterbitches' shit, it w0uld be pretty damn easy t0 tell.  
JADE: because you'd have different clothes on? i dont get it!  
SOLLUX: yes and these cl0thes have patters on them that need t0 be treated 0r they w0n't sh0w up under the right frequency.  
SOLLUX: plus this shade 0f red is pretty damn hard t0 c0me by, apparently.  
JADE: so you arnt actually going out?  
JADE: but then why does karkat need your clothes?  
SOLLUX: f0r a similar reas0n.  
JADE: so this is a you thing now?  
SOLLUX: it's an "us" thing n0w.

He hands over a blue eyepatch to Jade.

JADE: security?  
SOLLUX: pretty much.

Jade sighs a breath a relief.

KARKAT: THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE.  
JADE: what is it?  
KARKAT I HAVEN'T HAD THE TIME TO SAY IT SO...  
SOLLUX: KK N0000!  
SOLLUX: Whatever y0u d0, *d0n't* say it!  
KARKAT: SORRY FOR CHUCKING YOU DOWN THE STAIRS AND AM THE REASON FOR WHY THE FUCK YOUR TEETH ARE MISSING.  
SOLLUX: *FUCK*!

He face palms, knowing it's too late.

JADE: but he said that wait... WAIT!!! :o :o  
SOLLUX: *great* *great* *greatttt*!  
JADE: mystery solved!  
SOLLUX: n0w she remembers the t0tally n0t at all embarrassing way we met!  
SOLLUX: 0n0  
SOLLUX: and that's the face i pulled just n0w?!  
JADE: hahahaha!!!  
SOLLUX: this is stupid!  
SOLLUX: kk just get 0ut 0f here!  
SOLLUX: 0r better yet *i'll* get 0ut 0f here!  
JADE: no wait... hahaha!  
JADE: sorry, just you had your, hahaha! then your teeth got stuffed in your mouth! ahahaha!  
JADE: wait, ok, haha... ha... *hrm* sorry!

Sollux slams the door shut and storms down the corridor.

JADE: :(  
KARKAT: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?!  
JADE: well when he was first blind we met in a dream bubble with two aradia and kanaya, but i forgot about that until now.  
JADE: i guess i expected to meet him again but never did until recently.  
JADE: though the weird thing is, he said hed try and be nice to us humans but i guess he...  
KARKAT: WE CAN'T HAVE HIM MIA, WE NEED TO FIND HIM, QUICK!

Karkat stumbles around, still drunk.

 

Meanwhile, Sollux has walked up a flight of stairs, on his way to get some fresh air outside.

SOLLUX: shit! *shit!*

A passerby hears his loud mumbling and turns around.

JOHN: hey?  
SOLLUX: SHIT!  
JOHN: is jade... you know?  
SOLLUX: n0, this time it's 0ne hundred percent 0n me!  
JOHN: right, so then what...?  
SOLLUX: just the usual "make a huge f00l 0f myself in fr0nt 0f every0ne" crap!  
TAVROS: Uhh,,, wow,,, who are you,,,?!  
SOLLUX: Tavros?!  
TAVROS: H-how,,, do you know my name,,,?!  
KANAYA: Oh Dear  
SOLLUX: what's g0ing 0n, why are there s0 many pe0ple ar0und?!  
KANAYA: Karkat Told Me You Were Having A Bit Of A Tantrum  
KANAYA: It Had Something To Do With The Way You Met Jade Correct  
SOLLUX: when y0u put it that way, it make me feel even *m0re* ridicul0us!

Kanaya walks Sollux back home.

JADE: sorry for laughing at you. :(  
SOLLUX: the less we talk ab0ut it, the better.  
JADE: so you knew the whole time?  
SOLLUX: what did i just say?  
KANAYA: Now Sollux How About You-  
KARKAT: ZZZZZZZZZZ  
SOLLUX: kk... KK!  
JADE: now he decides to nap!  
SOLLUX: what a d0uche.  
JADE: seeeeeriously!  
SOLLUX: fine, i guess i'll take him back n0w.  
JADE: are you sure?  
SOLLUX: maybe i'll trip d0wn the stairs and his teeth will fall 0ut this time.  
JADE: lol!  
KANAYA: Perhaps Such A Job Would Be Better Left In My Hands  
JADE: you want knock his teeth out?  
KANAYA: For His Safety I Should Go In Your Stead  
SOLLUX: is this supp0sed t0 be a jab at h0w helpless and blind i am?  
KANAYA: Perish The Thought  
JADE: yes sollux, everything is about how traaagic you are the whole time! :/  
SOLLUX: i liked it m0re when y0u th0ught i was mysteri0us.

Kanaya picks Karkat up.

JADE: were you trying to impress me with that act? :o  
JADE: mr. something of doom.  
SOLLUX: *sigh*  
KANAYA: Maybe I Could Give You Some Counseling Later On The Proper Conduct Of Troll And Human Relations

She leaves before Sollux can give an answer.

JADE: so...  
SOLLUX: what.  
JADE: i still would have liked to have seen you in the bubbles afterward, but i usually only had normal non bubble dreams.  
SOLLUX: i guess as humans g0 y0u were easily in my t0p ten.  
JADE: there were only four of us at the time!  
JADE: ... oh i get it, trying to play it cool.  
JADE: but then again, how is tripping over be a good second introduction anyway?

Sollux goes to the Recuperacoon to sleep off his now ever expanding headache.

JADE: i'll come with you!

She snuggles up to her crushing significant other.

JADE: how's that?  
SOLLUX: fine i guess.  
JADE: hmm... since you havent had teeth since you were 13, does that mean youve had to have someone chew-

Sollux shuts Jade up the only way he knows how and that's by smooching her right on the lisp.

JADE: !!!

He pulls off a goofy, gummy grin.

JADE: haha... youre sooooo adorkable! <3 <> <3<

She paps the top of his shiny head and moves down to scratching his hairy chin.  
Sollux leans his head on Jade and she increases her size, to stop the two of them from falling into the slime.

SOLLUX: pssshuuurrr  
JADE: are you... purring?! :o  
SOLLUX: 0h, wait, why am i c0vered in saliva?  
JADE: you went into this weird trance when i started tickling your chin.

Sollux does the same to her, as a kind of strange revenge, but it doesn't work.

JADE: that tickles! hahaha!  
SOLLUX: 0w.  
JADE: headache getting worse?  
SOLLUX: h0w ever c0uld y0u tell.

Suddenly, the doorbell starts to ring and Jade gets ready to answer it, but not before kissing sollux good night and closing the door to the bedroom.

JADE: hey?  
JOHN: is sollux here?  
JADE: yeah, but hes not feeling that well so he went to bed.  
TAVROS: ,,, So,,, um,,, how did that spooky fellow,,, know my name,,,?  
JADE: hes psychic!  
TAVROS: R-r-r-REALLY?!  
TAVROS: Does,,, he know if i'm good or bad,,,?  
JADE: yeah, hes exactly like santa!  
TAVROS: umm,,, who?  
JADE: oh yeah, i forgot he doesnt exist anymore...  
JADE: basically he was a jolly old man who made two lists and whoever was on the nice list, would get presents!  
TAVROS: I,,, don't think vriska,,, would make that list,  
JADE: anyway, why do you want to talk to sollux?  
JOHN: he dropped this thing.

He hands over the security data, but it's too encryted for anyone to tell what it is.

JADE: yeah ill give it to him when he wakes up.  
JADE: do you want to stay over for a bit?  
JADE: ive got some frozen waffles and sollux cant eat them.  
TAVROS: Is um,,, he allergic,,,?  
JADE: no, he has no teeth!  
JADE: ive been trying to get rid of all the hard and crunchy food because he gets kind of... grumpy when i have to "prepare" the food for him.  
TAVROS: That,,, reminds me of u-uncle gamzee,  
JADE: but he had way toooo many teeth!  
TAVROS: uuuh,,, they weren't,,, chewed,,, ummm,,, for h-him,,,

He downs some more faygo and somehow gets it all over himself in the process.  
Jade and John share awkward glances.

JOHN: we... should probably get going.  
JADE: ooh, see you tomorrow for brunch maybe?  
JADE: (i still need to tell you about his experience.)  
JOHN: (ok.)  
TAVROS: Bye aunt jade,,, again,  
JADE: bye!

She closes the door and slithers back into the recooperacoon.


	19. The Brunchen

Jade gets ready for her family brunch, as everyone finally gets a day off and they can finally celebrate Jake and Tavros' return.  
John is the first to arrive, along with Tavros and Jake.

JADE: hi!  
JADE: (ill tell you in a sec)  
JADE: tavros, how about you go and see uncle sollux?

Jade, John and Jake all talk in a corner, retelling the terrible ordeal Jake and Tavros went through.

TAVROS: Uuh,,, uncle,,, sollux?  
SOLLUX: why are y0u calling me y0ur uncle n0w?  
TAVROS: ,,, Because aunt jade told me to,,,?  
SOLLUX: 0h y0u're *that* tavr0s.  
TAVROS: umm,,, i guess so?

He notices Sollux doesn't seem to be too friendly towards him and tries to hide his face from him.

TAVROS: So,,, you,,, um,,,  
SOLLUX: just what did jade say ab0ut me?  
TAVROS: That you're,,, san ter?  
SOLLUX: a what?  
TAVROS: ,,, Uh,,, i think she made it up,,,  
SOLLUX: she d0es that s0metimes.

He tries his best to be nice to his mystery nephew, but child rearing was never his forte.

TAVROS: So ummm,,, how do you see,,, if you don't mind my um,,, asking?  
SOLLUX: i can't.  
TAVROS: Oh,,,  
TAVROS: I ponder,,, why arent you a part of the other adults' discussion,,,?  
SOLLUX: because i already kn0w what they're saying.  
TAVROS: Oh,,, i wish i could read minds,,, but i probably,,, don't want to know,,,

The young man looks sadly at Sollux and grabs a bottle of faygo to drown his sorrows.

TAVROS: S-sometimes my father doesn't take me seriously,,, actually no one does,,,  
TAVROS: They all still,,, treat me like i'm,,, a young lad,  
TAVROS: Vriska,,, always tells me to be more,,, manly and in charge,,,  
SOLLUX: here's a tip: never listen t0 her ever.  
TAVROS: However,,, i still yearn to,,, stop being so,,, much of a pushover,,,!  
TAVROS: It,,, it,,, it really does quite get me miffed!  
SOLLUX: i get that, i always end up having t0 d0 a bunch 0f shit i d0n't want t0.  
SOLLUX: aa dragged me ar0und f0r way t00 l0ng and it t00k me 0ver a decade t0 finally find 0ut it wasn't w0rth it.  
TAVROS: So,,, then you came here,,,?  
SOLLUX: m0re like i was dragged here 0n an ab0minati0n.  
TAVROS: Oh,,, sorry about that old chap-- i mean uncle sollux,,,!  
TAVROS: It,,, seems we are rather,,, kindred spirits,,, if you don't mind such an obtuse term,  
TAVROS: I always thought,,, trolls were mean and,,, well, quite vile,,,!  
SOLLUX: is that m0re crap fr0m cr0cker c0rp?  
TAVROS: Well yes, but you see,,, i was,,, somewhat abused by,,, uncle g-g-g-g-g-g-,,, gamzee!  
SOLLUX: gamzee?  
TAVROS: Yes,,,  
SOLLUX: in that case, maybe i will give y0u that present.

Tavros' whole face lights up and he takes Sollux's hand as they go to the alchemizer unit embedded in the wall.

SOLLUX: why are y0u s0 sticky?  
TAVROS: Aren't,,, you supposed to know that already,,,?

Sollux puts in the code for 22 bottles of faygo and hands them to Tavros. He then decides to dump the first bottle all over himself and the floor.

JADE: what happened?!  
SOLLUX: my feet are wet.  
TAVROS: ,,, Uncle sollux gave me a little prezzie,,,!

Jade grabs some towels and puts them on the floor to soak up the soda.

TAVROS: ,,, Sorry about that, i get so enthralled when i indulge in faygo,,,!  
JADE: you and sollux should proobably get changed now.

The bees start to show some interest in the faygo covering them.

SOLLUX: *sigh* it's m0re 0f a pain t0 clean this jump suit than t0 keep it 0n.  
JADE: maybe your socks can distract them?

Tavros leaves the living room to change and Sollux puts his sticky socks next to the beehouse.

JOHN: so when are we going to eat?  
JADE: when everyone else arrives first!  
JOHN: and who else is coming?  
JADE: its a secret!  
SOLLUX: d0n't l00k at me, she d0esn't tell me anything.  
JOHN: why are you keeping things secret from sollux?  
JOHN: isn't he your ecto husband or something?  
JADE: ecto husbands dont exist!  
JOHN: you know what i mean.  
JADE: well sollux can read minds so i dont have to tell him anything!  
JOHN: so you're forcing stuff on him?  
JADE: if sollux had any problems with it hed say so!  
JOHN: like karkat and dave-  
JADE: please stop talking about them!!  
JADE: they were in the past, i just want to move on. :(

John drags Sollux to a corner, since he doesn't want to get into another argument with Jade.

SOLLUX: n0.  
JOHN: no what?  
SOLLUX: shes n0t f0rcing stuff 0n me, 0r at least n0 m0re than every0ne else has my entire life.  
JOHN: she seems to have a lot of control over you.  
SOLLUX: it's n0t any 0f y0ur damn business.  
JOHN: i just feel like-  
SOLLUX: st0p.

John backs off and he can't believe that Jade said he and Sollux are anything alike!

TAVROS: Uncle john,  
JOHN: yeah?  
TAVROS: I think its time for you to,,, move on.  
JOHN: i guess so.  
JOHN: when did you get so smart?  
TAVROS: ,,, I don't know what you're talking about,,,!  
JOHN: other than the faygo thing you're probably the smartest person in this whole room.  
TAVROS: Uncle,,, i do wish you wouldn't be so,,, lenient on your own merits,

John ruffles Tavros' hair and smiles.

JOHN: maybe i should go now.  
JADE: oh no! please stay!  
TAVROS: oh dear,,, was it something i said?!  
JOHN: it's just i've kind of been picking apart everyone's relationships...  
JOHN: and i need to start fixing my own.  
JADE: you want roxy back?  
JOHN: no, i want my son back.  
JADE: we don't even know where he lives!  
JOHN: i know.

He looks down, disappointed in himself for not taking better care of Harry Anderson.

JAKE: Fear not old chap, harry anderson and roxy are real go getters!  
JAKE: Theyre just fine!  
TAVROS: Excuse me father,,, but i find that's complete and,,, utter poppycock!  
JAKE: No son, theyre fine!  
TAVROS: Please,,, s-stop dismissing me,,,!  
TAVROS: We barely made it out,,, how do you think they're going to fare,,,?!  
JADE: tavros, please calm down!  
JAKE: Yes, if worse comes to worse, those squadron fellows can rescue them too!  
TAVROS: Father,,, i still don't think this is very,,, well, very realistic!  
TAVROS: No one can even get in contact with them,,, so how,,, may a i ask, do you propose we find them?!  
SOLLUX: he has a g00d p0int.  
JADE: sollux! >:(  
SOLLUX: i c0uld find them if they were 0n the grid.  
JADE: theyre off the grid?  
SOLLUX: 0ne 0f them is pr0bably an expert hacker 0r s0mething 0r i w0uld have f0und them a by n0w.  
JADE: i thought you could only get the files for people in the base.  
SOLLUX: the base, cl0se friends and family members are all kept l0gged in case 0f attacks.  
JADE: then why couldnt you find jake and tavros?  
SOLLUX: that was bef0re i g0t legal access t0 the l0gs.  
SOLLUX: kk said he w0uld have made me g0 back t0 guiding recruits if i accessed them s00ner.  
JAKE: I do recall roxy being an old pro at computers.  
SOLLUX: then they d0n't want t0 be f0und.  
JADE: isnt there anything we can do?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: sorry john. :(  
SOLLUX: but that als0 means they're n0t dead either, since they'd be 0n the cull lists.

Suddenly, the front door bursts open and two loud ghosts float in.

LATULA: Yo, w3'r3 h3r3!

She looks around the room and sees everyone's frowning and concerned faces.

LATULA: Wh4t h4pp3n3d?  
TAVROS: G-g-g-ghosts?!

He hides behind Sollux, cowering from the noisy party crashers.

JADE: tavros, these are solluxs parents, latula and mituna.  
TAVROS: Uncle sollux's parents are ghosts,,,?  
TAVROS: I suppose,,, that means you're my great aunt and great uncle,,, then,,,?  
LATULA: Just c4ll m3 4unt13 l4tula!  
TAVROS: O-okay,,,  
MITUNA: 5UCC MY 81LG3WH0R3!

Sollux moves away from their conversation to set the table

TAVROS: E-excuse me,,, what?

Mituna draws a sad picture of himself and hands it to Tavros, as well as everyone else.

LATULA: M1tun4 h4s 4 b1t of br41n d4m4g3, you s33.

She goes over to him and paps her husband until he calms down, then hands out happy pictures of himself.

LATULA: So wh4t h4pp3n3d 4nyw4y?  
JAKE: Oh, just a spot of bother on johns front.  
JADE: (maybe we shouldnt talk about it anymore.)

John sits on the sofa, looking like a sad lump.

MITUNA: 20RR  
JOHN: thor?  
MITUNA: 133.

He gives a picture of Latula to John. He's not really sure what it's supposed to mean, but it does distract him from his woes for a few minutes.

JOHN: thanks?

Tavros stares at Sollux set the table, all the cutlery he moves has a strange golden glow to it and the bees even seem to be helping him.

TAVROS: Y-you,,, folks seem quite,,, well,  
SOLLUX: stupid?  
TAVROS: That wasn't what i,,, was trying to say,

Sollux floats a can of beer over to John.

JOHN: oh, thank you.

Jade flies over to Sollux to check for any blood on his face.

JADE: theres no blood?! :o  
SOLLUX: the bees make it easier.  
JADE: so your training really is working?  
TAVROS: What training,,,?  
JADE: sollux used to bleed out when he used his powers but since we got the bees, he can levitate stuff for longer!  
JADE: here, mituna, we got some grubshanks before you arrived.

He draws several happy pictures of himself and hands them around.

JADE: its time to eat!

They gather around the table and look at what's in store for them. There's a large supply of mashed potatoes, mushy peas and gravy, with a side of soup.

TAVROS: Aunt jade, uncle sollux,,, this all looks quite delectable,,,!  
TAVROS: By the way,,, is that strange fellow, in the corner going to join us?  
JADE: thats parian, theyre our bodyguard and they normally eat and talk when they feel its safe.  
TAVROS: It's,,, not safe,,, now?  
JADE: it is!!  
TAVROS: Then wh-  
JAKE: *sniff* *sob*  
JADE: whats wrong? :(  
JAKE: You chaps have been so nice to my tavros! *sob*  
TAVROS: ,,, Father,,, you're em-em-embarrasing me,,,!  
JAKE: I dont know how to thank you!  
JADE: thats ok, thats what family is for!  
JAKE: I suppose you're right!

As they start to eat their meal, John can't help but think something's bugging him at the back of his head. How could everyone be so happy when he doesn't even know where or how Harry Anderson and Roxy are?

JOHN: i think this is all wrong.  
JADE: what do you mean??? :/  
JOHN: we need to find harry anderson!  
JADE: but sollux already said they cant be found!  
JOHN: did he even bother checking?  
JADE: of course he did!  
SOLLUX: i'll check again.

Twenty painful minutes pass, as Sollux combs the databases for any evidence of John's family.

JOHN: well?  
SOLLUX: i t0ld y0u bef0re, they're 0ff the grid.

Jade pats John's back.

JADE: at least we know where tavros and jake are!

John storms out into the hallway, not satisfied with the response.

JADE: oh no! :(  
JAKE: I'll track him down!  
SOLLUX: i'm 0n it.

He taps into his reserves and uses the rest of the bees to read deeper into the network for any evidence of their existence.

SOLLUX: the *ppfffh* 0nly thing i can find is a receipt f0r s0me sh0pping a m0nth ag0.

Sollux spits more blood out, to Jade's disdain.

JADE: please be more careful. :(

Tavros hands something over to Sollux, but he didn't get the chance to check what it was.

JADE: tavros, can you tell john we all miss harry anderson and roxy?  
TAVROS: ,,,Righto!

He runs off, following his father. Jade's too distracted by wounded Sollux to go off following everyone else.


	20. The Plan

A few days later, Karkat's invasion of the Carapacian's draws near.

JADE: i hope john is alright.  
SOLLUX: he has t0 be.  
KARKAT: WHERE IS HE?!  
JADE: hes down about harry anderson still.

Location: The conference hall and all but John have made it. Karkat, Jake, Jade, Sollux, Meenah, Vriska, Rose, Kanaya and (Vriska) are sat around a large table, planning their next move.

KARKAT: WE CAN'T KEEP ON WAITING AROUND FOR HIM!  
JAKE: Perhaps he can be out of this one.  
KARKAT: HE'S THE KEY TO OUR INVASION AND I CAN'T HAVE HIM MOPING AROUND!!  
VRISKA: Yeah, a8out that........  
VRISKA: Why does it matter if he's here or not?  
(VRISKA): You never ascended to godhood and honestly, you don't even know wh8 you're talking a8out!  
VRISKA: I've 8een apart of this war longer than you have!

Karkat slams his fist on the table to shut the bickering ceruleans up.

MEENAH: well nubs we better get started  
KARKAT: FINE.  
KARKAT: MEENAH AND (VRISKA), YOU SURROUND THE EAST SIDE.  
KAKRAT: IT'S THE MOST HEAVILY GUARDED AREA OF CARAPACIAN KINGDOM AND WITH YOU WILL BE A LARGE GHOST ARMY, CONSISTING OF EQUIUS', HORUSS', NEPETAS AND ARADIABOTS.  
MEENAH: yeah so how are the ghosts meant to harm crap  
VRISKA: ((Vriska), don't think I'm going to pull your fat ass out of the fire!)  
KARKAT: THEY'RE GOING TO DISTRACT EVERYONE WHILE OTHER GROUPS GET TO THEIR POSITIONS.  
KARKAT: NEXT UP ARE JAKE AND JADE WHO WILL TAKE THE SOUTHERN POINT, ALONG WITH HALF OF THE NON-GHOST SQUADREN.  
KARKAT: AFTER THAT IT'S VRISKA, ROSE AND KANAYA WHO WILL GO THROUGH THE NORTHERN UNIT.  
KARKAT: FINALLY, THE WEST WILL BE TAKEN BY ME AND THE REST OF THE NON-GHOST SQUADREN.  
JADE: what about the heal unit and the rest of the ghosts?  
KARKAT: JOHN WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.  
JADE: how about sollux does it?  
KARKAT: SOLLUX ISN'T GOING AND INSTEAD HE'LL KEEP TRACK OF OUR PROGRESS.  
ROSE: I will gladly take up John's mantle.  
VRISKA: Yeah, not like you need all three of us for that tiny unit.  
KARKAT: IN THAT CASE, ROSE SURROUND THE SKY WITH GHOSTS AND LOOK OUT FOR ANY INJURIES.  
KARKAT: FOR PHASE TWO, ONCE YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR POSITIONS, BLOCK ALL EXITS SO NO ONE CAN ESCAPE.

Karkat's surround and conquor approach doesn't surprise anyone.

KARKAT: ONCE THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF, I WILL NEGOTIATE WITH THE CARAPACIAN QUEEN TO DRAW OUT A TREATY.  
SOLLUX: kk are y0u sure this will w0rk?  
KARKAT: WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.

 

Meanwhile, with John, he's locked himself up in his room and tries to text a certain someone.

JOHN: terezi.  
JOHN: i hope you're still alive.  
JOHN: please come back.

Shortly after sending those texts, he gets a phone call.

JOHN: terezi?!  
MEENAH: youre still hung up on her huh  
JOHN: oh, i guess.  
JOHN: whats with the phone call?  
MEENAH: you never came to the meeting  
JOHN: that was to day?!  
MEENAH: yeah  
JOHN: ok, i'll be right there.

 

He hangs up and Meenah, still in the meeting confirms it.

MEENAH: johns back on  
SOLLUX: i'll add him back in.

By the time John gets there, everyone but Karkat has left.

JOHN: i didn't know i was this late.

 

Elsewhere, back home, with Jade and Sollux.

JADE: i cant believe its all happening next week! :o  
SOLLUX: i can.  
JADE: but you havent lost your powers.  
SOLLUX: n0t yet.  
JADE: and thers no word on jane invading!  
SOLLUX: n0t yet.  
JADE: you said it may not happen.  
SOLLUX: maybe n0t.  
JADE: you havent said much today.  
SOLLUX: i'm just thinking ab0ut when i can finally leave this shitth0le.  
JADE: dont be rude, kanaya and rose let us all live here through the kindness of their hearts!  
SOLLUX: rainb0w drinkers have beating hearts?  
JADE: probably!!  
SOLLUX: s0 y0u w0uld gladly live here f0rever?  
JADE: i want to move out to the middle of nowhere and have a garden again.  
SOLLUX: i just want t0 get 0ut 0f here.  
JADE: and go where?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w, anywhere.  
JADE: hoooow about you come with me??  
SOLLUX: i'm d0ne being a tag al0ng.  
JADE: ok grumpy gums, ill go with you instead!

She leans over, putting her face within kissing distance of Sollux.

SOLLUX: s0unds g00d.

He grabs Jade's hand and places it under his chin and she starts gently tickling it.

SOLLUX: pssshrrr.

Unfortunately, their fun is interrupted by a phone call.

JADE: umm, yeah, what is it?  
`JAKE: ,,,Sorry for being so forwrad, but,,, do you mind telling me my part of the war,,,?  
JADE: karkat already told you.  
`JAKE: I apologise for the tomfoolery,,, father won't allow me to,,, have my own phone,  
JADE: tavros, youre helping out uncle Sollux!  
JADE: but shouldnt jake have told you this?  
`TAVROS: Seems,,, he's been away for quite a while,,,!'  
SOLLUX: HURRY UP!  
`TAVROS: Oh bother,,, are you in the middle of something,,,?`  
JADE: not really, sollux just gets soooo grouchy!!  
`TAVROS: Speaking of,,, which unit is he stationed in,,,?`  
JADE: hes staying back here to keep track of everyone.  
`TAVROS: Oh,,, well i dont mind,,, keeping him company!`  
JADE: yeah, youre lucky!  
`TAVROS: By the by,,, has he by chance had a peek at his prezzie,,,?  
JADE: sollux, have you-  
SOLLUX: n0.  
JADE: well, we will look for it later.  
`TAVROS: Right,,, well, cheereo!`  
JADE: bye!

As soon as she hangs up, she continues with what she was doing with Sollux.

 

Karkat, now done with his lengthy meeting, sets up his other plan.

KARKAT: IS "IT" READY?  
`EQUIUS: D --> It may take a bit longer than first anticipated`

Karkat sighs a defeated sigh.

`EQUIUS: D --> Far be it from me to queary your leadership role`  
`EQUIUS: D --> Is it really suitable for you to cling on to such things`  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ON ABOUT?  
`EQUIUS: D --> I STRONGly advise you remove this hinderance`  
`EQUIUS: D --> You are our leader and a great one at that`  
KARKAT: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY STARTING THIS HEMOSPECTRIM SHIT AGAIN?!  
`EQUIUS: D --> That was not e%actly what I was trying to say`  
KARKAT: GET IT... *HIM* SET UP!  
`EQUIUS: D --> I still do not-`  
KARKAT: WE'VE BOTH LOST SOMEONE, YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!  
`EQUIUS: D --> I suppose I do`  
KARKAT: THEN HOW ABOUT YOU DO WHAT YOU'RE "SUPPOSED" TO DO!  
`EQUIUS: D --> Yes e%ulted leader`

Equius hangs up and begins the shelf his other projects.

EQUIUS: D --> Oh balderdash

 

Tavros, still concerned about where his father could have gone, wanders the halls, until he sees someone he's not interested in seeing.

VRISKA: Tavros?  
TAVROS: ,,, Uuuh,  
VRISKA: You werent at the meeting, (Vriska) had to warm your seat up all 8y herself!  
TAVROS: I wonder why,  
VRISKA: 8ecause of her massive love handles.  
VRISKA: Anyway, I guess it's 8een a while. ;;;;)  
TAVROS: ,,, i,,, suppose so,  
VRISKA: Don't tell me you're still that same old sticky wimp!  
TAVROS: W-w-what i do,,, (is none of your,,,)  
VRISKA: What was that?

She leans closer to Tavros.

TAVROS: Aren't,,, you and Harry Anderson,,, rather, well, together?  
VRISKA: Not since he flew the coop with his lame mom.  
TAVROS: Pity that,,, poor chap,  
VRISKA: Tell me about it!  
VRISKA: Theres noooooooo hot people to hang out with anymore!  
TAVROS: (The way you "hang out",,, no wonder!)  
VRISKA: Hahahaha!  
TAVROS: Wh-wh-wh-what's so,,, funny?  
VRISKA: Just that wimpy Tavros boosted himself up a spot.  
TAVROS: Uhhh,,, well i don't really know,,, anything about that,

Vriska puts her hand on his shoulder.

VRISKA: Do you have anything to say about this?

She leans in and begins biting down on his upper lip.

TAVROS: V-v-vriska,,, i have,,, well,,, i have had,,, qu-quite en-en-ough of,,, of,,, of,,, th-is!  
TAVROS: You,,, are,,, so mean,,,!  
TAVROS: And,,, well,,, well,,,  
TAVROS: So,,, very,,, s-so, v-very much,,, a huge p-pain,,, in my,,, s-side,,,!!!  
VRISKA: Aww, you're so cute when you're angry!

Vriska leans in once again, this time biting his lower lip.

TAVROS: And,,, well,,, i don't have any time,,, for our,,, shenanigans!  
VRISKA: W8, what are you saying?!  
TAVROS: I,,, cannot seem to,,, find father,,,!  
VRISKA: Is that it?  
VRISKA: I'll help you if you do me a favor.  
TAVROS: Um,,,  
VRISKA: 8esides, you often "wet missing" and he didn't give a shit a8out you!  
TAVROS: Because,,, he knew our,,, arrangements,  
VRISKA: OK, fine tall, gross and sticky, I'll help you!  
TAVROS: Didn't you,,, already say you would,,,?  
VRSIKA: W8ver, either way you owe me.

She jumps up on his back and rides him around like a horse.

TAVROS: Umm,,, does it have to be,,, i-in such an undignified,,, m-manner,,,?  
VRISKA: Of course it does!  
TAVROS: Oh,,,  
VRISKA: And gfs ride their 8fs, don't you see the movies?

 

Meanwhile, with (Vriska)...

(VRISKA): Terezi.  
(VRISKA): We need to talk.  
(VRISKA): How did you get out?


	21. The Executi0n - Part 1

The day of the war is at hand. Everyone is on their way to their positions, everyone except... John? No, this time it's Jake!

TAVROS: If,,, father doesn't get there soon,,,! The plan will be,,, r-ruined!  
SOLLUX: jd, h0w's it g0ing?  
`JADE: Weeeell, Meenah and (Vriska) are almost done and there's no sign of jake anywhere!! :(`  
`KARKAT: ROSE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE OVER FOR JAKE.`  
`???: FrIZZAK`  
SOLLUX: 0w!  
`JADE: My ears!!!`  
`JAKE: Sorry about that, am i late?`  
`KARKAT: VERY!`  
TAVROS: Father,,, where have you,,, been?  
`JAKE: I went out for a bit of a stroll and got lost.`  
`KARKAT: WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LATER, JUST GET GOING!`

Jake and Jade fly up to a tall balcony. They both take out rifles and fill them with tranquilizers.

JAKE: This reminds me of the good old days!  
JADE: (shhh! we dont want anyone to know were here!)  
JAKE: (Oh yes, youre quite right.)

They lie down, to remain hidden and fire at anyone who comes near them, to set up the next part of the plan.

JADE: (lanest, karkat said you need to find another balcony.)  
LANEST: OH YEAH, I'm still new to this job!  
JADE: (shhh!!!)

Lanest noisily activates their rocket gloves and a whole squadron of Carapacian guards chase after him.

JADE: (for fucks sake!!)  
JADE: (umm... deslad, you should go after him.)  
DESLAD: (SurE miSSES.)

She goes off in a more quiet manner, chasing her companion.

JAKE: (Hahaha.)  
JADE: (what are you laughing at?)  
JAKE: (Oh, just taking a trip down memory lane.)  
`KARKAT: NEED I REMIND YOU TO DO YOUR JOB?!`  
JADE: (we need to snipe everything a lot faster now...)  
`MEENAH: since we finished out job in pmuch record time i guess we could shellfishly help you guys out`  
`MEENAH: i mean it was so fast it aint even worth mentionin`  
JADE: (ok, sounds good)

Meenah and (Vriska) quickly meet up with her.

JADE: heres some rifles

They all fire at the Carapacians, surrounding them, hoping Vriska, Kanaya and Rose will be done soon. However, it seems that they're having issues too.

  
VRISKA: Hey, so no one is here!  
`KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ONE IS THERE?!`  
VRISKA: The whole place is completely unguarded!!!!!!!!  
`KARKAT: SOLLUX.`  
`SOLLUX: hate t0 say this, but she seems t0 be right.`  
`KARKAT: THEN WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GO?!`  
ROSE: It certainly is a mystery.  
VRISKA: No duh, mom!  
`TAVROS: E-excuse me,,, i don't wish to,,, intrude on your conversation,,,`  
`TAVROS: However,,, aunt Jade, father, aunt Meenah and (Vriska) are currently,,, in urgent need of,,, assistance,`  
VRISKA: Figures, fattie gets to have all the fun!

The three quickly run through the empty halls, on their way to the action. 

VRISKA: Mom, what's taking you so long?!  
KANAYA: I Do Not Believe It

She stares in shock, for there's someone VERY familiar just around the corner.

  
`SOLLUX: jd, there's an 0pening t0 the west.`  
JADE: ok everyone, this way!

They fly around for a while, but quickly get lost.

JADE: sooo, where next?  
`SOLLUX: the sec0nd right, then the f0urth left, f0ll0wed by the first left, then straight 0n until y0u reach the cafeteria and fr0m then...`  
JADE: errm... maybe one at a time?  
JADE: plus were flying so i dont even know where the cafe is!  
`SOLLUX: here's a tip: land.`

  
John starts to lose track of everything and wonders if he's even needed at all.

JOHN: karkat...  
`KARKAT: WHAT, WHY HAVEN'T YOU SURROUNDED THE SKIES YET?!`  
JOHN: you never said when i should go, and the plan... is so vague.  
JOHN: it's almost like you're distracted by some thing.  
`KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!`  
JOHN: or maybe you aren't taking the carapacians seriously.  
JOHN: kind of like how you treat some of us?  
`KARKAT: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!`  
JOHN: i get being a leader is hard and it REALLY sucks!  
JOHN: but the war has... changed you into-  
`TAVROS: P-please, uncle John,,, stop fighting!`  
`TAVROS: Y-y-you seem to,,, always,,, find a way to,,,`  
`SOLLUX: shit 0n every0ne's life ch0ices.`  
JOHN: and everyone... sorta just enables you, karkat.  
`SOLLUX: i kn0w what y0u mean, but y0u better get 0ut 0f there bef0re kk bl0ws an0ther fuse.`

John turns off his phone, so he doesn't see the outcome.

  
Back with Jade...

JADE: sollux, where next?  
JADE: ... hello?  
`SOLLUX: i was busy with m0re kk stuff.`  
`SOLLUX: take a left turn at... hmm.`  
JADE: wheres "hmm"?

She looks above and stares at the ghosts, that block the sky.

MEENAH: bout fuckin time  
JADE: (vriska), you havent been saying much.  
(VRISKA): Not much to say t8h.

A very loud growl can be heard from Karkat's phone.

MEENAH: man not again  
JADE: where do i need to go again?  
`SOLLUX: 0ne sec...`

  
And again, back with Vriska, Rose and Kanaya.

VRISKA: Yo voidy, there's a pro8lem.  
`SOLLUX: i kn0w.`  
VRISKA: 8ut not the one I said 8efore.  
VRISKA: Since you can't see I guess I have to explain this shit to you.  
`TAVROS: Well,,, he knows,,,`  
VRISKA: 8ecause you told him, I always knew you weren't as stupid as you looked!  
`TAVROS: ,,, Suure,,, definitely,,, that,`  
VRISKA: Anyway, how the hell are we going to explain Harry Anderson and Roxy being here?!

She looks at her moms, seemingly acting like nothing is out of the ordinary at all.

ROSE: How on Earth did you get here?  
ROXY: lol should say the same about you tbh  
ROXY: guessin youre a part of that huge af warnin about how theres a bunch of people tryin to take over  
KANAYA: And How Do You Have Any Expertise On That It Was Supposed To Be Covert  
ROXY: jane told me and said it was safer for w/e reason  
VRISKA: Safer than what?  
HARRY ANDERSON: hi vriska!  
VRISKA: Hey?  
ROXY: anywhere i didnt want you to be out there but i wasnt allowed to speak to you  
ROXY: you know how janey is  
`SOLLUX: h0w the *fuck* did the batterbitch tell y0u anything?!`  
ROXY: those logs are hushhush rn but bein the best hacker around i got around it  
`SOLLUX: *ahem*`  
VRISKA: Quiet voidy, this is the super o8vious part where roxy reveals it was jake all along!  
ROXY: actually no  
ROXY: (harry anderson cover your ears)  
HARRY ANDERSON: again mom?  
ROXY: (yes)  
ROXY: it was tavros  
`TAVROS: ,,,uuurm,,, i can,,, explain,,,?`  
VRISKA: It 8ETTER 8e good!

As she says it, she starts blocking him and any form of contact he can speak to her in.

`TAVROS: Y-you see,,, after father,,, died,,, h-he,,,`  
`TAVROS: ,,,never,,, c-came,,, back to life and i w-waited and,,, waited,`  
`TAVROS: So,,, i spoke to mother,,, and i begged her to,,, bring father back,,,!`  
`TAVROS: Unfortunately,,, mother said,,, she would only,,, bring father back i-if i,,, did something in return,`  
`TAVROS: A-after that,,, i could never l-look at my,,, father the same,,, way again,`  
`TAVROS: i,,, am so terrible sorry,,, i,,, *rrrumble*`  
`TAVROS: W-what,,, is that sound,,,?`  
HARRY ANDERSON: can i uncover my ears now?  
ROXY: yes were done talkin  
`TAVROS: o-oh,,, d-d-d-dear,,,`  
HARRY ANDERSON: tavros!  
`TAVROS: erm,,,`  
HARRY ANDERSON: long time no hear haha!  
`TAVROS: ,,, what?`  
VRISKA: Oh my god Harry Anderson, you are soooooooo dense!  
`TAVROS: *rrrmmmb*`  
`SOLLUX: *reeemmmbbl*`  
HARRY ANDERSON: what did you eat?!

  
Several facepalms later, Sollux gets back in contact with Jade, after putting her on hold for longer than expected.

JADE: Sollux, where are you?!  
`SOLLUX: change 0f *plans*!`  
JADE: ok karkat, hahaha.  
`SOLLUX: get back t0 the base asap, this wh0le thing is a dec0y!`  
JADE: karkat used us as decoys?  
`SOLLUX: n0t him, the batterbitch!`  
`SOLLUX: *S0ME0NE* leaked all 0f 0ur plans and n0w the base it under attack!  
JADE: what?! OH NO! :(

Tavros remains silent through the whole exchange, wanting to remain hidden.

JADE: should i tell everyone else?  
`SOLLUX: vriska, kanaya and r0se already kn0w ,*shit*!`  
`SOLLUX: *rrrmmmbbl*`  
JADE: sollux?

Unfortunately, a chunk of the ceiling falls in and breaks Sollux's phone.

TAVROS: w-what should,,, we do,,,,,,?

Just outside of the door, the sound of footsteps can be heard.

TAVROS: O-oh,,, no!!  
SOLLUX: (shh!)

Closer and closer they get, the two of them hoping whoever it is, goes away.

TAVROS: (i think,,, they're gone,)

The door violently swings open and two armored men, human men carrying guns march in.

MAN 1: Well, well, well... look at what we have here! A mutant blood and...  
MAN 2: No you dolt, that's a disguise! It's a GOLD blood!  
MAN 1: This just got... interesting.

The second man looks at the trembling person behind him and quickly puts away his gun.

MAN 1: What are you doing?! That thing has optic blasts!  
MAN 2: That thing's probably a rotter anyway.  
MAN 1: So?  
MAN 2: So look at the person behind him!  
MAN 1 : Aw... hehe, you're quite right!  
TAVROS: W-w-what are you,,, g-going t-to do,,, to us,,,?  
MAN 1: To you? Not a thing.

The two men begin taking photos of the two and send them to the media, titling the photos under "Gold blood kidnaps Tavros Crocker!"

MAN 1: Come now, your mommy's worried.  
TAVROS: N-no,,,!  
MAN 2: Looks like the poor fellow's brainwashed.  
MAN 1: Oh yes, definitely.

The duo start taking more videos and photos, while forcibly pulling him away from Sollux. They of course, make themselves look like the heroes, while blaming Sollux for the whole ordeal.

TAVROS: U-uncle Sollux,,, please, help!!! *sob*

Sollux clenches his fists and orders the bees to sting the men.

MAN 1: Ahh... the bees!  
MAN 2: They're in my eyes!!

They lie knocked out, at least for now.

TAVROS: U-uncle,,, *sob*,,, thank you!

Two more sets of strange footprints begin moving towards the apartment.

MAN 3: I swear I heard something!  
MAN 4: Yeah, well this place IS pretty creepy!  
MAN 4: Imagine how many disgusting things Trolls did in here!

SOLLUX: (tavr0s, stay here)  
TAVROS: (wait... here)

He hands the prezzie over that somehow got lost between the sofa cushions.

SOLLUX: (what?)  
TAVROS: (M-maybe you could use it,,,?)  
SOLLUX: (a cane?)

Tavros imaginings Sollux using it like a blind master, doing crazy back flips and somersaults.

TAVROS: (Use it to,,, BEAT,,, THEM,,, UP!)  
TAVROS: (Sorry,,, for being so forward,)

MAN 3: You know, you guys are awful LOUD for folks who don't want to be found!  
MAN 4: Augh, gross!  
SOLLUX: 0ptic...

He fakes the two out by lifting his eyepatch up.

MAN 3: What the hell?! Don't you need two of the things?  
SOLLUX: blast!

A loud siren comes out of the box Sollux installed in the hallway, alerting other Trolls on the floor that there's intruders.

MAN 4: AW FUCK! STUPID SNEAKY TROLL TACTICS!!

The Trolls quickly run out to see what's going on.

MAN 3: RRG!  
SOLLUX: cease.

The siren instantly stops and the men begin to go back to their senses.

MAN 3: Haha, what? These guys are as worthless as this void rot!

He looks around at the unfortunate victims of war and grins.

SHUUSH: *mumble*  
SHORPA: oooh NO no NO no!  
SHORPA: DONT you DARE harm HIM!  
SHUUSH: *mumble, mumble*  
SHORPA: aaah! EVERYONE get THEM away FROM sollux!

She whacks her stick against one of the intruders and they give her their whole attention.

MAN 4: Eww, gross, yuck! What?! No! Get away from me!  
SHORPA: TAKE that AND that AND that!  
MAN 4: Ahhh! Why are there so many void rots here?!  
MAN 3: What the hell, look at what you did to him!

More and more blind Trolls go towards the screaming men and surround them.

MAN 4: AHHHH! SO DISGUSTING! SO... CREEPY!!

Sollux moves up the stairs and hears a similar commotion going on.


	22. The Executi0n - Part 2

JAKE: I hope tavros is doing well.  
JADE: me too!

John looks over and sees the two of them leaving.

JOHN: where are you going?  
JADE: john, theres a huge change of plans.  
JADE: tavros and sollux are in trouble!  
JADE: were going back, while (vriska) and meenah tell karkat.

Ghosts all over begin healing the knocked out Carapacians, not really sure of what to do or who to heal.

JOHN: ok, i'm leaving too.  
JOHN: this whole fight is just... a huge mess to begin with.

So the three set off, noticing the surrounding areas are a lot more bombed and wrecked than usual.

JADE: (please be ok, pleeeease be ok!)  
JAKE: I'm sure they will be, tavros is a brawler at heart!

  
Meanwhile, with Karkat, (Vriska) and Meenah.

KARKAT: THEY DID *WHAT*?!?!  
MEENAH: its coz the base is in danger  
KARKAT: RRRGH!  
MEENAH: the batterbitch played us like a string instrument

Kakrat freaks out, making a lot of strange poses as he does so.

(VRISKA): I 8elieve John just left his post too.  
KARKAT: HOW THE HELL?!

He looks in the distance and sees two familiar people.

ROXY: surprise.

  
Back on Sollux's end of things, he climbs more stairs and some of the void rots follow him.

MAN 5: Hey, what are you doing?!

Shorpa and others start climbing on top of the men and begin draining their energy.

MAN 6: I did NOT sign up for this!  
MAN 5: These things are worse than rainbow drinkers!  
MAN 7: Hey, where do you think *you're* going?!

He points at Sollux and he turns around.

SOLLUX: bees.  
MAN 7: No no no!  
SOLLUX: attack.  
MAN 7: AAAUGH!  
MAN 5: These guys are unsto...(p... able...)

  
The Grand Commander and her fleet repeatedly attack most sides of the Troll's base, except for one of the side entrances.

GRAND COMMANDER: General, how are my plans fairing?  
GENERAL: Well you see, there is one sliiight snag.  
GRAND COMMANDER: I'm in a good mood.  
GENERAL: Well yes, so you see...  
GRAND COMMANDER: Out with it already, I'm a very busy woman!  
GENERAL: Of course, Grand Commander!  
GENERAL: Some of the Trolls in the base have begun to rally against our men.  
GRAND COMMANDER: You promised me only crippled and powerless Trolls would be there today, now did you LIE to me General?

She stares at the poor General with intimidating eyes.

GENERAL: No, no, my assessment was completely accurate!  
GRAND COMMANDER: Then what is the problem?  
GENERAL: Some of the void rots are being led by a "Soeloocks Kahptore" and have already knocked out men one through seven.  
GRAND COMMANDER: Is that it? I have plenty more men at my disposal.  
GENERAL: There's something else too.  
GENERAL: This Soeloocks has... your son.

The General hands over a picture of one of the since knocked out men trying to drag Tavros back to the base.

GENERAL: We fear the Trolls may have brainwashed him.

A tear goes down Grand Commander's cheek and she quickly wipes it away.

GENERAL: I am... SO, so sorry.  
GRAND COMMANDER: It matters not, we can get more men to snap him out of it.  
GENERAL: Yes, of course!

The Grand Commander begins texting Jake and ignores anything else the General has to say.

JANE: Our son has been kidnapped.  
JANE: How could you let this happen?!  
`JAKE: Sorry?`  
`JAKE: I thought he was at the trolls base.`  
JANE: Jakey, our son has been brainwashed by them! He won't return home! :'(  
`JAKE: He is mighty fond of uncle sollux!`  
JANE: This just will not do!  
`JAKE: Pardon?`  
JANE: These Trolls won't stop robbing me of house and home! :'(  
JANE: Next thing I know they will start convincing Roxy and Harry Anderson to join in their suspicious activities!  
`JAKE: Errm...`  
JANE: Oh how deplorable!!  
JANE: I try to be a good ruler, but these nasty Trolls keep on...

Jade looks at Jake's phone.

JADE: Who are you texting? :B  
JAKE: Oh well, you know... the in laws.  
JADE: You HAVE no in laws!  
JADE: Well I guess except for Roxy, Rose, Kanaya and Harry Anderson.  
JAKE: Precisely.  
`JANE: How about you come back and we end them all together!`  
JAKE: ...  
`JANE: Now's not the time for cold feet!`  
`JANE: I'm starting to think you're siding with these... vile creatures! :'(`  
`JANE: Please don't leave your poor wife behind.`  
JAKE: O...k then.  
`JANE: Took you long enough, now tell Tavros to get back to the ship!`

Jake sighs and looks down depressingly at his phone.

JADE: what happened?  
JAKE: Nothing.  
JADE: hmm, i hope sollux is ok.  
JAKE: I hope that scamp is doing well too.  
JADE: scamp?  
JAKE: Just pondering out loud.

The two look just over the horizon and see a huge fleet of imperial ships, surrounding the base.

JADE: oh no, look at what shes done! :(

Jade quickly flies past the drones and starts shrinking the needlessly large weapons.

CAPTAIN: What are you staring at?! Get her!

More men come out of the ships and begin to fire at her. Unfortunately for them, Jade skillfully dodges the incoming bullets and shrinks down their weapons.

CAPTAIN: What the hell?! First the void rot rebellion and now this?!  
JADE: what?? :o

Jade flies over towards the entrance of the base, but it's completely covered over by rubble.

JADE: sollux? SOLLUX!!

She flies around to the side of the base and examines more of it.

JADE: is... anyone there?

Some of the rubble begins moving and out of it comes wounded soldiers, covered in bee stings.

MAN 5: Shit, not this again!  
JADE: w-what?  
MAN 5: I'm done! Just do whatever, I don't care!  
JADE: i wont hurt you, if you tell me where sollux is.  
MAN 5: That nut job?! He's probably gone back to sting more of us!  
JADE: what? :/  
MAN 5: He's insane, if you know any better, you better get away, quickly!  
JADE: and... tavros?  
MAN 5: Him? Wow, poor kid got lured into his mind control or someshit, I'm outta here!

The men walk away, avoiding any more combat.

JADE: :/

Even more people move out of the rubble, this time it's seemingly a part of the voidrot rebellion.

JADE: what is going on?!  
SHORPA: OH id RECOGNIZE that VOICE anywhere!  
SHORPA: SOLLUX is JUST on HIS way.  
JADE: who are you???  
SHORPA: A part OF the REBELLION!  
SHORPA: us VOIDROTS must STICK together!  
JADE: err... right.  
JADE: but i dont reeeally understand.  
SHORPA: WELL we HAVE had ENOUGH and HAVE finally DECIDED to STAND up FOR voidrot KIND!  
SHUUSH: *mumble*  
SHORPA: more OF them?!

Shuush leads Shorpa over to more soldiers and begins draining.

Jade looks on, not really sure how it all escalated so quickly, but her thoughts are interrupted by even more shifting rubble.

TAVROS: T-that was,,, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G,,,!!!  
JADE: tavros! sollux!  
SOLLUX: hey jd.  
JADE: what HAPPENED?!  
SOLLUX: just s0me shit with an invasi0n.  
JADE: the one... you predicted.  
JADE: but that also means youll lose your powers... :(  
SOLLUX: maybe.  
SOLLUX: i w0uldn't w0rry ab0ut it tbh.  
JADE: why not???!  
SOLLUX: i guess i'm m0re 0k with it that usual.  
JADE: the soldiers said a looot of really weird stuff about you! :o  
TAVROS: B-because,,, he was protecting me,,, and beating them up,,,!

Jade goes over to Sollux and gives him a big hug.

JADE: im so glad youre not hurt, though. both of you!

They walk away from the rubble, unaware of a few onlooker's scheming.

JADE: better tell the others about this.

She pulls out her phone and when she's completely off guard, an enemy captain grabs a mini rocket launcher and fires at Sollux.

TAVROS: ,,,SHIT,,,!

But it's too late, Jade turns around and the man she loves has been hit with a direct shot, for the heart.

JADE ... i... y-... HOW COULD YOU?! >:(

She moves closer to the captain, green energy begins to warp the ground around her.

JADE: GRRRR!

She glares at him and she begins to transform into doghood mode. The captain ducks, trying to protect himself from her. Too late.

JADE: MUWAHAHAHAHA!!  
TAVROS: A-aunt?

A few men gather around Tavros and begin dragging him back to the main ship, while she's preoccupied by their captain.

TAVROS: H-help,,,!

Jades leaps into the air, aiming directly for Tavros' destination and manages to spot Jane at the front of the ship.  
She crashes through the ship's front window, then grabs Jane by the collar, holding her by the neck.

GRAND COMMANDER: *gasp* G-get th- *choke* ca-m...

Instantly, the soldiers who surround her pull out their phones and begin filming.

JADE: you're so *CONCERNED* with your stupid image that you dont even CARE about all the lives youve stolen?! GRRRR!  
JADE: WELL GUESS WHAT?!

She bares her teeth and begins whispering in Jane's ear.

JADE: (im YOUR villain now!! >:( )

She tosses Jane out of the window and she plummets quickly to the ground.

JADE: you dont need those things anymore!

She shrinks everything in the ship en-mass, but ignores the soldiers.

TAVROS: Aunt jade, what,,, are you doing to the ship,,,?!

She picks Tavros up and shrinks the whole ship down to the size of a toy plane.

TAVROS: Th,,, there were *people* on there,,,! *sob*  
JADE: you heard that i said.

Jade doesn't stop her mass shrinking frenzy, until parts of the fleet fly away, which is when she changes tactics.

JADE: muwahahahaha!  
TAVROS: N,,, noooo! Stop it!  
JADE: its what villains do!!

Jade slashes through the ships, without caring for all the lives on board, for she knows that Dave and Jane wouldn't care either.

TAVROS: U-uncle Sollux wouldn't,,, want you t-to,,, do this,

The mere mention of his name drives her further crazy. Jade targets ground troops and has fun levitating them high up into the air and watching them plummet.

JADE: MUWAHAHAHA!!!

The rest of the cavalry arrive to see the commotion.

KARKAT: WHAT THE LITERAL *FUCK* JADE?!

Rose, (Vriska) and Meenah all go up and grab her.

JADE: GRRRR! LET GO OF ME!  
ROSE: Please, think about what you're doing.  
(VRISKA): Yo John, would 8e pretty nice of you to give us some help!

He flies up and instinctively punches Jade's lights out.

TAVROS: AUUGH,,,! F-falling,,,!  
MEENAH: gotcha

Jade falls to the ground and then starts to crawl towards Sollux. She gets closer and closer, her vision lost to tears as she reaches out to him, only to lose consciousness a few inches away.


	23. Self Impr0vement

JADE: AAAGH! *gasp*  
DOCTER: Ah zee you ave woken ahp.  
JADE: where... what?  
DOCTER: You ave been out cold for about a day, that fight really took it out of you, non?  
JADE: ugggh... that really happened? :(  
DOCTER: Non need to fret, you are in the ospital, or at leazt what'z left of eet.

Jade looks at her hands, which are completely bandaged up, probably for her own good.

DOCTER: We are not ready to take zem off yet.  
DOCTER: Alzo, zere is zome good newz.  
DOCTER: Zollux, zeemz to ave managed to zurvive iz terrible ordeal, but only time will tell.  
JADE: really?! :o where is he?!  
DOCTER: Ee iz currently undergoing zurgery.  
JADE: ok, ill wait until he gets out!  
DOCTER: Eet could take quite a while zough.  
DOCTER: I am zorry, but mozt of iz... inzidez ave... ad a lot of damage done to zem.  
JADE: oh... :(  
ROKTOR: Ey, scuzzie me, but you havea visita.

Jade looks at the visitor and hides her head under the blanket.

JOHN: hey jade?  
JADE: mmmph...  
JOHN: sorry i had to knock you out.  
JOHN: i guess thats kind of my thing?  
JADE: i dont care about that.  
JADE: i made a complete and utter fool of myself in front of everyone!  
JOHN: well, it's not really your fault.  
JADE: yes it is!!  
JOHN: this world brings out the worst in everyone.  
JADE: john, for once can we actually be on the same page?  
JOHN: what do you mean?  
JADE: every time i get together with someone, youre against it and now youre acting like all the bad things i just did, didnt even happen!  
JOHN: that was a day ago, but i get your point.  
JADE: im glad sollux is still alive, but i cant even... i dont think i could even look at him!  
JADE: and poor, poor tavros! :'(  
JADE: you want to know the worst part???  
JADE: i really enjoyed it!  
JOHN: jade, maybe you're being too harsh on yourself?  
JADE: really john?! i killed like 10,000 *PEOPLE* yesterday!!  
JADE: including jane!  
JOHN: oh... well actually, jane escaped.  
JADE: MMMGH!

Jade lifts the covers up, to let John look at her.

JADE: youre probably the only one who even wants to talk to me.  
JOHN: that's not true.  
JOHN: everyone's just being extra busy!  
JADE: john... wheres tavros staying?  
JOHN: back with jake, why?  
JADE: then can i stay with you?  
JADE: i reelly dont want to be alone and i cant... be around anyone else.  
JOHN: oh... that may be a problem.  
JADE: i get it, you dont want a psycho in your apartment.  
JOHN: that's not it, just that... i have people over.  
JADE: *great* and this HAD to be the one time you became mr. popular!  
JOHN: hahaha!  
JADE: that wasnt a joke! >:(  
JOHN: i know, it's just funny.  
JOHN: this is the one time we actually get to speak to each other, like REALLY speak.  
JADE: without you being mr. complains a lot?  
JOHN: yeah!  
JOHN: i'm sorry about sollux, and what you're going through.  
JADE: and what i did to others. :(

He shuffles through his bag and hands Jade a card.

JOHN: i talk to this person sometimes.  
JADE: a therapist?! :O  
JADE: i never in a MILLION sweeps would have thought youd be the kind of person to go to a therapist!  
JADE: oops, that sounded like an insult, didnt it?  
JOHN: no, i get it, i dont usually think about that stuff.  
JADE: you mean your inner self?  
JOHN: yeah, that.  
JADE: so who do you have over?  
JOHN: my son and roxy.  
JADE: how did you find them?! :o  
JOHN: they were hiding in the carapacian kingdom the whole time.  
JADE: oh, so wait, are you... back together?

John pauses for a few minutes.

JOHN: pr...obably not, she's just visiting and we're dealing with legal things.  
JADE: oh, i get it.  
JOHN: i still want harry anderson in my life, but after the bombing, roxy seems... really adamant on not letting him stay.  
JOHN: man, being an adult sucks!  
JADE: i know right... :/  
JADE: is... tavros at least ok?  
JOHN: yeah, actually he won't stop talking about sollux!  
JADE: oh yeah, he turned out to be such a hero, yet i...  
JOHN: jade, i think you should go see them.

He points at the card.

JADE: youre right.  
JOHN: you can eat dinner with us if you want.  
JADE: no thanks, id rather just eat here instead aaand i dont think i can leave yet, thinking about it.  
ROKTOR: Scuzzie me, visiting hours are ova.  
JOHN: bye jade!  
JADE: bye...

She watches her brother leave and then she slumps down on the bed.

JADE: when can these be taken off?

She points to one of her wrapped up hands.

ROKTOR: Iya believe nota quite yet.  
JADE: (but they dont... even hurt.)  
ROKTOR: By the way, what do you, havea there?  
JADE: something john gave me, its for a therapist... i guess i need it, huh?  
ROKTOR: Nirsee Hilpmi, cana you book jade ina for a therapist?  
NIRSEE: ook then.

They both leave and Jade wonders if she made the right choice.

 

Parian wanders the remains of the halls and helps others move the rocks and boulders out of the way.

ROXY: thnx, youve been really helpful!  
PARIAN: I-don't-really-have-much-else-to-do.  
PARIAN: The-two-people-I'm-meant-to-bodyguard-are-stuck-in-the-hospital.  
ROXY: yeah, jade and that sox guy  
PARIAN: His-name-is-Sollux.  
HARRY ANDERSON: can you shut up about him?!  
ROXY: harry anderson eggbert! no slurs!  
HARRY ANDERSON: sorry mom... just tavros is so weird about how obsessed he is with that guy.  
HARRY ANDERSON: not like he's as cool as vriska or anything...  
PARIAN: His-victory-was-mostly-a-political-one-which-is-probably-why-tavros-has-taken-such-a-liking-to-him.  
HARRY ANDERSON: politics, schmolitics aunt jade still beat up more guys!  
PARIAN: I-wouldn't-talk-about-it-in-front-of her.  
HARRY ANDERSON: why not?  
ROXY: cuz some people dont like to be reminded of their victories!  
HARRY ANDERSON: that's... so dumb!  
PARIAN: Sometimes-they-contain-things-you-regret.  
HARRY ANDERSON: like what?  
PARIAN: Like-kil--

Roxy stops them from finishing what they're about to say.

ROXY: like not wanting to annoy people by saying the same stories over and over!  
HARRY ANDERSON: oh... tavros keeps on doing that.  
ROXY: exactly!  
ROXY: now its time for the grown ups to speak about things.  
HARRY ANDERSON: mom, i'm 16!  
ROXY: how about u go and see vriska?  
HARRY ANDERSON: ok mom, i'll go.

They watch him walk off.

PARIAN: I-may-be-a-bodyguard-but-you-protect-him-too-much.  
ROXY: u can never b 2 careful these days  
PARIAN: I-did-fail-in-my-duety-but-i-feel-he-should-at-least-know-the-truth.  
PARIAN: Lying-can-only-protect-him-for-so-long.  
ROXY: thats what john keeps on sayin  
PARIAN: And-he-could-be-right.  
PARIAN: But-he-may-be-just-as-guilty-as-you-by-coddling-him-so-much.  
ROXY: so like you overprotected soxlox?  
PARIAN: I-did'nt-protect-him-enough.  
PARIAN: Him-or-Jade.  
PARIAN: But-i-believe-there-is-a-fine-line-between-overprotection-and-negligence.  
ROXY: thats some deep af stuff!  
ROXY: u kind of remind me of my mom or what i knew about her  
ROXY: but at the same time i think harry anderson should b protected from all the shit in the world  
PARIAN: Maybe-i-could-help-you-with-that.  
PARIAN: I-don't-mind-telling-him.  
ROXY: nah, hes my son  
PARIAN: Then-you-will-speak-to-him?  
PARIAN: Or-would-you-prefer-Vriska-to-tell-him?  
ROXY: well probs b leaving soon  
PARIAN: Maybe-you-could-start-with-telling-him-why.  
ROXY: ur being pretty pushed w that  
PARIAN: Sorry-I-feel-like-if-i-was-more-vocal-around-Sollux-and-Jade-they-would'nt-have-seen-me-as-such-a-stranger.  
PARIAN: I-am-practicing-being-more-assertive-on-you-sorry-if-I-went-too-far.  
PARIAN: However-they-may-not-need-my-services-anymore.  
ROXY: ur gettin fired?  
PARIAN: No-I-heard-from-one-the-doctors-that-Sollux-is-getting-cybernetic-implants.  
PARIAN: He-can-take-care-of-himself-now.  
ROXY: wow thats pretty damn cold they cant just throw u out like that  
PARIAN: It's-not-up-to-them-it's-up-to-Commander-Vantas.  
PARIAN: Without-anyone-to-guard-I'm-out-of-a-job.  
ROXY: there has 2 b loads of people around here that need protecting  
PARIAN: Most-already-have-guards-of-their-own.  
ROXY: that sux

She looks down the corridor and spots John.

ROXY: so how wus jade?  
JOHN: physically... she's fine.  
JOHN: where's harry anderson?  
ROXY: hes hanging with vriska atm  
JOHN: oh... he's staying then?  
ROXY: not without a way 2 make sure hes def safe  
JOHN: and there doesn't seem to be many bodyguards around here...  
PARIAN: Actually-...


	24. Jade Seeks Help (T0tal T0nal Whiplash)

Jade goes to her therapist for the first time. She looks at his wooden door, which looks heavily battered.  
The door opens and a tall Troll covered in makeup comes out.

APHIST: Miss Harley I presume?  
JADE: y-yes.  
APHIST: Won't you please come in.

He takes her to the patients' chair.

APHIST: I understand you Have a few anGer issues, is tHat correct?  
JADE: yeah... i mean, i killed so many people and when i saw sollux... shot at... i couldnt think straight!  
JADE: i was so angry!  
APHIST: And tHat's a perfectly normal emotion to feel.

Jade looks disappointed in herself.

APHIST: But we don't Have to talk about that rigHt now.  
APHIST: How about you tell me about your past?  
JADE: dont they teach that in schools?  
APHIST: It can be from any point in your past, not necessarily your cHildhood.  
JADE: for a while i was married to dave... but he left me.  
JADE: john was always against us marrying, so was karkat.  
JADE: i guess they were right. :(  
APHIST: I'm sorry you feel that way.  
JADE: i used to talk to sollux about this stuff, but...  
JADE: im afraid of what hell think of me.  
JADE: john and the doctors and nurses act like what i did was no big deal!  
APHIST: It sounds like a big deal to you.  
JADE: thats because it is!  
JADE: i feel like whenever i get to do things my way, i alllways end up screwing up!  
JADE: like im only good as a puppet for someone else...  
APHIST: WHy do you think tHat?  
JADE: because the other me from that other universe is a *literal* puppet!  
APHIST: OtHer... universe?  
JADE: john keeps on going on about how this universe brings out the worst side of everyone, does that mean i ONLY have a bad side?!?!  
APHIST: RrrigHt... so tHis "otHer" self makes you feel wortHless and unwortHwHile?  
JADE: yes!  
APHIST: You seem to Have many friends wHo all tHink you are wortHwHile.  
JADE: sollux never cared about it, but i cant help but think about what im worth in the grand scheme of things.  
JADE: he never even wanted to get involved and was forced here.  
JADE: i... just wanted to be happy, but im not sure if i ever can be?  
JADE: i just find a way to push people away and im scared thatll happen to sollux too.  
APHIST: WHicH is wHat I'm Here for.  
JADE: sooo how are you going to help me??  
APHIST: If it's not too difficult for you, can you tell me about your ex?  
JADE: well... i thought he was great, but...  
JADE: actually, i have been thinking about him more recently, especially when i... killed those poor people. :(  
JADE: i couldnt stop thinking about him or jane, they wouldnt have cared!  
JADE: the way... she cares so much about her own image, instead of the people who work for her and sollux...  
APHIST: I see tHat Dave and Jane botH must Have really Hurt you.  
APHIST: Also, you keep on defaultinG to the incident.  
JADE: sorry.

She twiddles her thumbs.

APHIST: No need to apologize.  
JADE: i never really got over him.  
APHIST: WHo?  
JADE: dave... i never got to say goodbye or give his ring back or throw it in his face!  
JADE: he just left like i was... nothing.  
JADE: i wish i got to say something to him.  
APHIST: If you could say antHing to Him now, wHat would it be?  
JADE: you... ASSHOLE!!! >:(  
APHIST: You want some closure with Him?  
JADE: yes i do!  
APHIST: Most people don't get tHe luxury of it.  
JADE: what???  
APHIST: How about you tell me more about Sollux?  
JADE: ok? well...  
JADE: we were both ditched so i guess we bonded on that.  
JADE: his ex, aradia left with dave...  
APHIST: AH, it seems you two Have a lot in common.  
JADE: i guess so?  
JADE: buuut i cant help but feel like i forced him to be with me, like i did dave and karkat.  
JADE: i mean, sollux i guess doesnt make friends easily and i dont either really?  
JADE: i dont want... anything else bad to happen to him.  
APHIST: Sounds like you care about him a lot.  
JADE: i DO!

Music begins to play out of the piano in the corner of the office.

APHIST: You know what tHat means.  
JADE: no?  
APHIST: It's time for you to leave.  
JADE: its been half an hour already?!  
APHIST: Yes, you can pay my secretary on tHe way out.

She leaves, not quite sure of how the piano played itself and goes to where the secretary's sat.

RETARY: Yo, so, like, whatcha doing after this?  
JADE: ... i guess... go and see my boyfriend?

  
Sollux lies unmoving in a hospital bed and in one brief instant, he jolts up and gasps.

SOLLUX: *gasp* w-where?  
DOCTER: Zeh zurgery appears to ave been a complete zuccezz  
SOLLUX: what surgery?  
SOLLUX: ...why d0es my m0uth taste of metal?  
DOCTER: I am afraid we ad to replace your chezt and ztomach.  
DOCTER: we are terribly zorry for what as appened to you.  
SOLLUX: *great* this is what i get for being inv0lved, isn't it?  
DOCTER: Zere are zeveral zingz we need to teach you involving rutine maintenanze when you ave recovered a bit more.  
SOLLUX: where's jd?  
DOCTER: Zhe iz away at zeh moment, but will be back zoon.

Sollux mumbles something under his breath.

DOCTER: Zorry, I did not catch zat.  
SOLLUX: when can i talk t0 s0me0ne wh0 d0esn't s0und like a prerec0rded message?

A loud clanging is heard outside of the room and the door slowly opens.

JADE: oh... is he awake?  
DOCTER: Yez, he juzt woke up.  
SOLLUX: can y0u leave us al0ne?  
JADE: ok... ill go.  
SOLLUX: n0t y0u, the d0ct0r!

Docter quickly leaves the two of them, which is just how Sollux likes it.

SOLLUX: what the *fuck* happened?!  
JADE: youre in the hospital.  
SOLLUX: i kn0w that, why am i s0me kind 0f walking freak sh0w n0w?  
SOLLUX: ... m0re s0 than usual.  
JADE: well... you got hit by a rocket launcher by one of... janes soldiers.  
SOLLUX: 0h, that explains abs0lutely fucking everything.  
SOLLUX: a-  
JADE: sollux?  
SOLLUX: WHY THE FUCK AM I NAKID?!  
JADE: i dont think surgery is normally done with clothes on.  
SOLLUX: can y0u get me a pair 0f pants?  
JADE: sorry, im stuck here too, i can only leave for... um...  
SOLLUX: typical.

He feels around for her hands and notices the bandages around them.

SOLLUX: jd, what happened?  
JADE: it happened after you got hit.  
SOLLUX: i guess we're b0th in deep shit.  
JADE: (more than you can possibly imagine.)

She looks at his metal chest, disappointed that she couldn't prevent it from happening.

JADE: im sorry... that i couldnt stop it.  
SOLLUX: this is the kind 0f dumb shit that happens t0 me all the time.  
JADE: and now your powers are gone.  
SOLLUX: that's the thing, i d0n't kn0w if they are.  
JADE: but... you said...  
SOLLUX: i d0n't feel like checking them 0ut n0w, but i think i might still have them.  
JADE: what about hearing doomed things?  
SOLLUX: it's faint, but still there.  
JADE: ... ah.  
SOLLUX: s0 judging by the fact were n0t in the batterbitch's camp 0r wherever she sends pris0ners 0f war, i'm guessing we w0n.  
JADE: y-yes... we did!  
JADE: but shes still alive... somehow.

The door opens up again and a nurse, pushes another bed into the room.

JADE: is someone else staying in here?  
NIRSEE: yeah, yoou.  
JADE: o-oh...

Nirsee leaves before Jade can object.

SOLLUX: jd, is s0mething the matter?  
JADE: why do you ask?  
SOLLUX: i kn0w my new l00k is g0ing t0 be hard.  
JADE: what do you mean?

She never even thought about how his cybernetic implants would work and she knows his heart was replaced.

JADE: ... a... hmmm...  
JADE: shit.  
SOLLUX: jd.  
JADE: no, that wasnt what i was... worried about actually.  
JADE: dave isnt- i mean not dave... i mean dave, no wait... i mean dane?  
JADE: jave... FUCK!  
SOLLUX: jd...  
JADE: theres seeveral things i need to tell you...  
JADE: but i dont know how to.  
SOLLUX: can y0u get me a beer fr0m the vending machine.  
JADE: umm... not sure if they exist, but sure...?  
JADE: why do you want one?  
SOLLUX: because shit is about t0 get real and i d0n't want t0 be s0ber f0r it.

Jade tilts her head, wondering just what Sollux is planning. Oh well, anything to distract her from telling him *that*.  
After leaving the room, she looks around for a vending machine and... just her luck, it's full of beer! She floats them back over to the room and quickly starts downing.

JADE: here.  
SOLLUX: *glug* 0k, s0 here's the thing...  
SOLLUX: i lied ab0ut my name.  
JADE: what?! but everyone calls you sollux!  
SOLLUX: that's 0nly half true.  
JADE: then what the *hell* is your ACTUAL name?!  
SOLLUX: it's... s0lluxander, d0n't fucking laugh!  
JADE: *pff* good one.  
SOLLUX: i'm seri0us.  
JADE: and whats your last name, captorander?  
SOLLUX: n0w it's y0ur turn.

At that moment, Jade realizes she has just been played.

JADE: umm... weeeell...  
JADE: this hospital suuucks!  
SOLLUX: 0nly w0rks f0r things i d0n't already kn0w.  
JADE: so what happens if i dont tell you?  
SOLLUX: n0 m0re snausages f0r a year.  
JADE: noooo!!! why?!  
SOLLUX: they make y0ur breath stink.  
JADE: lame!  
JADE: i am... seeing someone.  
JADE: aand his first and last names dont have ander in them.  
JADE: he is... my... therapissed.  
JADE: i had you going there, didnt i?  
SOLLUX: n0.  
SOLLUX: i need y0ur ph0ne.  
JADE: so you can hack it and put some virus on it??  
SOLLUX: n0, t0 sh0w y0u s0mething.  
JADE: fine, but ill unlock it.

She hands the phone over and installs some programs.

JADE: what the fuck solluxANDER, i said no viruses!

Another beer down, she can't believe how easy it is to talk to him now, why does the hospital have such strong alcohol?

SOLLUX: i'm hacking s0me0ne's c0mputer because i had t0 delete the thing i'm g0ing t0 sh0w y0u.  
JADE: ander, what?  
SOLLUX: there.

He hands the phone back and it's a picture of a wooly haired gold blood and Kanaya, both are very young looking.

JADE: whys Mituna here? he was dead before this was taken.  
SOLLUX: that's... n0t mituna.  
JADE: oh my GOD! HAHAHA!  
JADE: what happened?!  
SOLLUX: male pattern balding.  
JADE: those clothes... they are soo cuuute!!  
SOLLUX: d0n't remind me.  
JADE: you are going to wear this for halloween!  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w what y0u're s0 happy ab0ut, it's y0ur turn again.  
JADE: ffff...ine...  
JADE: i... well... after you... were shot i did something... solluxANDER... thaat...

The door swings open and they hide the beer cans.

DOCTER: we are ready to take your bandagez off now.  
JADE: about time, they dont even hurtt!  
SOLLUX: manners.  
JADE: PFFHAHAHA! ander are you sure your brain wasnt swapped?!

Docter scratches her head and slowly unravels the bandages on each hand.

DOCTER: i am done now, by the way, you ave more vizetorz.

She shows them in and Sollux quickly covers up.

LATULA: Hi, how 4r3 you?  
SOLLUX: 0k?  
KARKAT: DON'T DO THAT EVER AGAIN!  
SOLLUX: what, die? i can't help that.  
JADE: yes you can, ander!  
SOLLUX: st0p calling me that already!  
JADE: haha, i cant get over that being your real name!

He covers Jade's mouth up.

SOLLUX: shhh, it's thupp0sed tw0 be a secret!  
JADE: mmph...  
MITUNA: 5011UXUND3R, H3R3

He tosses several pictures to Sollux.

KANAYA: Names Aside It Seems You Are On The Drink Again  
JADE: this stuupid place sells BEERS!  
KANAYA: Did You Happen To Get Them From The Break Room  
JADE: mmmaybe?  
SOLLUX: ii think y0u thould leave untiil we th0ber up...  
SOLLUX: diid ii therii0uthly jutht driink my quiirk back?  
JADE: Woow... that's how you used to speak?!  
SOLLUX: ii diidn't thiink iit wath even poththiible.

Everyone leaves, cutting the visit as the shortest in Hospital history.

SOLLUX: thiith iith thtupiid... 2tupiid...  
JADE: hahaha, you sound so weird!!  
SOLLUX: jd, we thould get thome thleep.  
JADE: what is "thleep"?

She lies, sprawled across both beds and puts her head next to Sollux's.

JADE: anyone ever tell you, youre funny?  
SOLLUX: probably.  
JADE: becauthe you are.  
SOLLUX: bed time.  
JADE: fiine, ill sleep it off.

She cuddles up to him, then kisses him before drifting off.


	25. The Make0ver

Jade wakes up and starts to hear a loud pounding, she assumes it's her head, but when she pops up from the covers, she sees Sollux is wrapped around her.

JADE: oouch...

Sollux's new heart is really loud.

JADE: sollux... can you move?  
SOLLUX: mruumph.  
JADE: lispy mcgee!  
SOLLUX: (was... that a joke?)

He sits upright, taking Jade along with him.

JADE: these beds are too small.  
SOLLUX: it's why there's a sec0nd 0ne.  
JADE: what did i tell you yesterday?  
SOLLUX: y0u're seeing a therapist.  
JADE: anything else...?  
SOLLUX: n0, but it is y0ur turn.  
JADE: oh god, haha, now i remember your weird name!  
SOLLUX: what was it y0u did after i g0t sh0t?  
JADE: no fair, you got to be drunk for your things!  
SOLLUX: want a c0ffee?  
JADE: sure.

Sollux carries Jade off of the bed and takes her out of the room.

JADE: ander, you um... forgot didnt you?  
SOLLUX: fuck.

He quickly rushes back in and puts on the blanket like a toga.

JADE: the coffee machine is to the left, in the break room.

Sollux leaves for a few seconds and quickly comes back in again, along with a Doctor.

JADE: forget your undies?  
SOLLUX: n0, apparently i'm n0t all0wed t0 leave.  
DOCTER: I am zorry, you are not yet ztrong enough to leave, you ave to ztay ere.  
SOLLUX: *great*.  
SOLLUX: when CAN i leave?  
DOCTER: When you ave recovered more.  
SOLLUX: but i d0n't-  
DOCTER: It's better to be zave zan zorry.

She looks around the beds.

DOCTER: *Tut* non, non, you should not be drinking ziz!  
DOCTER: Beer could ruzt you from zhe inzide and zen we'd ave to get you a new ztomache!  
DOCTER: You zhould keep an eye out for im, men iz age are alwayz trouble.  
JADE: ok.

Docter leaves, shaking her head.

SOLLUX: n0w what?  
JADE: well i know i am NOT going to tell you that thing now!  
SOLLUX: it was just an excuse anyway.  
JADE: for what, sneaky? :o  
SOLLUX: ehehe... i missed hearing y0ur v0ice, as lame as that s0unds.  
JADE: come here you dork.

Sollux moves closer to Jade and she hops back into his arms.

JADE: what are you doing?

Sollux takes Jade's phone from her again.

SOLLUX: deleting the image.  
JADE: no, stooop! can i look at it one more time?!  
SOLLUX: n0.

Jade tries to grab it from him, but he dodges her each time.

JADE: come ooon!  
SOLLUX: and it's g0ne.

He hands it back and to her surprise, it's been replaced by a selfie of the two of them.

JADE: w-what? when???

Before Jade can get a proper answer out of him, the door rattles open.

FEFERI: )(-E-E-EY! I heard all about what happened!  
FEFERI: We were too busy to come earlier, so how the glub are you doing?!  
JADE: actually, solluxander only just woke up yesterday.  
SOLLUX: *sigh*  
ERIDAN: wwhat kinda name is solluxander  
SOLLUX: aren't y0u in s0me kind 0f a self gratificati0n cult?  
FEFERI: )(e does have a good point, you should probably apologize now.  
ERIDAN: wwhat i meant fef wwas sol has a name that is the exact right amount of characters long  
SOLLUX: and 0ne you can pr0n0unce right t0 b00t.  
JADE: errm, so what do you have planned?  
FEFERI: Nothing reely, just dropping by.  
FEFERI: )(mm...  
ERIDAN: wwhat is it fef  
FEFERI: No, this won't do!  
FEFERI: Sollux, you should learn to dress the part.  
SOLLUX: i'm *in* a h0spital, h0w am i supp0sed t0 dress in anything?  
JADE: he has been grumbling about a lack of pants.  
FEFERI: Y-E-E-ES! A makeover! 8D  
FEFERI: -Eridan, can you bring the supplies over?  
SOLLUX: i *really* d0n't like where this is g0ing.  
JADE: its either this or wearing a blanket until you get out.  
SOLLUX: can i still keep the blanket 0n afterwards?

Eridan hands Feferi over a large floral print dress and she looks at it and then Sollux.

FEFERI: I don't think so.  
ERIDAN: wwhat then  
FEFERI: Oh, this one looks nice!

She takes out a pair of spotty purple pants, but Eridan shakes his head.

ERIDAN: personally i think this wwill wwork  
FEFERI: And this, maybe even...

They giggle and quickly shift through clothes.

SOLLUX: this is 0ne 0f ed's plans t0 humiliate me, and he's winning.  
JADE: yes, everythings about making you suffer constantly.  
FEFERI: We've decided!

They show the ensemble to Jade and she grins with glee.

FEFERI: W-E-E-ELL, put it on!

He feels around the clothes.

SOLLUX: it feels 0k.  
FEFERI: Water you waiting for?!  
SOLLUX: f0r y0u t0 leave the r00m.  
JADE: he likes to change in privacy.

The seadwellers leave and Sollux quickly changes into the new clothes.

JADE: aww, haha, you look so cute!  
SOLLUX: why d0es this weird spiky tshirt have a h00d?  
JADE: just be glad you can wear anything!

Jade looks down at his long, purple boots and tights.

JADE: it kind of looks like a... hmm...  
SOLLUX: what?  
JADE: YOU CAN COME BACK IN NOW!

They charge in and Eridan looks on with envy.

ERIDAN: wwhat about a scarf to go wwith it  
FEFERI: No, it's P-ERF-ECT!!  
JADE: where did you get the idea from? :o  
FEFERI: a girl has to have some secrets.  
JADE: it looks a loooot like godhood clothes.

Feferi thinks about it a bit.

FEFERI: Now that I think about it.  
FEFERI: Glub, this will just have to do!!  
ERIDAN: wwell fef wwhat about me  
FEFERI: Water about you?  
JADE: i think he wants a makeover too.  
FEFERI: It's about time!  
ERIDAN: fef wwhat are you sayin

Eridan hears Feferi's response as "Let's get those clothes off!!" but in reality...

FEFERI: That look is quite frankly, not you.  
ERIDAN: wwoww fef

He takes his shirt off and awkwardly flexes.

FEFERI: )(mm... put on this.

She hands him a heavy Parker coat, which Eridan grabs happily.

FEFERI: That's SOOOO much better!  
ERIDAN: its amazin  
FEFERI: I'll need the heavy duty equipment to deal with you properly.  
JADE: oh, leaving already?  
FEFERI: I'm afraid so.

They float out of the door, yet again making Jade question if ghosts find it easier or if it's just more fun to float through things.

SOLLUX: ab0ut time.

He tilts his head towards where Jade is and smiles.

JADE: what is it?  
SOLLUX: n0thing.  
JADE: is there something on my face?  
SOLLUX: h0w w0uld i kn0w?  
JADE: oh, its something ELSE you have in mind!

Sollux takes the new shirt off, as well as his shoes.

JADE: well, it really does seem like something.  
SOLLUX: i 0nly wanted s0me pants 0n.  
JADE: and what should i wear?  
SOLLUX: anything gr0pable.  
JADE: i think i like this makeover more.

She takes her own shirt off.

SOLLUX: me t00.

Unfortunately their fun is interrupted by Docter once more.

DOCTER: Zinze you zeem to be feeling better, it'z time I zhow you ow you to do z0me maintenanze.

Docter hands Jade a hospital lunch and on the tray is a tube of ointment.

JADE: whats this for?  
DOCTER: It'z to treat Zollux'z ztomache.

She takes out a screw driver and unscrews Sollux's chest plate.

SOLLUX: d0n't l00k!

Jade covers her eyes up and turns away.

DOCTER: You ave to learn to do ziz yourzelf too.  
JADE: what?!  
DOCTER: Come now, ee az to have it done!  
JADE: why?!  
DOCTER: Zo ee can eat!  
DOCTER: Now come, it iz time for you to-  
JADE: no, i cant!!

She runs out of the room crying, while Sollux sits there uncomfortably, unable to do anything.

JADE: oh god...

Minutes pass and Docter comes back out.

DOCTER: Ee iz done now, but i zink you zhould be zere for next time.

Jade walks back in, keeping her eyes covered.

JADE: are you... covered?  
SOLLUX: yes.  
JADE: good!  
SOLLUX: s0rry y0u had t0 see that.  
JADE: i didn't!  
SOLLUX: g00d.  
JADE: now where were we...  
SOLLUX: jd, i'm n0t in the m00d.  
JADE: figures. :/


	26. The 60 Milli0n Caeger Tr0ll

APHIST: Did you tell Sollux about the incident?  
JADE: no... i just couldnt!  
APHIST: Maybe It's best to tell Him in bits.  
APHIST: Now, wHat do you want to talk about today?  
JADE: hmm...  i still cant stop thinking about dave...  
APHIST: Well, we could write a letter.  
JADE: but he... isnt here.  
APHIST: It doesn't Have to be to Him, you can just write it to make you feel better.  
JADE: ok... i guess?

Aphist brings over a piece of paper and a pen.

APHIST: Now, wHat would you like to start witH?  
JADE: how about... dave, you ungrateful bastard!!!  
APHIST: Yes, wHat else?

Jade thinks about it some more.

JADE: you ran off like a coward, never once considering how i felt!  
JADE: and when you came back... you werent even YOU!  
JADE: you went on about ultimate self crap, well... fuck that and fuck you!!! >:(  
APHIST: Is tHere anytHing else you would like to add?  
JADE: one other thing...  
JADE: i thought your robot heart made you a monster, but now i see that its... not just that, its everything ABOUT you thats a monster!!!  
APHIST: Do you feel better now?  
JADE: a bit.  
JADE: *sigh*  
JADE: weeelll... i should say sorry to someone.  
APHIST: And wHo would tHat be?  
JADE: to tavros.  
APHIST: Do you want to write a letter to Him too?  
JADE: no, i want to say it in person, but i cant really talk to anyone without being drunk or joking around.  
JADE: well, except for you.  
APHIST: How about we cHanGe tHe subject.  
JADE: to what?  
APHIST: WHat do you enjoy doing?  
JADE: gardening, playing guitar, watching tv... but i dont get to do the first two much anymore.  
JADE: actually, now that i think about it, i dont think ive even told sollux about my guitar.

  
Speaking of Sollux, he's about to get a visit.

???: *knock knock*  
SOLLUX: jd?

No, can't be her, she never knocks. The visitor peeks his head around the door.

JOHN: where's jade?  
SOLLUX: she's 0ut.  
JOHN: oh...  
JOHN: i wanted to talk to her about something.  
SOLLUX: evidently.  
JOHN: well, it concerns you too.  
JOHN: you see, it's taking longer to rebuild everything than expected...  
SOLLUX: s0 let me guess: i have t0 spend even l0nger in the h0spital.  
JOHN: yeah...  
SOLLUX: why am i n0t surprised?  
SOLLUX: i th0ught kk l0ved t0 tell me this shit!  
KANAYA: Karkat Is Currently In The Midst Of Planning  
SOLLUX: y0u're here t00?  
KANAYA: The Ghosts Are Demanding They Get Their Own Abodes As They Are The Ones Doing The Majority Of The Rebuilding  
SOLLUX: i bet kk is l0ving that.  
KANAYA: Oh He Is Quite Livid  
JOHN: oh, by the way, tavros told me to give you this.

Once again, the cane returns to Sollux's hand, to his dismay.

SOLLUX: great.  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w why pe0ple all 0f a sudden have g0t s0 0bsessed with helping me.  
KANAYA: Maybe Its Your Likable And Agreeable Nature  
SOLLUX: the next time s0me0ne thinks 0f giving me s0mething t0 "help" with my many disabilities, d0n't.  
KANAYA: You Will Have To Excuse Solluxander Hes In One Of His Moods Again  
JOHN: oh, i already know about it.  
KANAYA: There Is One Other Thing We Must Inform You On  
JOHN: yeah, that bodyguard troll... what's their name is now working for my son.  
JOHN: here, kanaya said you'd celebrate it... or something?

He gives Sollux a can.

SOLLUX: what's this?  
KANAYA: Relax Its A Can Of Your Favourite Beverage  
SOLLUX: 0h.

He places it on the table next to him.

KANAYA: Not In The Mood To Drink It?  
SOLLUX: n0t like i even *can* drink it anym0re.  
KANAYA: Oh I Was Not Informed Of Your New Dietary Requirements  
KANAYA: I Am Sorry That You-  
DOCTER: Oh, you will ave to leave.  
SOLLUX: we were in the middle 0f a c0nversati0n!  
DOCTER: Zollux az to ave more work done on im.  
KANAYA: It Was My Understanding That Sollux Is Done With Surgery  
DOCTER: Zurgery, non, additionz, oui.

She turns around to look at the table.

DOCTER: *Tut tut* Non more beer!

She's about to clear it away, but John quickly grabs it.

JOHN: oh, that's actually mine.  
SOLLUX: why d0 i even have t0 have even *m0re* 0f my b0dy r0b0ticized?!  
DOCTER: Becauze at ze moment your ztomache and chezt are expozed and in order for it to be protected from ze elementz, i ave to zcrew and clip on metal zat iz more equipped to deal wiz zeez zings.  
DOCTER: Zink of it like an exozkeleton on your endozkeleton.  
DOCTER: Ziz prozezz alzo preparez you for ze final ztep, realiztic zkin. Zat in turn meanz you won't ruzt if a tear appearz.  
SOLLUX: Then why the hell didn't y0u d0 that earlier when i was having my surgery?!  
DOCTER: Becauze zoze partz are ard to make on ze zpot, zo it waz eazier to do it ziz way zan ave you under for zree weekz.  
DOCTER: Luckily for you, ze partz you ave right now were pre-made by zomeone already, and zey donated zem to uz.  
SOLLUX: lucky me.  
KANAYA: Sollux We Will Be Off Now And Please Be On Your Best Behavior  
JOHN: bye...

  
They leave and in turn, Jade takes the spotlight again.

JADE: ooh, i could do that!  
JADE: maybe i could write a good song for sollux, if he likes it.  
APHIST: I Have noticed How you seem to revolve everytHinG around Sollux and your friends.  
JADE: what do you mean??  
APHIST: Well, earlier we spoke about wHat you like to do.  
JADE: yeah and i said i like gardening and guitar and... i havent done either of them in a while.  
APHIST: And wHy do you tHink tHat is?  
JADE: because sollux may not li-oooh...  
JADE: he is pretty grouchy... but thats not fair, that makes him sound mean!  
APHIST: Is He mean?  
JADE: not normally, he can be hard to get used to for some people.  
JADE: but... i get the point.  
JADE: i dont express myself as much as just clung onto sollux and never let go...  
JADE: i mean, its what ive been doing my whole life ever since we came here.  
APHIST: The difference is knowinG wHen you're sacrificinG yourself for anotHer and wHen botH partners are equals.  
JADE: yeah, normally id think stuff like "i wont do it if sollux doesnt like it".  
APHIST: RelationsHips are a two way street and tHere's notHinG wronG witH expressinG yourself, as lonG as it's leGal.  
APHIST: I Hope I can meet Sollux one day.  
JADE: you think he needs therapy?  
APHIST: THat's for Him to decide.

Jade takes in a deep breath and quickly exhales, when she hears the strange music from before.

APHIST: Well, you know wHat tHat means.  
JADE: yeah, i know...

She moves over to the receptionist and pays the bill, then makes her way back to the hospital room.

SHUUSH: *mumble*  
SHORPA: HEY so IS sollux OK?

Jade turns around and looks at the strange troll.

JADE: yeah, hes just fine!  
SHORPA: good HOW long UNTIL hes OUT?  
JADE: i... dont know.  
SHORPA: also CAN... i ERM have HIS autograph?  
JADE: ok, but... (i thought you were blind).  
SHORPA: BUT what? JUST make SURE it's A deep SIGNATURE.  
SHUUSH: *mumble mumble*  
SHORPA: i AM not BEING demanding!

Jade quickly gets away from them, wondering what it was all about. Sollux has never been so popular that someone's wanted his autograph before.

JADE: (so strange...)

She goes back to the room finally and notices something, well, a FEW things different about Sollux.

JADE: what?!  
SOLLUX: *sigh*  
JADE: your... beard... it's GONE!!! :o  
JADE: and you have even more armor on before... i mean, you have... it's up to your neck now!  
SOLLUX: apparently d0cter had plans f0r it all al0ng, t00 bad she didn't tell me until it was t00 late.  
JADE: why???  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.  
JADE: i mean why did she put more on?  
SOLLUX: the layer under this 0ne is t00 fragile t0 g0 0utside with.  
JADE: oh dear...

She shuffles around on the floor, looking for something she probably dropped.

SOLLUX: please tell me y0u aren't l00king f0r my missing beard hairs.  
JADE: haha, no silly!  
JADE: ... there it is!  
SOLLUX: there what is?  
JADE: my guitar! i must have dropped its card the last time i took off my shirt.

She plucks a few strings.

SOLLUX: i didnt kn0w y0u played, i th0ught 0nly tavr0s played it.  
JADE: he does???  
SOLLUX: tr0ll tavr0s.  
JADE: HE DOES?!  
JADE: i guess we really didn't talk much. so was he good?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't want t0 talk ab0ut it.  
JADE: by the way, do you play any instruments?  
SOLLUX: i used t0 play the synth.

Jade plays some basic cords and Sollux sits back and listens.

JADE: you know, we should have a jam session one day.


	27. S0llux's Sudden Turn

The next morning, Sollux wakes up to the sound of guitar strings being plucked.

SOLLUX: did... y0u never st0p?  
JADE: oh, do you have a headache?  
SOLLUX: n0, it's just a bit cramped.  
JADE: well, its a good thing we get out in a few days!

She quickly sighs, still not knowing how to tell him about what she did.

SOLLUX: ab0ut that...  
JADE: huh?  
SOLLUX: there's been s0me delays and we're g0ing t0 be here a l0t l0nger than expected.  
JADE: what?!  
JADE: but... isnt your armor placement thing almost done?  
SOLLUX: it is, but i als0 have s0mething else in mind.  
JADE: like...?  
SOLLUX: like s0mething i sh0uld have d0ne a l0ng time ag0.  
JADE: oh. hmm...

She strums a little ditty.

JADE: is sollux getting a new shirt~?  
SOLLUX: d0n't d0 this.  
JADE: is he getting a new skirt~?!  
SOLLUX: pff... st0p!  
JADE: is he... hmm getting a new chair~?!  
SOLLUX: jd, i want t0-  
JADE: or maybe even some underwear~!  
SOLLUX: i want it t0 be a surprise.  
SOLLUX: als0, that was s0 incredibly dumb!  
JADE: well i never noticed how much your chin stuck out before!  
SOLLUX: why d0 y0u think i had the beard?  
JADE: are you going to grow it back?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.

Nirsee walks in with two trays of food.

NIRSEE: heres soome fooood foor yoou.  
JADE: sollux can eat again?  
NIRSEE: yeah but oonly with his tablets.  
JADE: what kind are they?  
NIRSEE: lets see... soome stuff foor his tummy, soome stuff foor iroon and soome stuff calcium and a bunch oof vitamins.  
NIRSEE: anyway soollux shoould have been toold everything aboout it by noow.  
SOLLUX: s0?  
NIRSEE: soo yoou knoow theres noothing too woorry aboout.

She places a bowl of soup and a huge bag of medication next to him.

NIRSEE: just remember too take them befoore every meal.

She places another bowl, this time with vegetables and meatballs next to Jade.

JADE: oh, thank you!

Nirsee wearily exist the room, swaying slightly from side to side.

JADE: you have to take so many tablets...  
SOLLUX: i kn0w.

He sniffs the food and starts the long process of taking his medication.

JADE: oh no, i forgot to ask if im allowed plants in here!

She starts eating the meatballs.

SOLLUX: what, why b0ther?

He clumsily stuffs all his required tablets in one go.

SOLLUX: dib babe ib bill a bitty blabe, b0 why eben b0ber?  
JADE: haha, what?  
SOLLUX: i bed... *gulp* this place is s0 shitty, s0 why even b0ther?  
SOLLUX: blugh!  
JADE: because i miss seeing and smelling them.  
JADE: i bet you miss your bees.  
SOLLUX: they all died.  
JADE: thats even worse!! :(

Sollux quickly begins to eat his soup to get the horrible taste out of his mouth.

JADE: im going to check anyway.

She goes around the corner to find any doctors or nurses.

MEHDIK: oh, uh, yo.

Jade looks around and sees a short sea troll greet her, she then reads the tog on his shirt.

MEHDIK: whats you doing round these here parts?  
JADE: oh, so i have a question... am i allowed to have flowers or plants in my room?  
MEHDIK: sho nuff!  
JADE: oh good, so where do it get them?  
MEHDIK: yeah, ill just show you to the doctorial-like garden we have.

Jade follows and is amazed when she gets there.

MEHDIK: well, as you can see, this whole place is indoors, coz this whole here place is under the ground!  
JADE: *sniff* wow, so many... plants!

She roams around, looking at the wild garlic all lined up in a row, next to several pine trees.

MEHDIK: this here place tries to emyoulate the kinda environmentality of plants in the wild.

Jade picks a few wild flowers, without even thinking.

MEHDIK: as well as- hey now, dont do that!  
JADE: oh, oops.  
MEHDIK: its better for the plants iffin you take the roots witthum and puttem in a pot!  
JADE: im sorry, its just been... so exhausting being stuck here.  
MEHDIK: i take it youre a mite stir crazy right?  
JADE: yeah...

Mehdik takes out a few pots and gently pulls a few flowers out of the ground.

JADE: so, how do they get fertilized and pollinate?  
MEHDIK: we have our own here bee farm too, but givvin its the middle of the day theyre fast asleep.  
MEHDIK: as for fertilizatin, special beer is made in the cafeteria, canned and taken right here.  
MEHDIK: it also keeps the pests out.  
MEHDIK: acourse, it taint safe for troll consumption, bein it can give you mighty painful stomach-like ulcers.

Jade feels around her stomach, hoping that being Human stops that from happening.

MEHDIK: so which room you in?  
JADE: oh its this way...

She leads him back to the room and Mehdik insists on carrying all the flowers.

MEHDIK: wow, in this here part?  
MEHDIK: usually its only used for serious-like injuries.

Jade opens the door and looks at sollux, who seems a bit different than normal.

JADE: oh, you have company. are you... done?  
DOCTER: yez, ziz time it was juzt a requezt, az iz final part azent come in yet.  
JADE: *phew*  
MEHDIK: here you are i suppose you want to organize them by your lonesome.  
SOLLUX: i can help.  
JADE: :o  
MEHDIK: well we better be headin off now.

They both exit, leaving Jade wonder just what's up with Sollux.

SOLLUX: 0u0  
JADE: are you... um... ok?  
SOLLUX: why w0uld i be? 0u0  
JADE: riiight...  
SOLLUX: whats that smell? 0u0  
JADE: the flowers a got with... um... mehdik.  
SOLLUX: they smell s0 nice. 0u0  
JADE: sollux, are you sick?  
SOLLUX: n0, just ridicul0usly fucking happy f0r n0 g0d damn reas0n. 0u0

Jade shakes her head, thinking it's probably because he ate for the first time in a while.

JADE: now where should...

Sollux stands up and sniffs his way to the flowers.

SOLLUX: whats this 0ne? 0u0  
JADE: its a daisy.  
SOLLUX: *sniff*  
JADE: this one, to the left is a dandelion.  
SOLLUX: *sniff* w0w, h0w did i n0t kn0w ab0ut this s00ner? 0u0  
JADE: these are all pretty common flowers actually.  
SOLLUX: ehehe-ch00! *sniff*

He picks the pot with the dandelion up and wanders around with it.

SOLLUX: where d0 y0u want it? 0u0  
JADE: um... on the table.

Sollux bumps into the iv drip holder on the way, as well as several other things.

JADE: right there is fine.  
SOLLUX: ehehe, im pretty fucking clumsy. 0u0  
JADE: sollux, can i check your forehead?  
SOLLUX: 0k, jd. 0u0  
JADE: solluxander!  
SOLLUX: ehehe, yeah? 0u0  
JADE: oh god...

She almost has a meltdown, but some knocking at the door stops it.

JADE: oh, c-come in?

The door opens and Harry Anderson wanders in.

JADE: HARRY ANDERSON!!!  
HARRY ANDERSON: AUNT JADE!!! WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?  
HARRY ANDERSON: by the way what's wrong with that guy's face?  
SOLLUX: this is h0w i smile. 0u0  
HARRY ANDERSON: who is he?

Once again, the door opens up and out come Vriska and Roxy.

ROXY: hey sorry i wuz late  
JADE: hey, roxy and vriska!  
VRISKA: It's Vrissy now 8ecause SOMEONE wouldn't stop calling me "Vriska Jr.!"  
ROXY: what were you talkin about  
HARRY ANDERSON: we were just talking about this weird guy.  
ROXY: harry anderson egbert dont call your new uncle soxlox weird  
SOLLUX: my name is s0lluxander capt0r. 0u0  
JADE: a- WHAT?! :o  
HARRY ANDERSON: i know right!!!  
HARRY ANDERSON: i finally found the troll i was named after!  
VRISSY: Oh my *f8cking* god!!!!!!!!  
HARRY ANDERSON: right babe!

He swishes his hair around and poses.

HARRY ANDERSON: wait so what happened to uncle dave?  
VRISSY: (Read the fucking room!)  
ROXY: he went off on a trip  
HARRY ANDERSON: where?  
ROXY: its a top secret mission from uncle karkat  
JADE: :(  
HARRY ANDERSON: oh.  
JADE: what um, brings you here?  
HARRY ANDERSON: mom is letting me stay!  
JADE: oh... oh! :o  
HARRY ANDERSON: where's sollux ander going?  
JADE: he likes to wander.

Docter quickly brings Sollux back into the room.

JADE: what made you change your mind roxy?  
ROXY: it wuz parian  
JADE: parian?!  
ROXY: yeah theyre goin to guard harry anderson  
JADE: huh???  
SOLLUX: wait, they're leaving?!  
ROXY: cuz you dont need them anymore ig  
JADE: but... why not?  
ROXY: somethin to do with solluxanders armor  
JADE: but they cant just... hes still almost completely helpless!  
ROXY: idk jade ask karkat it wuz his idea

Harry ignores his mom and aunt and moves over to Sollux. Just what's so great about him?

HARRY ANDERSON: uncle sollux ander how do you see?  
SOLLUX: i can't.  
HARRY ANDERSON: so you're like... normal blind then?  
VRISSY: Have you seriously never seen a void rot 8efore?  
HARRY ANDERSON: a what rot?  
VRISSY: You 8etter tell him, i don't think i have the energy.  
SOLLUX: a v0id r0t is a g0ld bl00ded tr0ll that inherits a genetic disease that st0ps them fr0m seeing shit. 0_0  
HARRY ANDERSON: oh right and you have that?  
SOLLUX: n0, i l0st my eyes fighting a giant d0uche wizard and a sec0nd time fr0m sexy gamzee.  
SOLLUX: did... i just SAY THAT 0UT L0UD?! 0n0  
VRISSY: W8 WH8T?!  
JADE: that... explains sooo much! :o  
SOLLUX: let's just f0rget. this wh0le damn thing never happened! 0n0  
HARRY ANDERSON: why are so many people interested in uncle gamzee?  
ROXY: *ahem* lets just... btw i have a new job here  
JADE: you do?  
ROXY: yeah im doin some security stuff  
JADE: oh?... oh.  
ROXY: whats wrong  
SOLLUX: that was my 0ld j0b.  
ROXY: oh sorry it does mean i get to hang around longer  
SOLLUX: *sigh*  
ROXY: but doez that mean u did the old code  
SOLLUX: yeah  
ROXY: oh thatz some pretty good encryption i didnt thing there wuz any good programmerz around here  
SOLLUX: what are you talking ab0ut? i'm the best hacker ar0und. 0_<  
HARRY ANDERSON: (seriously, what's with uncle gamzee?)  
VRISSY: (Shh!)  
ROXY: u sure about that  
SOLLUX: very.  
ROXY: cuz im p sure you didnt find my secret hiding place  
SOLLUX: i did bleed 0ut trying the first time. (what am i saying?!)  
ROXY: so u admit ur shit isnt up to my level  
SOLLUX: i guess s0. (WHAT?!)  
JADE: sollux?  
HARRY ANDERSON: mom what happened to not being mean to uncle sollux ander?  
ROXY: yes sorry i got carried away  
ROXY: we best b goin actually  
JADE: oh, well, bye!  
HARRY ANDERSON: bye uncle sollux ander and aunt jade.  
VRISSY: L8r jade and gramps.

They quickly exit.

JADE: so... gamzee huh?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't want t0 talk ab0ut it!!


	28. Fighting P0wer With Fl0wer

It's the end of the day and Sollux is still acting a bit weird.

JADE: *yawn* want to snuggle up?

The door swings open and a worried Nirsse walks in.

NIRSEE: ooh noo.  
JADE: what is it?  
NIRSEE: im soorry there was a slight mix up with the fooood.  
SOLLUX: t00k y0u l0ng en0ugh t0 n0tice.  
NIRSEE: im still new at this and i accidentally gave yoou soome sooup doosed with truth serum meant foor a prisooner.  
SOLLUX; h0w the hell did that happen?!  
NIRSEE: the coonvict had similar dietary requirements as yoou doo soo when i picked the fooood up froom the kitchen i coonfused them.  
NIRSEE: i am deeply soorry.

She bows and walks back out.

JADE: so earlier when you were all happy and said your first name...  
SOLLUX: i w0rked that 0ut h0urs ag0.  
JADE: how??  
SOLLUX: because i was physically incapable 0f keeping my gumh0le shut.

Jade gets out of bed and walks over to where Sollux's near empty soup bowl is. She sticks her finger in.

JADE: its all chunky.

The truth serum appears to be more concentrated at the bottom. However, that doesn't stop her from putting a bit in her mouth.

SOLLUX: jd, what are y0u d0ing?  
JADE: oh, it tastes like the meatballs i ate earlier.

She breaths in and out slowly.

JADE: RRAAAAAAGH!!!

She stands on top of the bed to scream more from her lungs.

SOLLUX: what the hell?!  
JADE: oh no...  
SOLLUX: why did y0u start eating that crap?!  
JADE: so i could tell you about all the people i killed! (uh... oh...)  
SOLLUX: jd, what?  
JADE: after you got shot i shrunk down janes armada a-and poor tavros was there to... see it all. :(

She puts her head in her hands and starts to cry.

JADE: *sniff*. There were people on those ships.  
SOLLUX: that... sucks.  
JADE: i also threw jane off of her ship.  
SOLLUX: jd, i... d0n't really kn0w what t0 say.

He leans over and initiates a soft pap on the cheek.

JADE: you... dont hate me?  
SOLLUX: i...

He shakes his head.

JADE: *sniff*.

She stands up to weakly hug his metal frame.

JADE: the worst part is, i really enjoyed it. :(

Sollux paps her back in a strange hugging motion.

JADE: i really cant bee...  
SOLLUX: bee?  
JADE: theres a bee!

The door opens up more to reveal Mehdik on the other side.

MEHDIK: sorry folks, did i startle you?  
MEHDIK: seein its night time, these here bees have woken up.  
JADE: well, yes... but why are you taking them here?  
MEHDIK: these here bees need all the pollen they can get.

He takes off his backpack and undoes the straps. Inside are even more flowers.

MEHDIK: i figured you might want a few more flowers.  
JADE: oh thanks, but i dont really think i need this many...  
MEHDIK: that guy youre clingin to bein a golden boy means hes probably a big ol fan of these purple buzzers, right?  
SOLLUX: y0u pr0bably w0uld think that.  
JADE: hes not wrong.  
MEHDIK: sorry there golden boy.

Sollux scrunches up his face in disgust.

JADE: you better leave before sollux get too angry.

Mehdik takes the flowers out, which attracts even more bees.

MEHDIK: well, see you folks later.

Then he takes off.

SOLLUX: fucking typical, an0ther eridan.  
JADE: how did you know hes a violet blood? :o  
SOLLUX: i have a s0cket f0r these things. 0_<

One of the bees flies around Sollux and lands on his finger tip.

JADE: awww!  
JADE: its so fuzzy!

Jade jumps off of Sollux's chest and gently strokes it.

JADE: i have an idea!

She makes the bee grow bigger and bigger, until it's about the size of a head.

SOLLUX: what did y0u d0?  
JADE: now we can snuggle it!  
SOLLUX: bees aren't f0r snuggles!

Jade sighs and sniffs. Sollux soon realizes she needs a distraction from her worries and strikes up a deal with the bee.

SOLLUX: 0k, here.

Jade happily takes the bee and puts her face in its purple fur.

JADE: AHCHOOO!!!  
JADE: *sniff* theres so much pollen!  
SOLLUX: that's why bees are s0 furry, h0w did y0u n0t kn0w that?  
JADE: that sounds like an obscure fact.

She changes tactics and strokes it instead.

JADE: its so soft!

The bee wriggles away from her and flies up to land on Sollux's face.

SOLLUX: AAAUGH-PTH00!!

It crawls around and scratches his head. The poor bee is gradually getting used to it's new size.

JADE: sollux... are you ok?  
SOLLUX: just. terrific.

He stumbles out of bed and wanders to the bathroom.

JADE: ill get that.

She plucks the bee from his head.

SOLLUX: ACH00!

He gradually bleeds into the sink and attempts to flush the pollen out of his painful cuts.

SOLLUX: grmmmg!  
JADE: do you need help with that?

Sollux fills the sink up with water and skins his face into it. Jade grabs a towel to dry him off.

JADE: better?  
SOLLUX: a bit.

He grabs the door handle to exit the room.

JADE: where are you going?  
SOLLUX: t0 get s0me fresh air.

Jade shrugs and starts watering and moving the flowers.

JADE: humm hum~

The large bee nudges her feet over and over, as if it wants something.

JADE: what is it bumble foot?

She shrinks it back down, but it still keeps nudging her.

JADE: youre a weeeird bee!

The door handle moves again.

JADE: oh, hey!  
SOLLUX: hey.  
JADE: no docter?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't need help f0r *literally* everything!  
JADE: you dont, but everyone is really weird about not letting you leave.

The bee nudges Jade more.

JADE; whats wrong with you?  
SOLLUX: i can't leave!  
JADE: i mean bumble foot, the bee.  
SOLLUX: jd, it just wants f00d.  
JADE: i know, but i shrunk it back down...  
SOLLUX: i made a deal with it.  
JADE: what kind of deal?  
SOLLUX: a glass 0f sugar water.  
JADE: oh... but i dont have any sugar.  
SOLLUX: then it's just g0ing t0 have t0 survive 0n p0llen.

The bee flies off with the others, in search of flowers.

JADE: so... sleep time?  
SOLLUX: i d0n't feel like it.  
JADE: yeah, me neither.

She ponders, yes, that's it!

JADE: cards, do you want to play some?  
SOLLUX: yeah, sure.

Jade shuffles and deals them out.

SOLLUX: what are we playing?  
JADE: uno! its a game where you start with seven cards.  
SOLLUX: y0u think i d0n't kn0w h0w t0 play un0?  
JADE: well... im still figuring out which humans things you know.  
SOLLUX: un0 has been ar0und 0n alternia f0r a billi0n sweeps.  
JADE: :o

Altarian Uno is different from Human Uno, however. There have been many ancient blind prophets who once worshiped the game as a revered pseudo-religion.

JADE: you go first.  
SOLLUX: i put d0wn whatever this card is.  
JADE: a red pick up two!

Each card tells the past, present and future. The first three cards placed down represent the past.

SOLLUX: this 0ne.  
JADE: a BLUE pick up two?! :o  
SOLLUX: 0k, n0w this.  
JADE: oh, a wild! which color?  
SOLLUX: yell0w.

The fourth and fifth cards will represent the present; the sixth card represents the future.

JADE: i guess i have to pick up one.  
SOLLUX: this next.  
JADE: skip a go?! how did you get so many good cards?  
SOLLUX: it's a pr0phet thing.  
SOLLUX: this.  
JADE: green skip... :/

Sollux only has two cards left and he nervously decides what's next.

SOLLUX: here...  
JADE: another wild?! :/  
SOLLUX: whatever color this one is.  
JADE: i still cant go! :(

The seventh card on indicates how long your life will last, as well as how many hardships you have yet to face. This applies for each person, so each player needs to put down 7+ cards to get an accurate reading.

JADE: y8, you win.

She sighs, she didn't even get to play a single card.

JADE: how about another game?

Sollux raises his eyebrow, it's unusual for anyone to play more than one game. Even so, it's even more unusual for an opponent to not play any cards.

JADE: huh, what is it?  
SOLLUX: 0k, if y0u're sure...

Jade looks puzzled at Sollux, as if he's not telling her something.


	29. Jade's Advice

The next day, after after many Uno games later.

JADE: *yawn* hey sollux... huh?

Jade wakes up to find Sollux isn't in the room.

JADE: where did he...

She drifts back to sleep again. There's not much to do and as far as she can tell, it's still early.  
A few more hourse later, Jade wakes up again.

JADE: oh?

She notices Sollux is back and guesses he just needed the toilet before.

JADE: hey?  
SOLLUX: (mmmh...)  
JADE: how are you today?  
SOLLUX: (w-huh?)  
JADE: oh sorry, did i wake you?

Sollux rubs one of his sockets, then slumps back down.

SOLLUX: i *yawn* just g0t back int0 bed.  
JADE: oh, so you WERE away!  
SOLLUX: let me sleep.  
JADE: well, you can but its... sorta weird for you to take walks in the early morning.

Sollux doesn't answer.

JADE: (i guess ill take a wander myself.)

As she walks, she finds herself back at the garden.

MEHDIK: howdy, yall want more flowers?  
JADE: no, just taking a stroll.  
MEHDIK: well, be seein you.

Jade walks down further and sees someone she vaguely recognizes.

JADE: huh... wait... hmm...  
ERIDAN: wwhat hey its rude to stare  
JADE: eridan?! :o

Eridan takes a few steps back, taken aback by such a response.

ERIDAN: wwell of course its me  
JADE: wow... nice dress?  
ERIDAN: wwas that a question

He struts towards Jade, moving his hips from side to side in his slinky black dress.

JADE: i just didnt think you wore them... i mean it reaaally suits you!  
ERIDAN: of course it does it wwas hand made by shrek  
JADE: SH-SHREK?! :O

Shrek, THE Shrek?! Is he even known for his fashion sense?

ERIDAN: wwho else  
JADE: errm... rriiiiight.  
JADE: so, wheres feferi?

Eridan bares his fangs in annoyance.

ERIDAN: she wwent out on a date not like its any of my business or anythin  
ERIDAN: i mean i havve been spending a lot of time wwith her  
ERIDAN: she doesnt owwe me wwith some compensation  
JADE: uh...huh.  
ERIDAN: im so pathetic  
JADE: i dont really know whats going on between you two.  
ERIDAN: i came out showwin i like wwearing dresses and the least she could do is pay some attention to me  
ERIDAN: i fuckin suck at this redemption arc  
JADE: huh? oh right, that thing from before.  
ERIDAN: i already apologized to evveryone i could find  
JADE: hmm... maybe you can find new people to talk to?  
ERIDAN: wwhat and apologize to them too  
JADE: no, just you know, make some more friends?  
ERIDAN: i cant think of anyone  
JADE: well, theres feferi and sollux.  
ERIDAN: sol said i wwas his friend  
JADE: not... directly.

Eirdan's face lights up and his eyes quickly go from white to that of a living troll

ERIDAN: wwoww im goin to phone him right noww  
JADE: but hes sleeping.  
ERIDAN: so wwhat hes my friend  
JADE: i dont, well... think he wants to be woken up.  
ERIDAN: oh wwell i guess i could ask you  
JADE: oh, what is it?  
ERIDAN: is sol goin out wwith fef again  
JADE: ... nope!  
JADE: but why do you want to know?  
ERIDAN: so i can get some info on wwhat shes doin  
JADE: that really isnt a friend thing  
ERIDAN: wwhat its not noww someone tells me

Jade looks at Eridan, not quite sure if he's really that ignorant or that much of a creep.

JADE: so, why dont you talk about fashion?  
ERIDAN: wwell i really like the clothes fef picks out but  
ERIDAN: theyre kinda wwell

He stops mid-sentence, Jade scratches her head and Eridan just floats here, staring down.

JADE: ... not to your taste?  
ERIDAN: actually yeah  
JADE: hmm, the best people i can think of for fashion tips are kanaya and rose!  
ERIDAN: kan hates me  
JADE: what, why?  
ERIDAN: i killed the matriorb and she cut me in twwo  
JADE: oh... thats how you died?  
ERIDAN: i fuckin deserved it too

Jade looks back at the violet blood, who now begins to remind her of someone else.

JADE: you made it to earth at least

Eridan smiles back.

ERIDAN: youre right

Jades takes a card and passes it to Eridan.

ERIDAN: wwhats this  
JADE: its for a therapist  
ERIDAN: oh wwait youre actually wwillin to help me  
JADE: of course, thats what friends are for!

Eridan grins at Jade and his eyes return to normal.

JADE: i guess i should go now  
ERIDAN: wwait wwhere  
JADE: just to continue my walk  
ERIDAN: can i come wwith  
JADE: suure, i guess.

They walk for a bit longer.

JADE: oh, is that...?  
JADE: JOHN!  
JOHN: JADE!  
JADE: hey what are you doing here?  
JOHN: just coming to see you actually.  
JOHN: they let you out already?  
JADE: no, still waiting for a place to live.  
JOHN: oh yeah, i heard about the ghost protests.

He looks behind Jade and spots Eridan.

ERIDAN: wwhat you havve to wwait  
JOHN: oh... yeah i guess not all ghosts know?  
ERIDAN: wwell seein as im jads best friend i wwill let her borroww my apartment for a fee  
JADE: you will?!  
JOHN: but they're normally free...  
JADE: beggars cant be choosers and its only going to be for a couple of weeks!  
ERIDAN: howw does three cards a day sound  
JADE: yeah, itll have to do...  
JOHN: but she shouldn't charge you like that.  
JADE: she?  
ERIDAN: ill havve you knoww im a man

He sassily puts his hands on his hips.

JADE: john...  
ERIDAN: you need to start your owwn redemption arc  
JADE: john is... pretty old fashioned.  
JOHN: no, i-am i?  
JADE: yes you are.  
ERIDAN: wwell heres somethin for you

He hands the card over to John.

JOHN: hay wait, isn't this the card i gave jade?  
JADE: yeah i gave it to eridan.  
JOHN: so you dont need it anymore...?  
JADE: i mean maybe but eridan needs it more i think.  
JADE: but its not like only one of us can go at a time.  
JOHN: i guess so.  
JOHN: so... how is sollux?  
JADE: hes asleep, i better go back.  
JADE: you know, tell him we have somewhere to live now.  
JOHN: oh... cool.  
JADE: is something wrong?  
JOHN: no?  
JADE: are you sure?  
JOHN: no, just i feel like... i've lost any right to tell people whats wrong.  
ERIDAN: i wwouldnt knoww wwhat thats like  
JADE: john was really bossy for a while and said felt like this world was fake.  
JOHN: isnt it?  
JADE: at least we can actually live!  
JADE: sollux told me the other versions of us are dead!!

John sighs, is this really the best he can do?

JOHN: i thought that was only the weird possessed version of you.  
JADE: no, were both dead, we only get to live here.  
JOHN: i didn't know...  
JADE: its been hard keeping it from you.  
JADE: im sorry about being weird about dave i knew he didnt really... you know.  
JADE: i was always aware of it, i just ignored it because i thought we were meant to be together.  
JOHN: oh yeah that... im also sorry he left.  
JADE: me too, he was your best friend!!  
JOHN: yeah i... still can't believe i'm never going to see him again.  
JADE: you know, maybe... sollux can be your friend.  
ERIDAN: wwoww yes a friend orgy  
JADE: something like that?  
ERIDAN: ill bring shrek!

He noisily walks off, in his sparkly high heels.

JOHN: shrek?  
JADE: yeah, i dont get it either.  
JOHN: so...  
JADE: i love you john!

She tightly hugs her brother.

JADE: i know i dont say that enough.  
JOHN: i think youre the only one who does.  
JADE: no, i dont think i am. harry anderson loves you!  
JOHN: i left him... i was barely even there for him.  
JADE: john, you could make it up to him now.  
JOHN: yeah, i need to see my son!

He leaves, leaving Jade alone.

JADE: (well, time to tell sollux the news.)


	30. Rented

JADE: (sollux, sollux weve got somewhere to live now.)

Sollux tosses in bed.

SOLLUX: mmmph...  
JADE: sollux, we...  
SOLLUX: (what is it n0w?)  
JADE: we have a place to live!  
SOLLUX: (0k...)  
JADE: now all we need to do is wait for your final part and that other thing.  
SOLLUX: *yawn* ab0ut that...

He sits up and stretches, pulling the blankets away.

JADE: sollux, you...

She puts her hand on his chest, it's now covered with a skin-like substance.

JADE: its so cold.

She feels down his featureless chest, to his scarred lower abdomen. Sollux giggles as she goes along.

SOLLUX: ehehehe s-st0p!  
JADE: oh sorry, i just wanted to make sure it was real.  
JADE: when did you...  
SOLLUX: in the middle 0f the night  
SOLLUX: i had t0 leave s0 y0u weren't w0ken up.  
JADE: oh, thats why were were away.

She looks at where his nipples once were.

SOLLUX: what's this ab0ut a place t0 live?  
JADE: ... yeah, we can leave now!  
SOLLUX: finally.  
JADE: i just need to get the details.

She texts Eridan, hoping he isn't too far away.

JADE: wheres the apartment?  
``ERIDAN: wwhoops i didnt tell you``  
``ERIDAN: just as wwell i can showw my vvery close friend sol around``  
JADE: yeah... were back in the hospital.  
``ERIDAN: by the wway i need you to pay me up front``  
JADE: sure, bye...

Sollux puts on his tights and boots.

JADE: so, what was that other surprise?  
SOLLUX: n0thing much.

He shoves a pair of dentures in his mouth.

JADE: oh, i thought you didnt like wearing them.  
SOLLUX: my 0ther pair br0ke when meenah threw me d0wn the death steps, remember.  
JADE: you have to watch out for those stairs...  
SOLLUX: it's part 0f my curse.  
JADE: falling down stairs?  
SOLLUX: yes.  
JADE: and here i thought it was walls.  
SOLLUX: when are we leaving?  
JADE: when you put a shirt on! :B  
JADE: just kidding, when eridan comes over.  
SOLLUX: why the hell?!  
JADE: isnt he your friend?  
SOLLUX: g0d n0!  
JADE: hes really fond of you!  
SOLLUX: he *w0uld* be!  
JADE: sorry, we have to rent from him...  
SOLLUX: thanks, n0w i'm indebted to that d0uche.  
JADE: it wont be that bad?

Speak of the devil, he elegantly glides up from the ceiling.

ERIDAN: nice boots sol

He just ignores Eridan's remark.

ERIDAN: you knoww i think that wwould go wwell wwith a skirt  
JADE: wheres shrek?  
ERIDAN: wwhat are you talkin about hes right here  
JADE: uh...huh.  
ERIDAN: wwell lets get goin  
JADE: one sec, i need to pack away the flowers and the bees.

Afterward, the trio quickly leave the room.

JADE: so, where will you be staying while we have your hive?  
ERIDAN: wwith fef of course  
SOLLUX: (that's a lie.)  
JADE: solluxander, dont be so rude!  
ERIDAN: wwell its not that far from here  
ERIDAN: by the wway can i get my cards noww  
JADE: um, yeah...

Eridan looks up to Sollux, while taking the captcha cards.

JADE: oh, what?

Eridan struts up and down, showing off his shoes.

JADE: hahaha, what are you doing?  
ERIDAN: showwin off  
JADE: (but why to sollux?)  
ERIDAN: (he wwont pay any attention to me)  
JADE: (i still dont know why...)  
SOLLUX: are we leaving 0r what?

Eridan defeatedly shows them to the first flight of stairs.

SOLLUX: why have we st0pped?  
JADE: theres stairs  
SOLLUX: s0?  
JADE: maybe i better carry you up.

Sollux feels around for a hand rail near the stairs and walks up them.

JADE: huh, hes recovered more than i thought.

As they make their way up, a loud screaming can be heard.

SCADOL: oh wow is that mister captor?!  
GORSIP: WOW! He's That Brave Voidrot That Beat Those Army Thugs Up!!  
CHETTY: Oh yeah, i MUST get a selfie with him!  
SHORPA: DID you SIGN my AUTOGRAPH?!

Sollux quickly moves away from the frantic fans.

JADE: sollux? sollux!  
CHETTY: What is it LIKE being with him? Is he a real HUNK? Is it true he has two BULGES?!  
ERIDAN: ill havve you knoww i only havve one bulge  
JADE: uh.. they werent talking about you.  
JADE: come on, lets just go look for sollux.  
ERIDAN: so howw am i meant to get on his good side  
JADE: hmm... first lets start by finding him!

They wander the halls for a bit.

JADE: i just thought of something...  
JADE: solluxs fans were by the stairs.  
ERIDAN: so wwhat  
JADE: they keep on following us around and now were nowhere near the stairs.  
JADE: so maybe hes back where we lost him.  
CHETTY: I have a followup question!

Jade and Eridan quickly walk away from Sollux's strange fans.

JADE: where is he?  
???: grhhh...  
ERIDAN: sol wwhat are you doin dowwn there

Sollux lies dazed at the bottom of the stairs he climbed up only a few minutes ago.

SOLLUX: can y0u... *pfffthf*  
JADE: your new dentures! :(

Eridan flies down and attempts to pick Sollux up.

JADE: i better grab him.

She quickly darts down and carries the large Troll in her arms.

JADE: we should get there quickly, sollux has had too much excitement for one day.  
ERIDAN: did sol evven do anythin today  
JADE: falling down stairs always tires him out.  
SOLLUX: mmmph...  
ERIDAN: its this wway

a few more corridores later and they make it.

JADE: this is the place?  
ERIDAN: yeah  
JADE: its the same as the last appartment we had.

She looks around. The bathroom is just opposite them and the kitchen is to the right of the living room, like before.

JADE: hey so maybe we could play some uno later.  
ERIDAN: wwhat i havve no fortune to tell  
JADE: what???

Sollux wriggles free and trips up on the sofa.

JADE: sollux, its to the left...

He wanders into the bathroom.

JADE: hmm... whys there a bathroom here?  
ERIDAN: so i can look my best obvviously

Do ghosts use bathrooms like changing rooms? Jade, wonders to herself.

ERIDAN: (so wwhat do i need to impress him)  
JADE: (bring a few bees over and he'll lighten up.)  
SOLLUX: BLEGH!  
JADE: i better help sollux with that.  
JADE: see you later!  
ERIDAN: bye i bet fef is back from her date

He opens the door and leaves.

JADE: huh, weird...  
JADE: sollux, are you ok?

He wipes away some blood from his mouth.

SOLLUX: just... p0int me t0 the s0fa.  
JADE: point?  
SOLLUX: y0u kn0w what i mean.


	31. T0 Hive, T0 Hive Jiggety J0g

A few hours later, Jade is tending to the plants.

JADE: Ah, its so much nicer to give these flowers their own place.

She peers over to Sollux, who's using her phone.

JADE: what are you playing?  
SOLLUX: miffed c0rvids.

He slides his finger to the left of the screen, but keeps on losing at the 5th level.

JADE: oooh... i think you need to aim higher.

She floats into Sollux's lap and prepares to give him more advice.

JADE: up a bit for that one and then... AAAAHH!!

Eridan appears out of the ground and stares right at Jade.

JADE: you... *huff* scared me eridan.  
SOLLUX: didnt any0ne teach y0u t0 kn0ck.  
ERIDAN: this is my hivve

he releases a few bees from the cards Jade gave him earlier that day.

ERIDAN: wwell

Sollux perks up from a bit, but his mood soon turns sour.

JADE: um...

The bees looks exhausted, it's clear that Eridan chased them around and kept them trapped.

JADE: lets just... move on.

She gets off of Sollux and whispers in Eridan's ear.

JADE: (what is it... exactly that you want from sollux?)  
ERIDAN: (for sol to pay some attention to me)  
ERIDAN: (im pathetic for evven tryin)  
JADE: (well...)  
ERIDAN: (if i wwasnt dead hed)  
JADE: (im dead too... uh, not this version of me, the main one i think.)  
ERIDAN: wwhat are you sayin  
JADE: (its complicated...)  
ERIDAN: bein six swweps forevver sucks  
JADE: hey, at least you dont have two versions of yourself that are more important that you in every way *gasp* being controlled by an alternate version of your missing friend. :(  
ERIDAN: wwoww  
JADE: its why i try so hard to... to help everyone.  
JADE: i want to matter.  
JADE: i also want to make it up to all those people i...

Sollux stops what he's doing.

SOLLUX: jd...  
SOLLUX: im s0rry.  
JADE: hey, its not your fault... for any of this!  
JADE: its some weird dumb fate shit.  
SOLLUX: yeah, fate's a d0uche.  
ERIDAN: youre tellin me

Sollux throws Jade a drink.

JADE: beer? but your stomach...  
SOLLUX: alc0h0l free.  
JADE: eridan... you want one?  
ERIDAN: wwait really

Sollux aims right for Eridan's head.

ERIDAN: oww howw did that evven hit  
SOLLUX: magic.  
ERIDAN: wwhat blasphemy  
SOLLUX: says the gh0st.

Jade looks up to Sollux, maybe he's finally lightened up around Eridan.

JADE: you... want to play uno with us?  
SOLLUX: i'm busy playing this game.  
JADE: would it be ok if eridan watched?  
SOLLUX: whatever.

Jade hops back into Sollux's lap.

ERIDAN: wwhere should i sit  
JADE: how about next to sollux?

She waits for a response from Sollux and nothing.

ERIDAN: wwhat are you playin  
JADE: miffed corvids.

Eridan floats along the sofa and almost leans on Sollux.

ERIDAN: wwhyre you just slidin his finger around the screen randomly  
JADE: because he doesnt know where hes going...  
SOLLUX: n0 thanks t0 y0u.  
ERIDAN: wwell i only blinded you the first time

Sollux frustratingly slides his finger around faster.

JADE: sollux...  
SOLLUX: grah!  
JADE: sollux!  
JADE: shush *pap*.

Sollux calms down and Eridan looks at them, scratching his head.

ERIDAN: so you twwo wwere pale all along?  
JADE: what? no.  
ERIDAN: then wwhat quadrant are you in  
JADE: i... dont know.  
JADE: maybe all of them?  
ERIDAN: wwoww so youre quadrant wwhores

Sollux snorts and smirks slightly.

SOLLUX: y0u W0ULD think that.  
ERIDAN: you should leavve some open for the rest of us  
JADE: what?  
ERIDAN: its not my fault evveryone is taken  
SOLLUX: listen t0 me c0mpletely unir0nically say "l0l".  
ERIDAN: you cant fault a guy for tryin  
JADE: no, but you can be very...  
ERIDAN: vvery wwhat  
ERIDAN: pathetic  
SOLLUX: at least he admits it.  
JADE: sollux!  
ERIDAN: no i get it sol hates me and im waistin my time here

Sollux raises his eyebrow.

ERIDAN: come on shrek wwere leavvin  
JADE: maybe you should say sorry to him s-sollux?  
SOLLUX: what?  
JADE: you... don't...?

Eridan quickly leaves before he causes any more trouble.

SOLLUX: d0n't what?  
JADE: you... really don't hate him?  
SOLLUX: i sh0uld.  
SOLLUX: he always ann0yed me, w0uldn't st0p calling me and asking me stupid shit when i was y0ung.  
JADE: but you still...  
SOLLUX: maybe it's s0me kind 0f fucked up n0stalgia.  
JADE: you think we should chase after him?  
SOLLUX: he'll get 0ver it, he always d0es.  
JADE: still, maybe we should check up on him.  
SOLLUX: later.

He goes back to playing Miffed Corvids.

JADE: its um... to the left.  
JADE: hmm, wait a second... cant you just, hack the game?  
SOLLUX: yes i can.  
JADE: what. :/  
SOLLUX: i c0uld have c0mpleted this game ten times already.  
JADE: uh... then why dont you?

Sollux shrugs.

JADE: you are soo weeeird.

She watched him struggle to knock all of the boars down.

JADE: ok, here.

She delicately pushes his finger and slides the slingshot to the right trajectory.

JADE: let go.  
JADE: there, you finally beat it.

Sollux stretches and yawns.

SOLLUX: im g0ing t0... whatever there is t0 sleep in 0r 0n here.  
JADE: i think its a recooperacoon.

Sollux wearily plods off, clumsily landing head first in the aforementioned recooperacoon, the next room over.

SOLLUX: *pfphth*  
JADE: you ok?  
SOLLUX: just. terrific.

Jade shakes her head.

SOLLUX: jd are y0u c0ming in.  
JADE: not yet, i have a few more things to do.

Jade changes her attention back to the plants. She lifts a large watering can above her head and it slowly fills up with water in the kitchen sink.

**Author's Note:**

> Images from http://farragofiction.com/


End file.
